


Tell Me It’s Not Too Late

by Nova_Raven



Series: Dead and Gone Verse [5]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Body Horror, Choking, F/F, Frank discussion of suicide/death, M/M, Mutilation, Please heed the warnings I make full use of them, Suicidal Ideation, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Torture, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Zombie Apocalypse, mentions of domestic violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:21:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 43,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21888079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nova_Raven/pseuds/Nova_Raven
Summary: Maybe Sam’s pushed him just too far this time...
Relationships: Colby Brock/Sam Golbach
Series: Dead and Gone Verse [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1565569
Comments: 38
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

He really should have died back there. 

“Move, Colby, move!” Aaron’s shouting, and Colby’s glad that this is the one time that Aaron’s tagged along on one of his expeditions. It was a food run, and he and Aaron were scouting out the surrounding neighborhoods for food that had been left. Anything good they could eat. 

The former occupants of this house seem to have other ideas for the pair.

“Fuck!” Colby shakes off the fucker biting into his arm only to be jumped by another on that latched onto his back. It mostly gets the back of the thick jacket he’s wearing, but he can feel the teeth pinch at the skin on his back. Shit, these guys are desperate. He wonders what they’ve been subsisting on. 

Judging by the skeleton they saw at the front its been other unlucky travelers. Or maybe their own family. Colby doesn’t know. He just knows that technically these guys aren’t dead, so they have to eat something. And as the apocalypse has ticked on Colby’s started to see a disturbing trend.

Sometimes the Z’s will eat each other. 

Colby’s seen it in a few situations, usually the Z’s that shut themselves in their houses when the outbreak got bad. They deteriorated locked away from the world, and then couldn’t remember how to get out. 

At least, that’s what Colby figures. 

Those are the ones that are the most aggressive, desperation and hunger fueling their attacks. Colby figures that’s the deal with the one that’s trying to bite his back open. 

The one he’s flung off his arm is getting up again and Colby casts a desperate look at Aaron because he’s still trying to get away from the one on his back and _fuck_ , this is bad… 

And then he hears a third snarl, a female one this time, and Colby’s heart sinks, because there’s a third one? And Aaron’s standing at the door, staring at him as he tries to figure out the best way to get in there and help Colby but there’s one coming up the porch behind him and Colby yells, “Aaron, behind you!” Just as the two other Z’s jump him. He catches both their mouths with his forearms, but the force knocks him to the ground, on top of the other Z and oh shit... 

A cold realization sinks through him.

This is it. This is how he dies. Fucking food for Z’s too stupid to escape their house. He feels hands grip into his clothing, the Z’s tugging at his clothes with their teeth like they’re dogs playing tug-of-war, and Colby knows it’s only a matter of time before the duct tape starts to give... 

Fuck...

He’s going to die like this. 

Well, it was a good run. He survived a lot longer than he thought he would, a lot longer than he probably should. God... it was almost a relief. This would be the end, the last time he had to stress about other people, about food, about staying alive... 

He is way more okay with it than he probably should have been. He just hopes that Sam will he okay...

And then he hears a yell and a wet, squelching crunch. He hears a rip as his sleeve finally goes and then something splatters hot and wet across his face. The teeth that had been just about to rip into the flesh of his arm fall slack, and something falls on top of him.

There’s shouting but he’s having a hard time deciphering what’s being said, still kinda shocked at how much there’s not flesh being ripped from his bones by desperate, hungry teeth...

And then there are blue eyes staring into his, and Colby remembers that Sam actually came with them on this excursion. He was supposed to be covering the outside but he must have realized something was wrong. “Get the fuck up!” Sam’s yelling, and he reaches for Colby’s hand to haul him to his feet.

He’s in shock, he thinks, because he was ready to die, okay with it, and now all of the sudden he’s not dead.

And Sam is here.

And he's tightly gripping Colby's hand like he's afraid Colby's going to slip from it if he lets go and it’s probably borderline painful but Colby doesn't really notice because he was supposed to die. 

Sam's shouting, he notices vaguely, Sam's shouting something at him and tugging him hard by the arm out of the house. He doesn't even really register them as words until there's a _w_ _hiteblindingimpact_ across his face and it occurs to him that Sam fucking slapped him. "Wha...?" And it doesn't even come out as a word really, but Sam is in front of his face and is staring at him desperately. "Sam?"

"You almost died!" Sam yells in his face, and he finally registers that Sam's gripping his shoulders tightly, "You legit almost died back there, you fucking..." And Colby doesn't know what to do, because it's been months since he's seen Sam this emotional, months since he felt like Sam even cared if he died or not, and he should be reacting differently but all Colby can do is stare at Sam, still in shock because he really should be dead right now... 

"Uh, guys?" It's Aaron's voice, and Colby turns dazedly to look at their friend. He's looking reluctant, like he really didn't want to interrupt them but he has to. "Sorry to interrupt but we gotta move. We can't stay here." 

Colby nods, because he knows that on some deep, instinctive level, because the Z's will come. There's always more of them. "Okay..." He murmurs, looking back over at Sam, who's still gripping his shoulders like he's afraid Colby will disappear if he lets go. "Sam?"

Maybe it's the way Colby says his name, but Sam seems to jerk back into himself, nodding tightly and releasing his death grip on Colby. "Okay," Sam says, and Colby watches him swallow before he walks back in the direction Colby knows the trap house to be, defensive shield firmly back on his face. Colby stares after him longingly for a moment, because he hated it, hated that this was the only time he saw his formerly emotional friend express anything. 

It took Colby legitimately almost dying. 

And he should have been dead. And Colby can't help but feel a lingering pit in his stomach where the acceptance of his death was. Because it scares him how okay he was with the idea. 

And he can't shake the idea that he _should have died_ back there. 

Aaron steers them back to the house after that encounter. Colby tries to protest, states that they didn't gather as much food as they wanted to but Aaron shakes his head at them. "No, you're done," He says firmly. And Colby has no idea what he means, no idea until he's back in the foyer, stripped naked with Aaron and Sam and Elton and Devyn are looking over their bodies. 

Sam and Aaron are cleared relatively quickly, but then, Colby's body check is always a little bit more involved because of the bruises that Sam's left on him. Elton hates it, Colby knows, even if he's not said anything in a while. And it takes a horrible, horrible sentence coming out of Elton's mouth for Colby to realize that he'd been in shock, dissociated, the whole way home.

"Sam, did you do this one?" 

And suddenly Colby's aware of his body again, of the mass of aching bone and muscles that make up his form. And he's aware of the throbbing, aching pain on his arm that just feels wrong somehow...

His eyes fly to his left forearm, where one of the Z's had almost gotten through his sleeve... At least... he thought it was almost...

There's an angry mass of red flesh there that's rapidly blackening. Colby's doesn't want to think about the bruise that's gonna be there in a few hours. 

But there's no broken skin, and Colby feels relief rush through him. "I had to hold one of them off there," Colby explains, wincing at the memory. "It didn't get through the jacket." Thank fuck, because if Sam had been a moment or two later...

Elton eyes him carefully, but eventually nods. “Okay,” He says. “Let me know if anything changes, okay?”

Colby nods, reaching for his clothing again. 

Sam’s already cleared the room by the time Colby pulls his pants back on, still blinking in borderline shock. Everything is starting to crash through him again, and he’s remembering the feeling of the three Z’s all around him, trying to rip into him, infect him, even if he didn’t die as their first meal in too long...

Fuck, he should have died back there.

And then there was Sam. And wasn’t that always how it went? Sam reaching down to pull Colby up from wherever he was drowning? Sam was... Sam was there for him... Sam had been there for him. 

Colby almost dying in front of his eyes had broken the defensive shield Sam kept up at all times. 

His friend was still there, he was sure of it. 

He needed to talk to Sam. 

But first, he has things to attend to. 

Sam left his backpack downstairs, so Colby and Aaron and Devyn set about unloading the supplies into the closet. It’s mostly non-perishable food, some spices... Colby glares at the jar of pickles that emerges from Aaron’s bag. Since the world ended he’s had to accept that pickles will at least keep him alive. 

Devyn’s digging through Sam’s bag, and when Colby hears her make a soft, “Oh...” he turns to look at her. 

There’s a box of teabags in her hand. And for a moment Colby almost thinks he sees a smile tug at her lips. But then its gone and Devyn puts the box in the pantry, an emotionless mask back on her face.

It’s a communal pantry, but Colby knows that none of them will touch it. Because he remembers that having tea used to be Devyn’s thing after a long, stressful day. And that it had continued after the world ended. 

Until she ran out of tea. 

Colby remembered when she had used her last one. 

Colby stares at the little box for a few seconds after she sets it down. Sam had remembered Devyn on this supply run, had seen her tea in someone’s house and pulled it off the shelf to bring to her. 

It was just something that his old Sam would have done. And Colby resolves even further that this is going to be the night that he’s going to talk to Sam. Because Sam’s probably going to want to fuck the shit out of him tonight, and Colby probably actually needs it tonight because he still kinda feels like he’s not in his body and there’s nothing quite like the pain to ground him, but this is the most human that Colby’s seen him act in months. 

He has to try.

And it’s already different than normal, because instead up going up to his room and waiting for Sam to come find him, Colby finds himself at Sam’s door, staring at the handle. The door’s closed, probably locked, and Colby’s... Colby’s going to go inside and talk to Sam. 

This will be the first time he’s been in Sam’s room since... Since they had to take care of Kat... 

Colby swallows, reminding himself that this is Sam, and that Sam is his best friend, and that he’s pretty sure Sam still cares about him, somewhere deep down... and he knocks. 

There’s silence for a moment, before he hears Sam ask, “Who is it?” 

Colby debates turning there, and running away, but he shakes himself. He’s doing this. “It’s me, dude.” 

Silence. Colby thinks he hears Sam moving in his room but there’s no response. 

“Can I come in?” Colby asks, and fuck, this is fucking stupid, he should have just fucking waited for Sam to come find him later. He steps back from the door, ready to just head to his room when he hears the door open. 

Colby turns, and it’s Sam. Sam’s not wearing a shirt, his hair is sticking up all over the place, and his eyes and cheeks are red, almost like he’s been crying? 

Colby’s struck almost speechless. “Sam... are you okay?” And that’s a stupid question, because of course Sam’s not okay. He hasn’t been okay in a long time but... It’s what comes out of Colby’s mouth anyway. 

Sam stares at him blankly for a few moments, like he can’t believe what came out of Colby’s mouth either. “You... you almost died,” He states, but it’s said with the same tone as _how the fuck can you ask that?_

And he almost chickens out again but... fuck, this is Sam. “Sam, can we... can we talk?” Colby asks quietly. 

Instantly Sam’s on guard. “What about?” He’s still standing in his doorway, and the look he’s giving Colby makes him feel like he’s on trial for something. It hurts Colby, somewhere in his chest, that Sam’s talking to him like this but he supposes it’s understandable. They haven’t really _talked_ since... 

Since Sam told him to stop trying to die.

Fuck, they’re so good at this conversation thing... 

“About this,” Colby answers, which is oh-so-helpfully specific. The look Sam gives him tells him that Sam’s not super impressed. Colby sighs, running a hand through his hair and watching Sam’s eyes lock onto the bruise on his arm. “Look, dude, you can... you can fuck me all you want afterwards but like... I’d really like to just talk for a moment.” 

And Colby didn’t realize it when he was formulating the sentence in his mind but this is the first time that either of them have brought up exactly what he and Sam are doing, have brought up that they’re...

Sam looks down at the ground. “What’s there to talk about?” He asks. 

For a moment, Colby can’t believe what’s come out of Sam’s mouth. “We have a lot to talk about, dude,” He says. “Can I come in? I’d rather not have this conversation out here.”

And Sam’s glaring at him, his expression still clearly a glare even though his face is mostly blank, and Colby meets it evenly. Because fuck this shit he’s not going to just roll over and take it this time. Finally, Sam steps back, letting Colby into his room. 

It’s startling, because Colby is used to Sam’s room being immaculate, only being a little frenzied when he had a lot going on. But even then, it would be a stretch to ever call Sam’s room a mess. Any sort of mess or things being untidy had always been Sam’s pet peeve back in the day.

Sam’s room looks like a tornado has ripped through it, and Colby can tell that Sam’s not made any effort to clean it in a long, long time. He’s not sure it’s even been cleaned since Katrina was locked in here, probably bouncing off the walls in her attempts to escape. The power’s been out for a long time, but Sam’s got the windows closed, and the weak afternoon sun casts just enough light to be eerie into the room. 

Sam closes the door behind Colby when he freezes just inside the room. Colby turns quickly, trying to quell his gut instinct that a closed door is _bad_ because he feel trapped and like _he shouldn’t be here_. Sam’s body is tight, and every instinct in Colby’s body is screaming at him to _get the fuck out_... He takes a deep breath, squaring his shoulders and watching Sam carefully. 

Sam comes out from behind him, and his steps are slow as he eyes Colby. Colby does his best not to feel like prey being stalked by a predator. 

Fuck... what has happened to Sam?

“So...” Sam says, and he crosses his arms. “Talking?”

”Uh... yeah,” Colby swallows, and he had a big speech prepared but it dries up in his throat at the way Sam is looking at him. “I just... About what we’ve been doing. The uh... the sex... and everything.”

”What’s there to talk about?” Sam asks tightly, “We get off, and it’s done. Stress relief.”

Colby purses his lips, crossing his arms, “Yeah, and you hurt me,” He says. He gestures at the bruise on his neck, the one that Sam never lets heal. 

“You like it,” Sam says, and there’s something in his tone this time, something that’s not just empty, almost like he’s hoping Colby won’t contradict him. 

“That’s not the point,” Colby says, and just because he’s getting off doesn’t mean that he has to be okay with just letting it go. The fact that they both need it doesn’t excuse that that they’ve still never talked about it, months later. “I just...” Because Sam’s looking at him with barely shielded hostility, “Fuck, dude, I just feel like... I just wonder why I keep doing it sometimes?”

And Sam’s frozen, and a horrible, horrible tension takes over the room. “Why?” He asks, and fuck Colby does _not_ like the tone of Sam’s voice. He takes a deliberate, measured step towards Colby and Colby can’t stop the step he takes back. 

“Because... fuck dude, maybe I deserve it?” He’s saying it before he has time to register what he’s saying. Sam seems surprised at his words too, pausing in his advance. 

“Why?” Sam asks.

”Because... because I hurt you, when I...” Colby swallows. He hasn’t said her name in front of Sam since it happened. “Because I helped take her from you...” 

Sam’s gone stock still. Only the trembling of his hands betrays that he’s anything but a statue, standing in front of Colby. Colby’s not sure why he continues but he does. “And like... I feel like I owe you, to make you happy, in anyway that I can but like... it’s starting to really fuck with my head, dude, because like, I’m not even sure you even _like_ me anymore, and-”

”Colby.” All Sam has to do is say his name and Colby shuts his mouth, almost hearing the audible click of his teeth meeting. Fuck, fuck, fuck... did he go too far? Sam’s looking far from stable, staring at him with something unreadable, something wild and uncontrolled...

And then Sam’s seized his hair and Colby yells in pain as Sam drags him away from the door and shoves him bodily into Sam’s bed. The breath is knocked out of him by the impact and Colby further loses his breath when Sam lands on top of him. “Sam, I...”

”Colby, shut the fuck up,” Sam growls, one of his hands wrapping around Colby’s throat and Sam’s kissing him again, wild and uncontrolled and fuck fuck fuck this is not what he wanted, not what he had planned at all.

”Sam...” Colby tried to gasp past Sam’s lips but Sam shoves his hand in Colby’s pants and he’s pretty sure it’s to get him to be quiet. It works for a few seconds, as Colby’s body starts to react to the desperation and learned response to Sam treating him like this, but no, no, fuck this, he is not doing this. He pushes at Sam’s shoulders, finally, finally, _finally_ resisting. “Sam, stop.” 

It’s like Sam doesn’t hear him for a few seconds, continuing in his mission to divest Colby of his pants as he bites into Colby’s neck but Colby raises his voice after his yelp of pain to snap, “Sam, I said stop!” 

And Sam stops. His hand stills in Colby’s pants and his other hand tightens reflexively against Colby’s throat. “What?” He breathes, and it’s a low, dangerous sound. 

Colby’s never been afraid of Sam, but in this moment, he’s not sure Sam won’t ignore his words and keep going. He feels his breath, rushing in and out of his lungs much faster than he would have liked and he repeats, “I said stop, Sam. I want to talk.” 

And for a moment, he’s not sure Sam’s going to listen. He can feel the trembling start in Sam’s hands, where they’re clasped around his throat and his cock, and watches it spread through Sam’s body. And then Sam is vaulting up and off of him, and retreating to the other side of the room. “Get out.”

Colby feels coldness fill him up through his skull. “What?” 

“Get. Out.” And each word is bitten off like he’s spitting venom. 

“Sam, I...”

”Out.” Sam repeats.

”Sam, we need to talk-“

”No, you need to talk,” Sam corrects harshly, and Colby can see the emotions that are _this close_ to boiling over. “I need to fuck you until I forget that my best friend helped kill my fucking girlfriend. But apparently I can’t do that, so I need you to get. Out.” 

Ow.

That really hurt.

And he should let that be it, but this is Sam, this is his best friend of 8 years, his brother... So Colby still tries one more time to get through to Sam. “Sam, please...” And he lets the emotions he’s feeling boil up just a little bit, just enough that his voice cracks on ‘please’...

For a moment, he thinks it works. Sam pauses, and for just a moment, he can see his best friend, really see him. And Then Sam looks at a photo on his wall, the only thing left still standing. It’s a photo of Kat. And with that, Colby knows it’s over. “Colby, get the fuck out of my room,” Sam says, and Colby’s heart stops.

”Okay. Fine,” Colby says, and his throat is tight, and his heart is racing out of his chest, but still he gets up and he goes.

He can’t say he didn’t try. 

He gets back to his room, and doesn’t even register the panic attack until it’s fully overtaken him. Because he’d hoped, he’d thought, he’d prayed to some God he didn’t believe in that Sam still cared about him, still loved him... That some of his best friend remained. 

Even if he did, if the apocalypse and all the death hadn’t completely destroyed him, he wasn’t going to let Colby see it. 

Fine. Colby could see how it was. 

And the worst thing is, Colby knows that this won’t really change anything. Sam doesn’t want to talk to him? Okay, fine. He’ll tell himself the sex is enough. That that’s all he needs. And maybe... maybe his heart will start to believe him at some point. 

Elton catches him the next morning when he’s up with the rising sun to go outside. Because he can’t be in the fucking house right now. Because he didn’t sleep well but he wasn’t going to leave before there was light. 

Elton seems to know what happened in the way he looks Colby over. But he doesn’t say anything at first, and Colby almost thinks that he’s going to get outside without having to talk about it when Elton says, “Please come back?” 

Colby looks at him, because he wasn’t expected that. “What?”

Elton chews on the inside of his lip, thinking before he speaks, “He’s being a piece of shit,” Elton says, and Colby knows he heard Sam and Colby last night. “Like, grade A asshole, but... Whatever you’re looking for out there...” He stops himself, shaking his head. “Just be careful, okay? There are people who love and care about you here. People who are worth living for.”

Colby looks down at the tile, keeping his gaze away from Elton as he gets dressed again. “Okay,” He says quietly, and he’s not sure how he feels about Elton knowing about that new side of him, the part of him that really doesn’t care if he lives or dies... “I’ll try, okay?” 

Elton snorts, but there’s a dark look on his face. “That’s all I can ask,” He says, stepping back and walking back up the stairs.

Colby stares after him for a few seconds, a weird feeling in his gut. And then he shakes it off, tugging his spare duct tape jacket on and leaving the trap house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this is gonna be a fun one. Have some angst for your holiday. Ill try to get the next part up by the end of the week! 
> 
> Let me know what you think, and as always, I’ll see you in the next one!


	2. Chapter 2

Colby’s always found watching the zombies, or Z’s as he’s started referring to them as, a very interesting pastime. Because it’s when they aren’t aware that they’re being watched that Colby can almost see the human being that they started out as.

He figures it has something to do with muscle memory, because he’ll watch some of them walk passed him snapping their fingers, or doing neurotic little snap-clap combos. The best one was the Z, who was probably about sixteen before he turned, who walked by the tree Colby was perched in doing the floss and almost causing Colby to blow his cover because of the laugh he had to stifle.

Kid must have been a Fortnite addict in his day.

He’s wandered pretty far from the house this time, out of walkie talkie range. He knew that, knew that the other roommates hated when he went this far out…

But there’s something so awfully trapping about that, about them still being able to reach him, even when he's out of the house. So instead he’s plotted out the boundaries of the walkie talkies, knowing exactly when they give out because of distance.

And then he walks outside of it. Because the fact that he only had to worry about himself for a few hours was kinda the whole point of this.

He has a couple of places he likes to hang out in, abandoned houses and trees that he can hide in and watch the world go by. He found the Z’s a little further from civilization are a little less aggressive. Maybe the closer ones had seen too much violence against their own kind that they had become more aggressive.

It’s an interesting thought for Colby. Because again, they aren’t actually dead. Just brain dead. And they could learn.

Colby yawns, glancing at the horizon. He’s hiding out in one of the ancient oaks off the road from a park’s picnic area a good distance from the house, maybe an hour’s walk. It’s getting kinda late, he reasons. Probably about time to be heading back. He feels ice spread through his chest despite the warmth of the day. 

_Fuck_... he really doesn’t want to go back.

He runs a hand through his hair, grimacing as he catches a view of the angry bruise on his arm. He lets out a long breath, turning his forearm a little bit to look at the mark. It’s almost black, with purple mottled through it and a red halo. 

But there’s no broken skin. And that means he’s not infected. 

He sighs, clenching his hand into a fist and lowering his arm. 

He could have been dead. He probably should have been dead. But Sam had decided that he didn’t get off that easily. Once again, Sam’s the one who pulled him back from the edge. 

_How the fuck did Elton know?_ Colby wonders to himself. How had Elton known this morning that Colby’s close to that edge, that edge of not really giving a fuck what happens to him? He hadn’t thought he’d been that obvious.

But then, Elton had always been pretty good at reading them. Colby thinks maybe Elton sees a little bit of himself at a younger age in Colby. He should probably talk to Elton about all of this at some point. 

He groans, leaning his head back in the tree. He really doesn’t want to go back. Sam’s gonna be pissed he was out all day and back late and... Colby’s not sure he has the mental fortitude to take getting fucked tonight after... after last night. 

He’s still not over that. Makes him not want to go back to the house at all. Sure there’s Elton, Aaron, and Devyn but Sam... Sam’s been the real reason he comes back every night. 

And Sam wants nothing to do with him except as an outlet.

Colby looks out at the horizon, because it really is getting late now, and he needs to get back to the house before it gets dark. He’s not fucking with traveling at night. He has the whole walk back to get himself mentally prepared to face Sam. He’s about to hop down from the branch he’s reclined into when he hears the distant sound of engines.

What the fuck…

Now that’s a sound he hasn’t heard in a while. He pauses in his climb, pushing himself back up the tree to see if he can’t see where the fuck it’s coming from.

There are no more electronic lights in LA, so its easy to see the pair of headlights. They’re getting closer… and louder. Fuck, they’re going to attract every fucking Z in a mile radius… The ones that have been absently milling within visual range of Colby are now looking up, and starting to wander in the direction of the headlights.

Colby freezes, because now they’re interested in something. He’s found he can generally slip by most of them if they’re not actively fixated on something because it takes them a few seconds to recognize that they’ve seen something, but now their attention is on the moving congregation and Colby’s not going to risk climbing out of his tree.

Shit… they’re going to take forever to settle down again. He’s not going to get back to the house until well after dark. The Z’s are more docile after dark, sometimes actually lying or sitting down, maybe due to human sleeping rhythms, but Colby hates traveling at night because it’s harder to see potential threats, and his flashlight makes him a pretty obvious target for Z’s and survivors.

He avoids other survivors at pretty much all costs these days. The group down the street has been getting more aggressive, making it clear that they have it out for the trap house members after...

Colby winces at the memory. He’d been out one day and too close to their “territory”. They’d subdued him with the threat of guns, tightly binding his wrists behind him and shoving old fabric in his mouth. Fuck... He doesn’t want to have to rely on a random group of Z’s to keep him from getting kidnapped again. If they hadn’t stumbled on a group of Z’s when they had him at gunpoint on the way back to their camp… Colby shudders to think what might have happened.

They’d made it pretty clear that they were pissed at him. Apparently his supply run to the pharmacy had resulted in some of their people being bitten because they tried to chase him out and the gunshots had attracted Z’s. So it was their own fault, really. But they’d made him sure that it would be him they were taking it out on, or any of the other trap house members. 

He still hasn’t told anyone the full version of that story. Just that the group down the street was getting a bit more aggressive. 

He hadn’t wanted to worry anyone. If he got himself killed then... well, that’s his own damn fault. 

Meanwhile, the headlights are still getting closer. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…” He mutters, because he sees that they’re coming up the road he walked to get up here. “Fuck, uh…” And a Z comes out of the fucking trees behind his and he just swears again internally because fuck.

Well, there’s nothing for it. He’s stuck here for a little bit. He settles back into the tree, his heart racing as he prays that the group won’t stop at the picnic tables.

But of course, his luck has been shit and continues to be shit. A truck and a Jeep pull to a stop about a hundred feet from him. “Fuck…” Colby breathes again.

The Z’s are yelling, screaming, and that’s a fucking disorienting thing about them is that they don’t make normal zombie sounds. They sound like people screaming. No words, but its not the grunting growls and moans the movies made them out to make.

They still sounds all too human. And the Z’s around him converge on the caravan. But then, they seem to be expecting that, because Colby almost immediately hears gunfire start. Shit… they must have a lot of ammo to just be using it like that. Devyn’s gun is for emergencies only.

The gunfire is loud in the empty LA evening, and Colby knows it will call Z’s from all over. And they’ll be interested in the fucking noises and more likely to want to attack Colby.

Fuck.

But its like clockwork, and the caravan has dispatched the majority of the Z’s heading for them in about twenty minutes. More will amble up as they catch up but those will be easier to dispatch.

Hopefully they’ll stop with the fucking gunshots.

Colby tries not to move. He’s not going to chance these people seeing him. Hopefully he can slip by them while they’re sleeping.

He glances at the horizon, where the sun is getting steadily lower.

Fuck… his roommates are gonna kill him.

OOO

Colby’s been gone a long time. He left early in the morning, just barely after the sun came up and he’s been gone for hours and hours, long enough that the sun’s going down again, long enough that Sam’s found Elton and asked him to give Colby’s walkie a ping, just to see if he’s in range.

He’s not, and there’s no response back, even when Sam tries again an hour later. And he’s trying not to freak out, he really is, and fuck, Sam is going to tie Colby to the bed after this and never let him leave the house again because he can’t fucking live like this.

And then the sun is down and there’s still no sign of Colby.

Elton is anxious too now, Sam can tell. He’s set up on the couch by the door, absentmindedly solving and scrambling a Rubik’s cube, Aaron’s taking and retaking inventory in the kitchen, and Devyn’s curled into a little ball with a blanket on the couch, not looking at anyone, rifle laying across her lap.

Sam’s got the other walk-talkie in his hand, and he keeps doing a loop; front window to back window, up the stairs to the balcony so he can see out and back to the front door so he can check the door. Elton seems mildly surprised to see him at first, and watches him with suspicious eyes.

He’s making another one of his loops when Elton finally speaks. “So you’re finally worried about him, huh?”

Sam freezes, and he feels the air in the room thicken and stagnate. “What?” He asks tightly. Devyn’s looked up from the nothing she was staring into, and she’s got wide eyes moving between Elton and Sam.

Elton’s dropped the cube, and his arms are crossed. “What, are you finally worried because you’re not going to get any tonight?”

“What the fuck, Elton?” Sam snaps, because it may be house-wide knowledge that he and Colby are fucking but no one’s actually said anything to him besides Devyn, so the fact that Elton’s fucking calling him out…

“The whole fucking house knows,” Elton confirms, anger in his voice, “Kinda hard to miss when the kid’s covered in fucking bite marks. I’ve been checking them you know, just to make sure they’re all accounted for.”

Sam’s hands are shaking, and he looks at Devyn, but her face is blank, staring down at her gun again. He sets his jaw. “That is none of your fucking business.”

“Maybe not,” Elton shrugs, but the movement of his shoulders is tight, angry, “But it’s time someone fucking acknowledged it.”

Sam doesn’t even realize he’s letting out a low, growling sound of anger until it comes out. “What me and Colby do is none of your business,” And he turns to leave.

“Don’t walk away from me,” Elton snaps, and when Sam hears footsteps coming towards him he just turns and punches because it’s none of his fucking business. His fist connects and Elton snarls, grabbing his hand and shoulder and shoving him back. Sam’s feet don’t move fast enough and he’s falling to the floor and Elton’s following him down, catching the fists that are flung at him but the kick still lands solidly in his gut, and all the air oofs out of him and Sam’s able to get his feet under him again, still ready to keep swinging-

And then Aaron’s shouting and pushing them apart, “Hey! Hey! Calm the fuck down!” He yells, hands on both of their chests and shoving them in opposite directions. “Fucking stop!”

“Would you stop if he said no, Sam?” Elton asks, still pushing against Aaron.

“What the fuck kind of… I’m not raping him, Elton!” Sam shouts, and Aaron shoves him back from Elton.

“Calm the fuck down!”

“That’s what I thought had happened to him!” Elton yells, “When I saw him the next morning with a giant fucking bite mark on his neck and finger shaped bruises on his hips. I thought someone had gotten him while he was out but no, it was from you!”

Sam's stomach drops out from under him at the very thought of that but he's still fucking pissed at Elton... “Thin fucking ice,” Sam growls, “I would never, ever…”

“So answer the fucking question!” Elton shoves past Aaron and catches Sam in a headlock. Sam gasps through a suddenly constricted airway, his hands coming up to pull at Elton’s arm around his neck, “Could he fucking say no, Sam? Answer the question.”

“Elton, let him go,” Aaron snaps, trying to pull them apart again but Elton yanks Sam back.

“Not until he answers the question,” Elton tightens his hold on Sam’s neck, further cutting off his air. “Sam…”

“Of fucking course I would stop,” Sam’s still clawing at Elton’s arm, and the world’s starting to fuzz in around the edges. “I’m not a fucking monster!”

Elton loosens his grip for just a moment to give Sam a gasp of air before he tightens down again, “Does he know that?” Elton says, low and dangerous. “Does he know he could tell you no?”

“He said no last night! Don’t tell me you weren’t eavesdropping.” And Sam finally gets his leg up high enough to kick Elton in the groin and the arm around his neck loosens enough that he’s able to struggle free and back, coughing at the rough treatment of his airway. “Don’t you ever fucking do that again!” Sam snaps, rubbing at his throat.

Elton’s still glaring at him from where he fell to the floor, “And you didn’t respect it. You threw him out of your room,” He states plainly, “If he doesn’t come back tonight, you should know who’s fault it is.” There’s still hostility in his voice, but he’s speaking at room volume again. 

Somehow that’s worse, because now Elton sounds like the disappointed uncle he is.

He looks at Devyn, expecting some sort of comment or support, but Devyn just looks back down at her gun, no expression on her face.

Sam probably shouldn’t feel so betrayed.

“Fuck you, Elton,” Sam gives his throat one more rub before he walks to the back of the house, walkie in hand, to give Colby another ping.

OOO

Colby’s awoken by another round of gunshots and a hard light to his face. He jerks up and almost rolls himself out of the tree he’s… oh yeah, he’s still in the tree. The caravan, fucking bringing every Z within hearing range down on him. Fuck, he hadn’t meant to pass out but he hadn’t slept hardly at all the night before and he’d had hours to wait so he’d dozed off. Maybe it was morning? He squints his eyes open to a worrying discovery. The sun’s not even out yet, why is there a light…

Unfortunately, when he looks down he can see that seems to be why there was gunfire.

“Say something or I’ll shoot you,” A woman with short shaved hair is pointing a shotgun at him with a flashlight taped onto the end. Her face is round with a smattering of freckles and she’s probably only a few years older than him, but she’s got a gun trained on him and he’s not going to take any chances.

Colby throws his hands up, “Don’t shoot, I’m not infected.” _Fuck… this is bad…_

“Get down,” She points at the ground, “Right fucking now.”

“Okay, okay,” Colby moved slowly, glancing around to make sure that there aren’t any more Z’s nearby as he moves and sees that two older, grizzled looking guys are standing just a little bit back from her.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” He hisses to himself. This wasn’t supposed to happen, shit, he should have gotten out while he could earlier when they were driving up…

“Get the fuck down,” She snaps again and Colby jumps, dropping the last few feet to the ground.

“Look,” Colby starts, putting his hands up, “I’m just passing through, and I took a nap up here to be safe from the Z’s…” That’s his story, whenever he ran into other survivors. He’s on his own, just passing through, his group had been killed and he's the only survivor, whatever he needs to get through.

“This close to our camp?” One of the men had approaches, and he looks like a Duck Dynasty reject. Colby might have laughed if there was something less than a shotgun pointed at him.

Colby’s heart sinks at his question. “I was getting ready to move on when you guys drove up and attracted every Z in a five mile radius,” He says, shifting his weight uneasily. “I figured I’d just chill until they calmed down again. Didn’t sleep great last night so I kinda passed out.” At least that part is true.

“You alone?” One of them asks, leveling a rifle at him. Shit, these guys are gun happy.

Colby nods, at this point just hoping to get out of here with his skin intact. “My group got overrun a few days ago. I’ve been on my own since then.” He hopes his voice is sincere enough to pass.

Fortunately, they don’t question him. “Sorry to hear about that,” The woman says, lowering her gun slightly. Oh, well this is an unexpected turn of events. 

“I’m trying to make my way east,” Colby says, lowering his hands slightly, waiting to see if anyone would call him on it, but they didn’t. “Heard there are less Z’s over there, you know?” It’s a story he’s heard from several other survivors and one of his go to’s for running into other people.

They don’t call him on lowering his hands and Colby starts to feel slightly more optimistic about this situation. “Yeah, we heard there are less south of the border, down in Mexico,” Duck Dynasty says. “We just came from the east. Lotsa them over there.” He lowers his own rifle, hefting it over his shoulder, “You wanna come?” 

Huh. That’s a first for that story. He's never actually gotten an offer of a ride. “Damn,” He says, crossing his arms and shaking his head, “Nah, got family in Kansas,” He says regretfully, “Gotta see if there are any left.” Because he's not sure if his parents are even still alive. Or if they've lasted this long. Or if they would even still be there.

And besides, not like he can leave Sam.

And Aaron and Elton and Devyn. 

“I heard that,” Duck Dynasty Number 2 said. He steps forward, extending a hand, “Call me Bubba.”

Colby looks at his hand, kinda shocked at the turn of events. Then he smiles and shakes the guy’s hand. He can work with this. “Cole,” He says, because he never introduces himself by ‘Colby’ around new people. It’s too attached to his whole Hollywood persona. And those days are over.

“Kallie,” The woman says, also extending a hand.

“Reggie,” The original Duck Dynasty guy says. He tips his head at their camp, “You wanna join for dinner? It ain’t much, but it’s grub.”

Colby shrugs, nodding. He's fucking starving. “Yeah, sure,” He says, “I’m not picky anymore.”

Bubba laughs, and Colby can hear years of smoking in his laugh, “I hear that,” He says, “Reggie over here used to not eat anything before the world ended.”

“Hey fuck you, Bubba,” Reggie calls, “I have a sensitive stomach.” But there’s teasing in his voice. 

Kallie laughs, and it’s a nice sound. “Ain’t no room for sensitive stomachs out here,” She says. 

Colby chuckles, nodding, “Nope,” He agrees, and he heads with the three back to their camp. He’s already going to be late. No harm in a few more hours. 

OOO 

It’s fully dark now, has been for a few hours, and Sam’s still staring at the walkie talkie.

Where the fuck is Colby?

It’s occurred to him that Colby could be dead right now. For all he knew, Colby could be fine, just staying out late, or he could be injured, hiding somewhere, captured by people, or just… just dead. Gone. Somewhere Sam would never be able to see him again.

Or shit, maybe this was it. Maybe Colby had finally gotten fed up with how Sam was treating him, and had left forever. That thought causes pain to spasm in his chest, his heart feeling like it might give out.

Fuck, but he does still love Colby, doesn’t he?

It’s never been spoken but even if Colby leaves the house every day he’s never gone past dark. It was an unspoken promise that he would be there every night for Sam…

He presses his hands into his eyes, maybe to hid the traitorous tears that have welled up. He hasn’t cried since he lost Kat. Hasn’t felt like any pain would top that. But this, losing Colby…

Fuck, maybe he did finally drive Colby away. Maybe he finally said no…

He uncovers his eyes, staring at the walkie talkie. “He’s fine, he’s just out of range and hiding out for the night,” Sam tells himself tightly, hoping that the words said aloud will be more convincing than the ones he’s been hearing in his head.

But they’re not.

“Fuck, just please… please come home…” Sam whispers, and ignores the tears that he can feel running down his cheeks.

OOO

This is the first time Colby's laughed this hard in... well fuck, he doesn't know how long it's been. Months, at least. Maybe since this whole clusterfuck of an apocalypse started. They're gathered around a camp fire, and Colby's stomach is full of some rabbit and squirrel Reggie and Kallie had shot earlier. They started off sharing origin stories, but somehow got sidetracked onto the funniest thing they'd ever seen a Z do, and then onto the funniest thing way that they'd ever killed a Z... Colby didn't have many to share but he was enjoying the hell out of this group's. 

"And then Nadia here hotwired a cement roller, you seen them things? Big ol' wheel at the front?" Reggie's gesticulating as he speaks, grinning widely, and the middle eastern girl leaning against Kallie laughs.

"You hot-wired a cement roller?" Colby asks, and the grin is wide on his face.

"I grew up in New Orleans, you learn some things," She laughs. 

"Of course you do, baby." Kallie throws an arm around her.

"Oh God, please tell me this is going where I think it is," Colby leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees in anticipation.

"Oh it sure is," Bubba nods at him, "Just fucking..." He makes popping noises with his tongue as he mimes the machine rolling over all the Z's Colby knew to be strewn in front of it from the story earlier. Colby cracks up, holding his stomach from how hard he's laughing. 

"Fuckin' best thing I ever saw," Reggie wipes his eyes with his hands he's laughing so hard. "Damn we picked the right girl up out of a scrap heap in New Orleans." He pats his chest proudly, "I got a good eye for this stuff." 

Kallie sends him a playful glare, "You picked her up 'cause you and I both couldn't stop starin' at her."

Reggie shrugs, not denying it, "Yeah, your girlfriend's hot, Kal."

"I know," Kallie chirps, pecking said girlfriend on the cheek.

"Stooop," Nadia whines, but the tone of her voice and the smile on her face told Colby she had no problem with the compliments.

They were a rag tag group. From what Colby had gathered Reggie and Kallie had been coworkers and best friends who hunted together, and Bubba was Reggie's little brother. They'd all left a little town in Alabama together and had been making their way across the country traveling when the apocalypse had started. Unlike most people, it didn't derail their plans much, as they'd continued on their roadtrip shooting and sightseeing, only picking up Nadia along the way until they'd finally made it to LA.

It's a nice energy. A nice change from the doom and gloom of the trap house.

"So anyway, anyway," Nadia shakes off all the compliments, "We were just saying, so Cole. What's your story?"

And then there are four pairs of eyes on him. Colby feels a little awkward in their stare, but tries to play it off. "Oh you know, the usual," He grins wryly. "Came out to LA to make my fame and fortune."

"Let me guess, you were in a band?" Bubba teases and Colby rolls his eyes.

"What gave it away, was it the emo thing?" He laughs and then shakes his head, "No, my uh... my best friend and I came out here to like, make a difference in people's lives. We were uh... we were just YouTubers but uh... we were trying to help people with our channel."

"That's really cool, Brother," Reggie says, and it's only a little weird to hear someone who isn't Elton or Sam call him that. "I can get behind that."

"What happened to him, your best friend?" Kallie's the one who asks, and everyone stares at her. She turns faintly red and shrugs, "What? Everyone's thinkin' it."

Colby swallowed, looking down at the ground. He exhales a small breath. "I guess I uh... you could say I lost him to the apocalypse." 

"I'm sorry, Cole," Nadia touches his shoulder and he's only a little startled. He thinks Nadia realizes that, because she draws her hand back, an apologetic look already on her face. "Sorry..." She starts but Colby shakes his head.

"No, it's uh... it's fine..." He cuts off his words before he blows his cover. They think all of his friends are dead. They probably assumed his "best friend" was too. 

"We're not tryna drudge up bad memories," Bubba says quietly, "You seem like a cool dude, Cole. We could uh..." He looks at the group, "Whadaya'll say about maybe heading back east, helpin' Cole find his family?"

And Colby startles. Because never in his life did he think that this group of total strangers would offer to change their travel plans for him. "Uh..."

Kallie cocks an eyebrow at him, "Maybe share with the class before you go offerin' something that we haven't talked about Bubba." 

"Sorry..." Bubba apologizes quickly but Reggie shrugs. 

"Naw, I mean, I wouldn't be opposed, but like..."

"Guys, I can't like... I can't ask you to change your plans for me," Colby says quickly, because oh fuck, he needs a way to bow out of this.

"It ain't much of a change," Bubba says.

"Bubba," Kallie threatens.

"I really can't like, you guys already came from back there, I can't ask you to..."

"Cole, what is that?" And Colby freezes in place from where he's carding hair back. 

Because he's remembered what's on his neck. 

The same bruise Sam bites into every time it starts to fade. 

Shit.

"It's not a Z bite," He says quickly, "It's from my..." And his brain trips and his face flushes with panic and the word that comes out of his mouth is, "Boyfriend."

There's quiet for a moment, and then Kallie holds her hand up for a high five from Reggie, "Hell yeah, I called it!"

"What?" Now Colby's confused.

"That you were ridin' the rainbow train too," Kallie says with a grin.

"The rainbow... what?"

”You’re gay,” Nadia clarifies.

”Uh... no, I’m... not that there’s anything wrong with that, obviously but...” Colby sighs, pressing his face into his hands. And shit he didn’t trust these people when he first met them but they seem really cool and now he feels bad to keep lying to them. Worse comes to worse, they try to shoot him and he runs for it. He knows this area a lot better than they do. “Okay, so... I may have been lying to you, a little bit?”

Kallie’s instantly suspicious. “What?” She asks tightly, and Colby watches her reach for her gun. 

“Not on the important stuff, but like...” Colby’s carding a hand through his hair again, ”Okay, so... like, my back story’s all the same but like... so my friends aren’t dead?”

And then he’s filling them in on his life, his roommates, the trap house and how it’s become more of a jail cell than a home recently. Because these people are not his roommates and he doesn’t really know them so he can tell them about this stuff.

And before he knows it he’s talking about Sam. And their faces start out rough and distrustful but they slowly soften in understanding as he continues, and he’s just... fucking taking about Sam, in a way he’s probably needed to for months but hasn’t been able to because who the fuck would he have even told but these people... they don’t know him beyond his name and backstory so they can’t judge him for this...

Kallie’s face is soft when he finally shuts his mouth. “Oh Cole Baby,” she murmured, “you need a hug?”

And Colby’s started crying and he didn’t even realize it. “Please?” He says quietly.

And then Kallie wraps him in her arms, and Colby feels Nadia join in on the hug. That’s when he loses the last little control he had of his emotions. 

Because this is the first time he’s cried, really cried since... it’s been a while. 

Stifling sobs of pain and conflicted emotion as Sam fucks him into the bed doesn’t count. 

“I don’t appreciate the lyin’... but I get it,” Bubba says, and Colby feels another hand on his shoulder, “But it makes me even more want to extend the invitation to get you out of here, Brother.” 

“I can’t... I can’t leave him,” Colby breathes, feeling the pain of it in his chest. Fuck, it was supposed to be him and Sam against the world. They were best friends... brothers... But... Sam was hurting him... But he needed him...

”Cole, baby...” Kallie murmurs again.

”But you’re not happy,” Nadia says, “Are you?”

Colby shrugs. He doesn’t know anymore. But maybe the fact that he’s ready to die... and okay with it, every time he comes out here... isn’t a great indicator. 

“I’ve never been good with the whole love thing,” Reggie offers quietly, “And he’s your brother and I get that. There ain’t much I wouldn’t do for Bubba, but...” He looks down, “I know he ain’t fuckin’ me over.” 

Colby sighs through a sob. “It just...” And he doesn’t have the words to defend Sam. And therein lies the problem, because he knows the only thing that ties him to the trap house really, is Sam. And Sam... there’s nothing healthy or sustainable about that. 

“Not sayin’ you gotta choose now,” Kallie says quietly, “But we gotta seat in the back of the Jeep if you’re interested.” 

Colby swallows, nodding. “Thank you...” He says quietly. And he has absolutely no idea if he’ll take them up on it, but the fact that there’s an offer, and that he’s seriously considering taking it... certainly indicates something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm... This is an interesting development... We're starting to see the boys hit their breaking points. 
> 
> As always, hope you guys are enjoying and had a good holiday! 
> 
> Let me know what you think and I'll see you in the next one!


	3. Chapter 3

“Please tell me you guys just had super quiet sex last night and that he’s still upstairs,” There are tired lines on Aaron’s face when Sam comes downstairs in the morning. Such is the exhausted look on Aaron’s face that Sam doesn’t even start too badly when Aaron brings up he and Colby’s relationship. 

It seems Elton bringing it up yesterday made it okay to discuss. Sam grits his teeth a little bit at the thought but shakes his head nonetheless.

“I haven’t seen him.” 

“Fuck,” Aaron mutters, and Sam sees a look of carefully concealed reproach.

“You blame me, don’t you?” Sam asks tightly, because he knows that’s what’s happened. 

Aaron doesn’t respond, but the look he sends back to Sam tells him more than enough. “I just hope he comes back,” Aaron says quietly, and he walks past Sam to go upstairs again. 

Sam groans, running a hand through his hair. “Fuck…” He breathes. 

Where the fuck could Colby be?

He just prays that Colby’s not dead. Or taken, or bitten.

Or just gone. 

Because somehow the idea that he would voluntarily leave Sam is worse than the idea that he might be dead…

OOO

When Colby wakes up there’s someone pressed into his back and loud snoring a few feet from him. He starts, sitting up quickly despite the warm ball he’s curled himself into because where the fuck…

“Hey, hey, you’re good,” He hears a voice next to him and looks to see Nadia watching him evenly, a book held in her hands. It’s her he’s snuggled up against. The snoring is coming from Kallie, tucked into Nadia’s other side. The sun is just up over the horizon, still shedding golden light over the cityscape of LA. 

And then he remembers. 

_“Ain’t no way you’re walkin’ home tonight,” Reggie says firmly, the older brother clear in his voice, “Somethin’ nasty’ll getcha.”_

_“Your boyfriend’ll probably be upset too,” Kallie reminds them._

_“He’s not my boyfriend…”_

_Kallie ignores his protest. “You’ve told us he doesn’t like when you’re out late. You already talked about a lot today, let’s let that settle before you go facin’ him again.”_

_Colby hates that they’re probably right. “But everyone will worry,” He says, feeling like he has to protest at least a little bit._

_“You’re allowed to be selfish, Cole,” Nadia points out, and Colby winces._

_“Too much other miserable shit goin’ on for you to be making yourself miserable,” Bubba points out._

_“You can crash with us in the bed of the truck,” Kallie says, grinning at him, “Bubba and Reggie are on watch tonight.”_

_“Aw man,” Bubba groans, “I forgot about that.”_

_Wait, wait, wait, this is all happening too fast. “I couldn’t impose on you like that,” Colby keeps trying to insist._

_“Cole, are you considerin’ joining us?” Reggie asks. Colby swallows, because that’s the million dollar question isn’t it? Reggie doesn’t wait for an answer, saying, “Because if you are, and I’m thinkin’ you should, I wouldn’t mind a trial run of how you are in the mornings. Kallie was awful with her coffee. Now we all just keep our mouths shut until she stops glarin’.”_

_“I’m usually glarin’ because some jackass’s bad jokes kept me up on my off night,” Kallie glares at him, and Reggie looks at Colby, pointing._

_“Like that one.”_

_Kallie flips him off and he laughs._

_Colby takes a deep breath, before he nods. Because he might be breaking his unspoken promise to Sam, and he’s definitely breaking his promise to Elton, but staying the night with these people… and going with them in the morning… is something he’s starting to seriously consider._

_“Okay,” He agrees quietly._

He’d curled up in the back of Kallie and Nadia’s truck with them and their nest of blankets and pillows. It was a bit weird to be outside, reminded him of camping trips of days long gone with Sam, but it was comfortable enough. He’d tried to stay on his own side of the bed, but it appeared that in his sleep his body had other plans… 

Nadia smiles at him. “You’re a bit of a cuddle bug.” She doesn’t say it with any reproach, but Colby still feels obligated to apologize.

“Shit, sorry…” He whispers, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Nadia waves him off. “Nah, you’re good,” She’s still smiling. “You don’t have to worry about discomfort when I sleep with a foghorn every night.” She grins affectionately at Kallie, who lets out another loud snore. 

Colby can still feel that his cheeks are hot. “But I didn’t mean to…”

Nadia rolls her eyes at him, reaching over his shoulders to pull him back into her. “Maybe the apocalypse left us with no shits to give, but no one’s gonna judge you for wanting cuddles,” She said, and Colby made a noise of surprise. Nadia was stronger than she looked. “‘Sides… it’s been a while since you’ve had affection that wasn’t related to sex hasn’t it?”

Colby looks away and doesn’t say anything, but that seems to be answer enough for Nadia. She nods smartly at him like he just confirmed a theory of hers and turns back to her book. He looks at the cover, and he can see it’s some sort of stereotypical romance novel, shirtless man and scantily clad woman on the front cover. He feels a smile tug at his lips. “Good book?” And he hopes that they’re at the point that he can tease her.

Nadia squints an eye out at him, “They’re fun, easy reads,” She explains, “And there’s always a happy ending.” 

Colby thinks for a moment, having not really made that connection before. “That’s… that’s true…” He admits. “I didn’t think about that.”

“It’s nice, because like…” She thinks, “I never know how my story’s going to end. Because it’s happy right now, but like...” She shrugs, “Things change real quick these days.” 

Colby nods, because that’s sure the truth. He’s quiet for a few moments, lost in his own thoughts, thinking about Sam and the trap house while he enjoys the feeling of another human pressed against him without the expectation of sex. 

Nadia is right. He has missed it. 

“You going to go back to them?” Nadia asks him suddenly, looking out from behind her book. 

Colby frowns. “I don’t… I don’t know,” He says honestly. 

Nadia nods at him sadly, knowingly. “It’s really hard,” She says quietly, “To give up on people.”

Colby looks at her, anxious indecision making his heart race. “It’s because it’s not just him,” He says, “My other roommates, they wouldn’t… I can’t just disappear. That would be… it would be wrong.” 

“You can always tell them you’re leaving,” Nadia offers, “Or leave a note?”

“I could,” Colby says, “But…” And his emotions are choking up in his throat again, because it was Sam. It was always about Sam. “We were… we were supposed to be different. We were supposed to change people.” 

XPLR. Never Normal. Take Chances. Beyond the Norm. It was their whole thing. 

_Their_ whole thing. 

Sam and Colby against the world.

“Oh Cole…” Nadia’s reaching for him but all of the sudden the blankets and the pillows just feel too trapping and Colby needs to be out of this truck bed. 

“I’m sorry,” Colby whispers, struggling out of the nest and hopping out onto the hillside. He stands there for a moment, just trying to breathe and remember that he’s okay… no matter what the scared, trapped animal in his chest is trying to say. 

“Cole…” Nadia starts, but Colby’s saved from having to talk about it when Reggie wanders up.

“So, Cole, Bubba and I have been talkin’ all night while y’all three got your beauty sleep,” There’s a teasing grin on his face, “We were wonderin’ if you’d be interested in showing us the sights of LA, and/or breaking into one of them mansions with us.” There’s a mischievous look in his eyes.

And Colby’s going to jump on whatever train he has to to not think about making his decision to leave the trap house

_And Sam_

Right now.

“Sure,” He says, a grin breaking out on his face. “Why did I never think of that?”

“‘Cause you ain’t watched Zombieland a million times with your little brother,” Reggie jerks a thumb at Bubba, who waves, “We wanna find one with a pool.”

“I wanna go swimmin’…” They hear a faint voice from the bed of the truck and look over to see Kallie blinking at them. 

“Then let’s do it,” Reggie says, clapping his hands. “I’ll start strikin’ camp. Maybe they got some good food too. Been too damn long since I’ve had me some canned fruit.” 

“Can I help?” Colby asks, because he can feel the way Nadia is looking at him, even as she tries to smile and be enthusiastic for their trip. 

Because he’s not going to think about the trap house right now.

OOO

Devyn’s the second person in almost four months to ask if she can come into his room. Sam lets her in, but that’s only because he can’t see open hostility in her face. Not that he can see much of anything in Devyn’s face these days.

She barely reacts to the mess of his room, not pausing in shock at the door like Colby had…

Fuck, he had really fucked up that encounter. He realized that now. Doesn’t change that there isn’t anything he can do about it now. “You here to blame me for Colby being gone too?” He asks tightly.

She shakes her head, moving to sit on his bed. “You’re doing it to yourself enough,” She says quietly. Sam sighs, because she’s not wrong. 

He knows 100% that if he never sees Colby again it’ll be his fault. Whether because Colby got killed, or bitten or… and his heart judders a little bit at the thought… if he intentionally put himself in a situation he couldn’t get out of because he didn’t care if he did…

Fuck. And suddenly that’s all Sam can think about. Fuck, he had known Colby was somewhere close to the edge of something, had called him on it before, and then yesterday, when he had almost died…

“Fuck…” Sam breathed, terror slamming into his lungs. “Do you think he…” He doesn’t want to say it, give a name to the terrible, terrible thing that he’s just realized could have happened. Because he swears that he and Colby are… had been… so close that he would have thought that he would know, would have felt if something horrible had happened to Colby…

“Do I think he’s alive?” Devyn asks, and she shrugs. “I hope so.”

“No, he…” Sam swallows, “I just… I wonder…”

“How hard he’s trying to stay that way?” Devyn asks, a look on her face like she was reluctant to say such a thing, “I don’t know that, Sam.” 

And of course she knows. Of course she knows Colby’s been close to that edge for a month now. Maybe longer. Knows that if anyone would be able to push him over it… that it would be Sam. “God, I fucked up,” He breathed. 

Devyn doesn’t try to contradict him. He wouldn’t believe her even if she had. “I always wondered what it would take for you to figure it out.” She says quietly instead. “I was hoping you’d figure it out before I did.”

There’s a sound of deep regret in her voice, and Sam looks at her with interest. “What do you mean?”

There’s a sad look on her face. It’s some of the first emotion Sam has seen from her in a long time. “Corey and I were fighting a lot, before everything ended,” She explains quietly, and Sam’s eyes widen, because he never knew this, “I honestly think that if things had continued the way they were we would have broken up. It was… mostly over stupid shit, I see that now,” There’s half a regretful smile on her face. 

“And then… and then…” She continues, “Then everything went to hell, and we got better for a little bit just because we didn’t have time to be worrying about us when… when people were eating people in the streets. And then things settled into our new normal and we started fighting again and then… well, Corey got bit.” Her voice got all quiet at the end. “I think that’s when we actually figured it out. But it was a bit too late at that point.” 

“Devyn…” Sam murmurs, and there’s emotion in his voice that he was sure he’d forgotten how to feel. 

“And now he’s gone and I’m… I’m still here, I guess,” Devyn shrugs, looking at the floor, “So… I find it interesting because like… I feel like I’m both of you here. I understand how you feel Sam but… I also get where Colby’s at with the whole, wondering if it’s worth it to... to stick around…”

Sam swallows at the idea as something in his chest spasms. God, Devyn's been through a lot in these past few months, and if Colby had been close to the edge... He can't imagine how she's still hanging on. Life had certainly given her more than enough excuses to call it. 

And in that moment he's so, so glad that she's still here. Because he's pretty sure that she's the only on left in the house who hasn't given up on him.

Maybe Colby included. "Devyn, I'm sorry..."

Devyn flinches a little and Sam immediately regrets the apology. "Sorry doesn't change anything," She says quietly, but when she looks at him, there’s a strange fierceness in her eyes, “I just hope he comes back okay, and that you can figure it out with him in time.” She looks away again. “I miss seeing you two happy.” 

“I miss Kat,” Sam says bitterly, trying to hang onto some of his bitterness. Because if he doesn’t… the wall of emotions battering at his mental walls are going to come crashing down.

Devyn sighs, playing absentmindedly with her hair, “I miss her too,” She says honestly. “I miss her _so_ much, but…” And she locks eyes with Sam, “She wouldn’t want this for you. You know that.” 

Sam swallows down the lump in his throat. “Yeah…” He murmurs, “I know.” Because she’s right. Kat wouldn’t want this for him. Kat would have wanted him to be happy, in whatever form that took, even if it meant…

_God, he fucked up…_

He’s losing control of his emotions. The walls that he’d had up for months and months are finally, finally breaking down. He feels tears in his eyes. Devyn looks at him, and there’s some satisfaction in her eyes, like she finally got through to him. “Can I have a moment?” He asks quietly. 

She nods, standing up from the bed. She pauses a moment, before wrapping her arms around him gently. Sam’s startled for a moment, before relaxing into the hug. “It’ll be okay,” She murmurs, “I’m gonna go downstairs and make some tea, if you want to join me.” She smiles up at him, and it’s the first smile he’s seen from her in a while.

He nods. He may do that. But first, well…

He has some long overdue processing to do.

Fuck… he hopes Colby is alright…

OOO

“Cannonball!”

Colby jumps as Bubba tears past him in all of his naked glory. He laughs, shielding his eyes and watching as Kallie strips down, giggling and chucking her clothes at Nadia. “Come on, Cole, lets go!” 

Nadia and Reggie are quickly undressing as well, and Colby only hesitates a moment before joining them. 

It’s not like he had any shame left either. 

This is their third McMansion today. Colby found out that Nadia had been a locksmith in her former life, because she was able to pick their way into every single one. Colby figured that they probably had fancy electronic security systems that had failed when the power had, so all that was left were simple locks. 

All the better for a bunch of troublemakers to break into on a joyride. 

They’d finally found the fucking jackpot. It’s an indoor pool, pool chairs scattered around the edge. Colby wonders who had lived here and needed this extravagance in their house. 

He’s not complaining.

The pool is a little dingy, but its still cleaner than the average lake, so they’d deemed it safe to swim in. 

It’s been too long since Colby’s gone swimming.

Nadia shrieks as she splashes into the water, Kallie and Reggie joining in. Colby jumps in too, and he feels all the air rush out of him at the chill of the water. He surfaces, laughing as his face breaks the surface. 

“This is awesome!” He yells, looking around at the people around him. But he stops when he sees the looks of horror they’re giving him. Something heavy drops into his stomach. “What?” He asks.

Bubba and Reggie look at each other and Nadia looks away, but Kallie speaks up. “Cole… you’re fuckin’ covered…”

Colby looks down at himself, and he realizes what they’ve all seen. 

The bruises that Sam’s left on him. The new ones on his arm, neck, and collarbone. The older yellowing ones all over his body… “Uh…” He says, not sure what to say but suddenly self conscious.

The roommates have been ignoring the bruises for so long that he’s forgotten that they’re not normal. 

“That ain’t right,” Reggie whispers. 

“Uh…” He tries to start again but words don’t make it from his mouth. Because sure he’d told them all about Sam last night, but for them to actually see the marks that Sam had left on his body, the evidence of the abuse…

“I asked for it?” Colby tries to defend himself, defend Sam, but the words come out weak even to his own ears. 

“Cole, baby…” Kallie says again, sadness on her face.

“Uh…” And his heart is starting to race, blood pounding in his ears, because he is not ready to talk about this right now, not ready to even begin to address how he feels about the bruises, about Sam, because even though he told them most of it last night he clearly hadn’t emphasized how rough the sex was…

Nadia comes to the rescue, splashing Kallie in the face with water. Kallie sputters, turning accusing eyes to Nadia. “Babe, what the…” And Nadia splashes her again, shooting another burst of water at Reggie, who also sputters in surprise. Bubba gets with the program, also splashing his brother, and before too long it seems that everyone has forgotten about the bruises, and they’re all busy rejoicing in something stupid and childish.

It’s been way too long since Colby’s been able to do that.

And he’s glad, he’s so glad, that he ran into these people yesterday.

OOO

Sam’s not sure how long he cries, but it feels like hours as all the emotions he’s been holding behind an iron wall in his chest finally crash out. Fuck, he misses Kat. He misses her so much, he had been so destroyed by her death…

And he had blamed it all on Colby. Taken it out on Colby. Thought that Colby would just be there to take it, be the constant in his life. 

Take Sam’s pain and wear it on his skin.

And he’s finally taken too much. Maybe. Maybe that’s why Colby’s gone. 

Sam’s chest hurts, not with pain brought on by physical means but by the emotions trying to burst from his chest. Fuck… he hadn’t realized how much he was relying on Colby to keep him grounded. Now that Colby is gone… Sam feels like a buoy cut adrift in a storm.

Colby’s the last thing keeping him sane. If Colby’s dead, captured, just…

Gone…

Sam’s not sure he won’t follow him. 

“Fuck… fuck fuck fuck…” He stands up from his bed, casting a look around his disaster of a room. The early afternoon sun is trying valiantly to cast light into his cave through his shutters, and the places it illuminates are a mess. He hasn’t cleaned it since Kat… He pauses, because thinking about her always brings splitting, awful pain to his chest, pain that could only be muted by…

Colby…

The one who could be dead right now. 

Or just… just gone. 

And Sam would never know what happened to him, just like his parents, his siblings, all his other friends and family…

He picks a shirt up off the floor, staring at it. This was always one of Kat’s favorite ones to steal…

 _“It smells like you,”_ She’d giggle into his ear, hugging him from behind. “ _And I like how you smell…”_

God, he doesn’t even want to think about how he smells right now. Not like there’s much he can do about it. He and the other roommates had just started ignoring each other’s smells. 

He casts a look around the room, then up at the photo of Kat on his wall. 

Well… he can’t bring her back, and he can’t locate Colby but… he can maybe get his room clean…

It’s late afternoon when Sam’s finally staring at his room, ordered back into a little bit more organized of a state. He smirks a little bit in pride, realizing how strange the gesture feels on his face. 

It’s been a long time since _he_ smiled too, he realizes. 

Maybe he needs to fix that. 

With one last satisfied nod, he decides he needs to face his roommates. He’s been a fucking asshole and he should probably apologize… He comes downstairs to take Devyn up on her offer of tea, if she’s still down there. Only expecting Devyn, he's a little taken aback when he finds Devyn and Elton standing around the kitchen island. 

“Guys…” And then Sam immediately feels like something is wrong. “What happened?” Because there's something heavy and wounded in the air, and there's an awful look on Elton and Devyn's face, one that he hasn't seen since... They turn to look at him. Elton’s got a horizontal cut on his cheek that is just starting to scab over and he's standing just a little funny. 

"Aaron's dead," Devyn whispers, and her arms wrap tighter around her body.

And the world drops out from under Sam again. "What?" He whispers, feeling like his heart has been ripped from his chest.

"Our neighbors..." Elton explains tightly, and Sam can hear the tight control Elton is keeping on his voice. "Aaron and I were out scouting for... out scouting..." the _for Colby_ goes unsaid, "And they fuckin'... fuckin' shot at us..." He scrubs roughly at his face. "Called a bunch of Z's on us... Aaron got shot... I'm the only one who got away..." 

"Fuck..." Sam whispers, and he catches the counter because he feels dizzy all of the sudden, like the world is spinning out. Aaron is... he can't be... fuck, he never got to apologize for being an asshole for all this time... Aaron had died thinking that Sam _hated him_... 

"It gets worse," Elton says blankly, and there's a scary tone in his voice, one that Sam's never heard before. "Because I think... I think..." And Elton's hands are working on the counter, restlessly clenching and unclenching. "I think they've got Colby."

OOO

“Who needs eight bedrooms?” Reggie demands, “It’s just a fuckin’ waste of space is what it is.” He’s flopped out on one of the multiple beds in the McMansion. They’re crashing here for the night. It’s been decided.

And Colby is crashing with them. Putting off his decision one more night.

Or maybe just making one. 

“Maybe he had a lot of bangers?” Colby offers, and he’s wrapped up in just a fleece blanket, not wanting to put his dirty clothes back on after his swim/bath. They'd dug through the bathrooms to find actual bathing products and fuck, this was the first time he had really washed his hair in… so long. It feels almost unnaturally clean and fluffy against his skin, his body feeling almost naked without his accustomed layer of dirt and grime. “Needed places for people to crash when they got too drunk to get home?”

That brought back memories of the trap house and it’s various parties, the cops getting called, the drunken shenanigans… all in the past now, of course.

Nadia smirks. “Like Uber would ever be too expensive for anyone who lived here.” This room has two king sized beds, and it's been lit up by a variety of camping lanterns and candles. It's actually super peaceful. Nadia's dressed in an over-sized shirt they'd found in one of the rooms, leaning against Kallie, who’s currently buried in the super soft down bedding. 

“I don’t fuckin’ care,” Colby hears Kallie’s muffled voice. “This is amazing. Can we stay here forever?”

“I thought you wanted to hike the Andes?” Nadia pokes her girlfriend. 

“Can I bring the bed?” Nadia giggles and pecks her lips.

“I’m down for camping here a few days, doing some more sightseeing?” Reggie agrees, looking at his brother. “Thoughts, Bubba?”

Bubba shrugs, “Y’all know I’m down for whatever,” He says. He looks at Colby, “Gives Cole a chance to make some decisions, too.”

The mood in the room drops a little bit. Colby sighs, hiding his face in his blanket. Guilt and insecurity crash down around him again. He wraps the blanket a little tighter around himself, trying to hide the contusions that cover his skin. 

“I’m sorry…” He whispers, “I don’t mean to hold you guys up…”

“Cole…” Reggie murmurs, and Colby hears the movement before he feels the embrace that’s wrapped around him. “Ain’t no one rushin’ you, little brother. It ain’t a small decision.”

“To leave the abusive asshole, or not to leave the abusive asshole,” Kallie muses tightly. Colby cringes, and he isn’t able to police the wounded sound that comes out of his mouth.

“Kallie!” Bubba admonishes. 

“I don’t tolerate abusers,” Kallie snaps, and Colby can see her poke her head out from underneath the blankets. “Even less reason to now that I can kill them…” And unexpectedly, her voice breaks. 

“Baby…” Nadia murmurs, and she looks at the guys. “We’re gonna hop next door, okay?”

“‘M fine…” Kallie protests halfheartedly.

“No, you’re not,” Nadia retorts, “Come on, baby, please?”

Kallie sniffles, but doesn’t offer any more protests as Nadia leads her by her hand from the room. 

Colby blinks, not quite recognizing what he’d seen until Reggie murmurs, “Her little sister was killed by her husband uh… a couple of days after we left town.”

"Shit..." Colby breathes, his heart jumping in his chest.

“She’d been tellin’ us he was gonna for months…” Bubba says quietly. “We’d seen the signs o’ course but…. Small town rules, y’know?”

And then it makes sense, and Colby swallows in understanding and horror. “Sam wouldn’t… he’d never…” Colby starts, because he instinctively wants to protect and defend Sam because he knows Sam would never... 

“Julie used to say the same thing,” Reggie says, and there’s an undercurrent of regret and sadness in his voice. 

“He stopped when I told him to,” Colby clings to the things he does know, because Sam may be hurt, and desperate, and scared, and all these things because of the apocalypse and Kat’s death but he’s not… he’s not abusive…

Right?

“Not rapin’ someone doesn’t mean not abusin’ someone,” Reggie reminds him and Bubba nods. They look older, sadness adding new lines to their faces that the beards can’t cover. They’re not even that old, Colby realizes, maybe in their thirties or forties. 

The apocalypse has left its mark on them too.

“You’re a good guy, Cole,” Bubba says, and Colby feels him rest a hand on Colby’s shoulder, “Don’t let him ruin what life you got left.” And he seems to be done with this conversation, because he stands and yawns. “I’m gonna get some shut eye. Been too long since I had a real bed and didn’t have to pull a dog watch.”

“I heard that,” Reggie agrees, standing and flopping back into the bed behind them. 

“Should we wait for Kallie and Nadia?” Colby asks, looking at the brothers.

Reggie chuckles, shaking his head. “Naw, they ain’t comin’ back,” He says, “Listen.” And Colby listens, and immediately feels his cheeks heat, because he can hear soft noises that are the two girls very clearly enjoying themselves. 

“Alright, I get your point,” Colby acknowledges. “I’ll find a bed somewhere.” 

“You’re welcome to stay here,” Bubba offers, “Reggie and I can share a bed. Been doin’ that for years.”

“Or you can share with one of us,” Reggie winks at him jokingly.

“No, I uh… I wouldn’t mind some time to just uh… think…” Colby says quietly. “If that’s okay?”

Reggie spreads his hands in a peacemaking gesture. “Hey, whatever makes you happy, little brother,” He says, and Colby nods his thanks.

Colby leaves the room, wandering down the hall past where he can hear Nadia and Kallie to a bedroom he had seen on the way in. The bed had looked soft, but not the monstrous pile of blankets and pillows like the other rooms. 

Might actually feel a little less alien in this world that was already shifting too much. 

Besides, he had seen a book shelf in there, and he’s starting to wonder if reading might not be such a bad way to spend the evening…

OOO

“You think they have Colby?” Devyn asks, and there’s doubt in her voice. She's not crying, her face scarily blank again. But then, that seems to almost be her default these days. 

“I mean, it would make sense, right?” Elton says, and his hands are clenched into fists. “They basically attack me and Aaron while we’re nowhere near them, taunt us about where Colby is, and we haven’t seen him?” His voice is angry, “Maybe that’s why he didn’t come back.” 

“But what exactly did they say about him?” Devyn presses, crossing her arms over her chest, “I don’t know about this, guys…”

“‘Haven’t seen your friend out today. Hope nothing’s happened to him!’” Elton mocks angrily, anger and fear and pain tight in his voice.

“That doesn’t necessarily mean that…”

“Colby would have come back,” Sam whispered. “He would have come back, if he could.” Now that Sam has someone else to blame but Colby for Colby’s disappearance, he’s sure that’s what happened. 

Colby wouldn’t leave him. He can’t believe he doubted him. 

Elton nods, "He promised..." He whispers, more to himself than the other two.

“We gotta get him back,” Sam says, and he sees nods from the two. “They’ve already had him for too long.” Who knows what they’d done to him in that time? Sam knew they’d been aggressive towards Colby before, had seen marks on him that he hadn’t left. They had hurt him before. Why wouldn’t they do it again? “They’ve tried to take him before,” Sam growls, and suddenly the room is looking at him. 

And Sam remembers that neither him or Colby had told the roommates about that.

“What?” Elton asks tightly.

“I uh… I saw the marks, on his wrists…” Sam says faintly. “And uh… I didn’t put them there…”

A horrible realization comes over Elton’s face. “That’s what those were from? I thought you had just tied him down…” Elton looks at him, and there’s barely masked fury in his eyes. “And _neither_ of you said anything?”

“Fuck you Elton,” Sam snaps, because he knew this would be the reaction. “Would you have even believed me if I did?”

Elton’s still glaring at him, but it softens as he sighs loudly. “You have a point,” He said grudgingly.

“No one’s been trusting each other lately,” Devyn says quietly, and a small silence of realization falls over the group. They’ve all been so wrapped up in their own demons that none of them have given any room for anyone else. 

And now they’re here.

Elton’s still planning, ideas crashing back and forth over his face. “I’m all for going in guns blazing,” Elton mutters, “But like… we don’t really have the manpower… people power…” He catches himself when Devyn glares at him, “Or the guns to face them straight out. We’ll all just get ourselves killed.”

And Sam knows that, but he doesn’t want to leave Colby with those people a second longer than he has to. “I won’t leave him with them,” Sam says tightly, and his arms are crossed. “I swear to God, if they hurt him…”

“We’re not going to leave him,” Devyn seems to be agreeing with Elton, “We just gotta figure out what we can trade…” She starts casting a look at the pantry. “Or if we can trade? Like, what could we even…” A dark look crosses her face as she thinks and Sam worries about what idea she’s had.

“We’ll figure something out,” Elton says firmly, looking around at everyone. “No one does anything stupid or rash until we come up with a game plan, okay?” He looks at Sam, “That means you, dude.”

Sam glares at him in response. Elton looks up at the ceiling before letting out a deep sigh and looking back at him. “Look, Sam…”

As Elton steps towards him, Sam instinctively takes a step back, not having forgotten the choke hold Elton had him in yesterday. Elton stops, pain on his face. There’s quiet for a moment, as Elton and Sam stare at each other. 

“Look… I want Colby back too,” Elton says finally, and there’s a voice Sam hasn’t heard from Elton in a long time. It’s his worried “Uncle Elton” voice. Sam hadn’t realized how much he’d missed it. “We haven’t known him as long as you have but… we love him too. We want to save him just as much as you do. I just..." And his voice breaks just a little bit, "I don’t want to lose anyone else, okay?” 

And it probably would have taken months of apologies and reworking their friendship if everything hadn't happened the way it had, but as it was, Aaron was dead, Colby had been taken, and it was just him, and Elton, and Devyn left. Sam swallows, and lets himself remember the friendship that he and Elton had had. “I know.” And he does, if he forces himself to think through his emotions he knows that. But he’s so scared to lose Colby, so scared that the situation might be time sensitive, that if they wait too long…

“We’ll figure it out,” Elton promises, addressing the room at large. “We’ll come up with a plan and we’ll get him back. I’ll come up with something to night and we’ll go at first light, okay?”

And Sam nods, because he knows that’s what Elton wants to see. And he should probably feel worse about the lie, but now that he knows where Colby is, he can go to him, get him back.

Make things right. 

He can’t believe he ever doubted that Colby would have come back for him.

And it’s not much longer before Sam is out the door. 

OOO

“I should at least talk to them…” Colby says, and he’s got his arms wrapped around his knees. “I can’t just leave without telling them. They deserve… that at least…”

Bubba dips his head in acknowledgment. “I get that.”

It had been a long night. Colby had spent it considering his options. 

To stay or go. 

Stay with Sam and Elton and Devyn and Aaron… or leave with these people, who he’s just met but who already were doing wonders for his mental health. Because the idea of going back to the trap house, to the same pattern of sleeping, fucking, and escaping, of going back to not caring if he lived or died…

Because staying with Bubba and Reggie and Kallie and Nadia… that excited him. The idea of traveling around the country again, just like he and Sam had been doing…

But without Sam. 

Because he didn’t think that the group’s invitation to him extended to his friends. 

Besides... he’d lost Sam a long time ago. The person who lingered at the trap house was just a ghost of his best friend.

In the end… only one decision made sense. But he isn’t going to leave without at least telling Elton. 

He owed Elton that much. 

“Well,” Kallie says, and she mimes dusting her hands off. “Let’s go find some breakfast. And then uh… then we go tell your friends, I guess?”

“I guess so,” Colby says quietly, feeling anxiety like a ball of ice in his gut. He doesn’t want to tell them. But if he’s leaving… and he thinks he is… they deserve to know that he’s not dead at least.

Hopefully Elton will at least tell Sam.

“Fuck…” Colby breathes, once the rest of the group has gotten up and is moving around.

“I’m sorry, Sam.”

OOO

On one hand… their crazy neighbors don’t have Colby… so that’s good, Sam supposes.

On the other hand, they have _him_ … which is definitely a problem. 

And with his hands bound behind him with barbed wire and a gun held to his throat… he’s not going to be able to do much about the guy approaching him with a bloody knife.

He’s got overgrown mutton chops and a murderous glint in his eyes. “Time to send a little message to your friends…” He chuckles, and raises the knife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait until Friday to post this but... I got impatient.
> 
> These chapters are coming out much longer than I thought they would. But I’m okay with it and I know you guys are too.
> 
> I’ve been writing the next chapter (and guys I just found out you can have multiple chapters pending at a time how did I never know this?) and shit... this shit gets dark. Hope y’all are ready. I’ll have to update the tags I guess. Just a disclaimer that I will be making use of the full range of that E warning.
> 
> Next chapter goes up Friday, January 3rd!
> 
> Happy New Years Eve! Hope y’all have fun and stay safe, and I’ll see you in the new year!
> 
> As always, let me know what you think! Reviews make my heart happy!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags have changed. Please view them and read at your own discretion.

Colby directs his new friends back to the trap house with the most awful, ice cold dread in his chest. He rode in the truck with Nadia and Kallie, sandwiched between the two as Kallie drove. Bubba and Reggie follow behind them in the Jeep, and as Kallie rides with the windows down, Colby can occasionally hear whoops and cheers from the Jeep behind them as the vehicles plow into unfortunate Z’s who get in the way of the caravan. It’s like playing GTA in real life, and Colby wishes he could enjoy it more.

He’s just really, really nervous to confront his friends.

Elton’s going to be heartbroken, Colby knows it. As tough as Uncle Elton likes to play, Colby knows he sees Colby as a little brother, has always been fiercely protective of him and supportive of him. Continued to show him unconditional support and caring after… after the world had ended and things with Sam had changed. 

Because loyalty to Sam had kept him coming back.

Loyalty to Elton had kept him alive.

 _Fuck…_ but this is going to break Elton’s heart, isn’t it?

“You doing okay, Cole?” It’s Nadia who’s voice finally breaks him out of his pensive state.

Colby turns to look at her, putting a smile on his face. He can tell from the incredulous look on her face that it’s not very effective. “I’m… I’m nervous…” He admits. “I know that like… telling them is the right thing to do and like… I couldn’t leave without telling them but…”. He swallows. “I’m still scared to tell them.”

“You deserve to be happy,” Kallie pipes in unexpectedly. There’s a wry smile on her lips as she drives. “If you need backup, I got guns in the back seat.”

“Please don’t shoot them,” Colby groans, running a hand through his hair. “They’ve all just… been through a lot.”

“I know,” Kallie say, and her voice is unexpectedly soft, “Don’ mean I’m not goin’ to try to protect you, okay? Whatever they say… we got your back.” She flashes him a quick, earnest smile, before looking back at the road and jerking on the wheel hard. Colby’s thrown against his seatbelt and he hears a wet thud on the front of the truck. “Ha! That’s 100 points for me!” Kallie hollers, and Nadia and Colby roll their eyes at each other.

Colby never thought that hitting Z’s on the road would qualify as a game. But Kallie and Bubba and Reggie have made it as such. He doesn’t know how he feels about it. Maybe he’ll get used to it with time.

He’ll hopefully be with these people for a while.

Colby’s forgotten how much closer everything seems when he can ride in a car as opposed to walking. A walk that would take him two or three hours only took like fifteen or twenty minutes in the vehicles, and before he was really ready, he found that the cars have pulled to a stop at the gate outside the trap house. 

“This is it?” Kallie asks, looking at house, a careful look on her face.

Colby nods, his heart hammering in his chest. “Yeah… this is it.”

“Cool,” Kallie nods, opening the door and pulling out a long knife. “Alright, let’s kill the fuckers the cars dragged in and go say hi.” She hops out of the truck and Colby sees her sink the knife into a Z’s skull that wandered too close.

Nadia catches his shoulder before he climbs out too. “We gotcha,” She says quietly, “Remember that, okay? If you need to walk out… we’re gone, okay?”

“Okay…” Colby murmurs, his heart pounding in his chest, “Thank you, Nadia.”

She squeezes his shoulder, before climbing out of the truck on her side. Colby hesitates just a few seconds longer, before drawing his own knife and joining them.

Between the five of them, the Z’s attracted by the noise of the engines are dispatched fairly quickly and Colby and his new friends are staring at the gate. Elton’s got a padlock on it, and Colby pulls the key out of his pocket to unlock the walking entrance. His hands are shaking, and he feels someone put a hand on his shoulder, turning to see that it’s Reggie. “We’re with you, little brother,” He says gently. Kallie’s got a gun in her hands, and she hefts it against her shoulder with a grin.

Colby nods, and finally turns the padlock. The chain falls open and Colby’s granted entrance to the trap house courtyard. He locks the gate behind them, and then slowly walks up to the double door. There’s a lock on this one too, and Colby has to pause a moment before unlocking it.

“We can still just go,” Bubba reminds him, and Colby knows that, know that they could just take off and go and not tell anyone but… no. That wouldn’t be right. He takes a deep breath and unlocks the door, pushing it open.

He doesn’t expect the barrel of a gun to be right in his face. He sees the gun before the person behind it, hears as Kallie yells for the person to drop their weapon, feels the group behind him tense up, before he hears the quiet gasp, “Colby?”

And then Colby’s eyes refocus, and he’s able to see that it’s Devyn holding the gun, Elton behind her with his katana, both of them looking frozen in absolute shock to see him. 

“Hey?” Colby says, a sheepish grin creeping onto his face without his permission. “I’m home?”

And then there’s a clatter of weapons before there are two pairs of arms around him as both Devyn and Elton hug him tightly. He’s a little shocked about the hug from Devyn, less so from Elton, but either way their hugs catch him off guard. He can feel the intensity of the emotions that they’re feeling in their embraces, and Colby lets himself be held by his friends for a few moments. 

Maybe he’s more touch starved than he realized.

“I’m okay, guys, I’m okay, jeez…” Colby comforts them, wrapping arms around them as he extricates them from the tight hug. 

“You were gone for two days,” Elton says, “We thought…” He pulls back suddenly from the hug. “Is Sam with you?” And then he’s looking over Colby’s shoulder at the people assembled with him.

Devyn detaches as well as Colby draws back. “No…” Colby says, and there’s an awful feeling in his stomach. “He’s not with you?” And there’s another person missing from the equation. “Where’s Aaron?”

The look Elton and Devyn give him don’t give him any reassurance. “We’ll uh…” Elton swallows, “Where have you been? Who are these people?”

But Colby shakes his head, because he can feel that something is wrong, wrong, wrong... “Where’s Aaron, Elton? And Sam?” The awful feeling in his gut is growing. “Elton? Devyn?”

Elton doesn’t want to say it, but Devyn answers, reaching down and hefting her rifle back in her hands. “Aaron’s dead,” She says simply, “And Sam’s… gone.” She nods her head into the house, “Everyone should come inside.”

And it’s like the world’s tilted on it’s axis. _What_...? Colby feels a hand on his shoulder, and it takes a female southern drawl in his ear to tell him it’s Kallie and that she’s grabbed him because he’s swayed on his feet. “Easy there, Cole.”

“Aaron’s… dead?” Colby heard his voice like it was coming from far away. “What… how… what…?”

“I’m thinking we should take your friends up on their offer of steppin’ inside,” Reggie points out, casting a look behind them, “Don’t wanna get no _unwelcome_ guests.” Colby nods, still reeling, and lets Reggie steer him inside the trap house.

And right away its already different from previous times because everyone files in and no one takes their clothes off. Devyn just quietly locks the door behind them as Elton leads the way to one of the couches. Colby’s still in shock, he thinks, as Nadia pulls him down onto the couch with her.

_Aaron... Aaron can’t be dead... he was just alive two days ago... Colby just saw him..._

Elton doesn’t sit but Devyn does, curling into the corner of the couch again with her rifle. Bubba and Reggie glance at each other before sitting, and Colby catches Kallie eying Devyn with interest before she sits down on Nadia’s other side. 

Colby runs hands that feel numb through his hair before he looks at Elton. All he can do is just ask in disbelief, “Dude… what the fuck did I miss?”

“You first,” Elton says tightly. “You disappeared for two days. And then you show up with these people. We thought…” He shakes his head. “Talk.”

And Colby really, really wants to know _what the fuck_ happened, but he’s seen that stubborn hardness on Elton’s face before and knows he’s not going to budge. So Colby sighs, and he starts talking, introducing each of his new friends in turn and explaining to Elton and Devyn where _the fuck_ he’s been for the past two days. When he hits the end of the story, where he’s expected to tell Devyn and Elton that he’s going to leave them… he hesitates.

From the look in Elton’s eyes though, he knows what Colby’s not saying. The real reason he came back. Elton presses his lips together and then speaks, “You’re coming to say goodbye, aren’t you?” There’s a certain deadness and acceptance in his voice.

Colby looks down, then at Nadia, Kallie, Reggie, and Bubba, who are all looking at him supportively. So he nods, looking back at Elton. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

Elton looks away, and Colby watches his throat work. His hands clench and unclench where they’re gripped around arms that are crossed across his chest. He huffs a small laugh, shaking his head. “I’m not even mad,” He says, surprising Colby. He had honestly expected Elton to… to be really angry. “Sam’s been pushing you for so long… I figured we’d lose you… in one way or another.” It goes unsaid what that other way was.

“Elton… I’m sorry,” Colby feels compelled to say, wanting to reach for Elton but also kind of afraid to. Elton looks about ready to shatter, like the wrong touch would send little pieces of him crumbling to the ground. 

Elton laughs softly again, disbelievingly. “No need to apologize,” He says, still not looking at Colby. “You haven’t been happy in a long time. I know that. You know that. If they make you happy then… I say go for it.”

And that shocks the hell out of Colby, because he’s been expecting a fight, demands that he stay, accusatory statements that he was abandoning his friends. Not this acceptance. Even Devyn looked surprised, if that is surprise he saw on her face. “Elton…”

“Just one thing I ask…” Elton says, looking up to meet Colby’s eyes. “You’re going to be the one to tell Sam this. Don’t put that on me.”

And Colby’s heart judders in his chest, because _fuck_ , he does not want to have that conversation with Sam, doesn’t want to know how angry he’ll be, is afraid he’ll take it out on Colby…

“We’ll be there for you,” Kallie promises, and that catches Colby’s attention mid panic, “Right outside the door with guns if we need to.”

“If he’s still alive,” Devyn comments from the corner, and the whole room swivels to look at her. She meets their stares evenly, before looking directly at Elton. “We should tell him what happened, Elton.” 

Colby works his hands together in his lap, looking at Elton again. “What happened, Elton? I told my story. Your turn.”

Elton winces, but starts speaking nonetheless. 

“Aaron and I were out… looking for you, just to see if maybe you were, I dunno, dead in a ditch somewhere,” His tightness in his voice belies the cheap attempt at humor. “The group down the street… found us out. Taunted us about not having seen you around and uh… started shooting, which made no fucking sense because we hadn’t even done anything…” He wraps his arms tighter around his torso. 

“Gunfire brought a bunch of the Z’s on us of course, so that became a problem,” He’s staring into nothing, remembering, “Aaron… Aaron got shot in the leg. I tried… I tried to save him but…” Elton’s voice catches, and he pauses for a moment, collecting himself.

Pain spikes in Colby’s chest. “Fuck...” He murmurs. He hears quiet murmurs of dismay from the people around him.

Elton continues anxiously. “It was too late. He told me to get out and run so… so I did,” Elton doesn’t speak for a moment, his hands working where they grip his forearms. “I got back here and uh… I was fuckin’ scared and had just gotten someone killed and…” He’s shaking, looking like he’s on the brink of completely losing it, “I made a rushed connection, thought that they had gotten you too…”

“Elton…” Colby breathes, because oh fuck this is Elton almost losing his shit.

“Sam... went after you, where we thought you were, I’m sure,” Elton says, and there’s anger and regret in his voice. “He left last night and uh… We haven’t heard from him since.”

Colby blinks a few times, registering what he’s just been told. Reggie voices it for him, “Well shit…”

“So… we don’t know where he is?” Colby asks, still reeling from everything that’s been thrown at him.

Elton seems to be rallying himself. “Nope,” He says, “He’s just… gone.” He looks so old all of the sudden, much older than the twenty-seven he is. “So… if you have any love left for Sam… or like… just in honor of what you guys had… I’d ask that you stick around to tell him yourself you’re leaving or…” He sighs. “Or I don’t know, help us launch a rescue mission or something. If _they’ve_ got him _…_ if he’s still alive…. We’re gonna need help getting his stupid ass back. He’s a dumb ass but… he doesn’t deserve to die.”

“You don’t owe Sam anything, Cole,” Kallie speaks up again, breaking through Colby’s tumultuous thoughts. “He forfeited that when he treated you like he did.” Colby expects Elton to snap at Kallie, but instead, Elton just looks tired. 

“Yeah, that’s true, but…” Elton swallows, pausing for a long, long moment, “Then I’d ask that you do it as uh… as a dying wish for me.”

And that makes no damn sense, and Colby looks at Elton like he just sprouted five heads. “What?”

Elton pauses another long moment, then he lifts the hem of his jeans so that everyone can see the angry, red bite mark embedded into Elton’s calf.

“Elton, no…” Colby breathes, and he sees Devyn start as well, a hand coming up to cover her mouth, and knows she had no idea.

”Oh shit...” Bubba mutters. 

“Got it trying to save Aaron,” Elton says with a forced grin, and the false joviality makes Colby want to cry, “So like… I don’t know, do whatever you want, I just…” He sighs, and Colby hears the sob that wants to break loose. “I’m sorry,” He says, and he walks quickly from the room. 

Colby almost follows him, but he’s lived with the guy long enough to know when Elton wants to be left alone.

This is one of those times.

There’s a stunned silence in the room for a few moments as the people assembled look at each other in shock at what they had just witnessed. Finally, Devyn breaks the silence.

“Would anyone like some tea?”

They all wander into the kitchen in some mild form of shock. Colby’s new friends are looking at each other like they’re overwhelmed by what they’ve gotten themselves into and Colby immediately feels guilty again for dragging other people into his crap.

“Guys, I’m...”

Nadia puts a hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring look. “You’re okay, Cole,” She says softly, and Bubba and Reggie nod at him. Colby grits his teeth, but nods his thanks. He doesn’t deserve these people.

Kallie takes one look at the way Devyn is planning on making tea and shakes her head. ”Oh no, baby girl, if we’re doin’ tea, we’re doin’ tea. Do you have a pot?” 

Devyn startles a little, but then nods, reaching into a cabinet that no one in the house has touched in months. “Hey, Reggie, you got your lighter?” Reggie nods, tossing a zippo lighter at Kallie. She catches it out of the air and grins at Devyn. “Alright, baby girl, lets get us some tea.” And she starts walking out to the backyard. Devyn blinks a few times, looking mostly shocked, and the look in her eyes is asking Colby if she’s safe to go with Kallie. Colby nods, and Nadia smiles.

”I think she likes you,” Nadia comments, laughing a little bit, and Colby smiles faintly. Devyn casts a doubtful look at Colby, but nonetheless follows Kallie outside, Nadia trailing after them. Bubba and Reggie had some sort of conversation behind him, and when Colby turns to look at them they’re already heading back out to the truck.

It leaves Colby unexpectedly alone in the kitchen.

He shifts back and forth on his feet, considering what to do with himself. He hadn’t expected Sam to be gone, for them to stay at the trap house for any amount of time. He had expected maybe a fight, maybe angry silence, but not... this lack of resolution.

This darkness that overtakes the house.

And then he sighs, because he knows exactly what he needs to do.

He needs to talk to Elton.

He knows Elton retreated upstairs to his room, so Colby gathers himself. Fuck... poor Elton. Aaron’s dead, Elton’s been bit, which Colby’s sure Elton sees as a fate worse than death... He groans, but pushes himself to walk up the stairs towards Elton’s room.

The hallway feels longer and darker than it used to, the shadows of the house feeling like they’re reaching for his feet and clawing at them, ready to drag him down to some unknown hell. The joke’s on them though... Colby’s already there. He walks carefully, slowly, like something might jump out at him if he moves too quickly. But there are no unknown monsters, just Elton’s room and it’s ominous door. The door’s not even fully closed when Colby comes up to it, but either way he knocks, saying quietly, “Elton? Can I come in?”

He almost thinks he’s not going to get an answer for a moment, but then Elton speaks, ”Sure...” The lackluster reply comes.

Colby takes a grounding breath, his heart racing in his chest, before pushing the door the rest of the way open. He’s met with a heartbreaking sight. Elton’s leaning against the bed frame, not even having made it up to the mattress before collapsing to the floor. He blinks up at Colby blankly, and Colby hates the empty, broken look on his face.

This is Elton. This is the strong, older brother Colby’s looked up to, first as a fellow viner and then as a close friend, one of the few guys that Colby trusted would always have his back. And now he’s here, exhausted and beaten, doomed to slowly deteriorate until he was no better than the monsters they hid from in here.

”Yo,” Elton says quietly.

Colby’s here but now that he is he has absolutely no idea what to say. What the fuck does he even say to Elton now? “Hey,” He says quietly, pushing the door to behind him. He sits on the floor across from Elton, wrapping his arms around his legs.

Elton presses his lips together, and the last thing Colby expected to hear comes from his lips, “I’m so sorry, Colby.”

Colby blinks at Elton for a few seconds. “What?”

Elton shrugs emptily. “I was uh... I was supposed to keep you guys safe...” He says, “All of you. That was... that was my job, when we all moved in together. To keep you guys safe.”

”Elton... no,” Colby says, as he immediately realizes what’s happening. What Elton thinks. “You can’t... you can’t blame yourself for any of this.”

”I should have... I should have been better with Sam. If I had handled that better, if I hadn’t yelled at him, maybe... maybe...” Elton shakes his head, “Fuck... I was so fucking stupid...”

”You yelled at him?” Colby asks, surprised but also not. Elton had kept calm for such a long time. It made sense that he’d finally snap at some point.

Elton scoffs. “Finally called him out for being such a fucking asshole to you. He just... you were gone, and we were all worried, and then finally he shows up and _he’s_ worried about you after almost raping you...” He sighs, “I just... I just lost it. And that was fucking stupid.”

Colby cringes, loathe to think of anything that he and Sam had done as... as rape... “I never said no,” Colby reminds Elton quietly, because it’s true. Up until two days ago... he’d never told Sam to stop.

”Because you felt like you couldn’t say no,” Elton corrects. “Don’t tell me all of that was 100% consensual.”

”Elton...” Colby tries to protest.

”Don’t lie to me, Colby...” Elton says tightly and Colby sighs.

“Elton, dude...” Colby murmurs, because all of this really isn’t important anymore, not when Elton’s been bitten... “None of this... it’s not your fault Elton...”

Elton shrugs glumly again, but doesn’t say anything else. Colby knows that Elton doesn't believe him, and that hurts Colby somewhere deep in his chest. Elton shouldn’t blame himself for any of this. Colby... Colby is responsible for his own stupid shit and it’s consequences.

”Elton...” Colby starts, a question he’s been wanting to know the answer to pressing at his mind, “How did you know... the other morning when... when I left...” He swallows. “How did you know how close to the edge I was?” And it’s the first time _he’s_ brought it up, the first time he’s acknowledged where his brain really was that day, where it had been for several months at that point.

Elton chuckles, and it’s a wet, twisted sound. “You and I... I’ve told you you remind me a lot of me at your age, right?” Colby nods, because he has. “Except... except you were always so much happier than I was... I never knew if it was because of Sam or like your life outlook but...” He shrugs again. “When I was your age, right about as old as you are now...” His voice is matter of fact, not sad like Colby thought it might be. “I hit a wall. Because I uh... I hit the point where I didn’t know why I was even alive.”

Colby nods, because he knows exactly what Elton is talking about. It’s where he’s been for so many months now. 

Elton sighs, leaning his head back onto the mattress. “And you’d always been so much like me but so much _better_ than me at your age, so when I started to see you hit the same wall...” He paused, looking into space, before he looked at Colby. “You know I tried to kill myself when I was twenty-two, right? Right before I got into Vine?”

Colby swallows. “I uh... I don’t think you ever told me directly but... I think I knew that.” There had been a few off comments over the years, little things that just made Colby wonder if he hadn’t been in that place at one point, but nothing concrete. He’d suspected it, but it had never been confirmed.

Until now.

Elton nods. “Yeah, that uh... that happened. That’s what really spurred all the stupid shit I used to do for vine because... because it was the most alive I’d felt in... years.” Colby nods, because he can related, knows exactly what Elton means, because he’s felt that way the past few months.

Since they had lot Kat and he had lost Sam.

Since the only time he doesn’t feel like a walking corpse is when he’s outside, or with Sam’s dick balls deep in his ass.

Well... and now with his new friends.

”You’ve been there...” Elton says softly, “I recognized it from looking at myself in the mirror for two years.” He shakes his head, hanging it low, “We... we lost Kat, then we lost Corey, and Devyn and Sam have been as good as dead for months and now that Aaron’s gone...” His voice breaks. “Fuck, man, if at least one of us gets a happy ending... I’m okay with that.” Colby can just barely see his eyes, see the tears that have finally broken lose from his eyes.

”He may still come back,” Colby says quietly, hoping for it to be true, knowing that it might not, not having to say that he’s talking about Sam.

Elton shakes his head, “If he were gonna come back he would have by now,” He says wryly. “We’re uh... we’re probably gonna just have to go get him back. And then...” He looks at Colby, “Then you three; you, Sam, and Devyn... you have to get out of here. I shouldn’t have let us stay here this long.” He looks around his room with contempt, “We’ve not been okay to be here for a while and I should have _fucking_ seen it...”

”Elton, you can’t blame yourself for this shit,” Colby interrupts, simultaneously frustrated and heartbroken for Elton. “We’re adults too. We could have said something, we were all...”

”But I’m the oldest,” Elton protests tightly, “I’m the ‘Uncle’... besides,” He shrugs, “Better for you guys to blame a dead man than to blame yourselves.” 

“Elton...” Colby murmurs, because he want to protest, but... he doesn’t know what to say. “I don’t blame you for any of this.”

Elton sighs, pressing his hands into his face. “Thanks, Colby,” He says. “I’m uh... I’m gonna spend some time thinking, okay? Coming up with a plan. You wanna head downstairs and keep an eye out for Sam?”

Colby nods slowly, recognizing a dismissal when he hears one. But then Colby pauses for a moment as a thought occurs to him, worry gripping at his chest. “You’re not planning on...”

But Elton’s anticipated it. “I’m not going to kill myself,” He says, and there’s some sort of something in his tone that Colby cant quite put a finger on, “But uh... I will ask one of you to take me out before you leave, okay? I don’t... I don’t want to turn into one of those _thing_ s _..._ ” There’s bitterness in his voice.

Colby swallows hard at the lump in his throat. “Okay...” He says. Because he can at least do that for Elton.

There’s not really anything else he _can_ do.

Elton waves him off, and Colby forces himself to get up and leave the room, and leave Elton alone to his thoughts. Fuck... They’ve lost Aaron... and he’s going to lose Elton... 

He just hopes Sam’s okay...

OOO

Sam is most definitely not okay. 

He’s choking, coughing up the water that’s been inhaled into his very unwilling lungs. He barely gets a second to try to get any oxygen to his screaming lungs before his head is shoved back underwater again. He feels the fire iron press against his ribs again and he struggles not to scream and let out all of his oxygen until he has no choice but to gasp back in the water just to try to process the agony...

He’s not sure how long they’ve been at this. Too long, it feels like. It could have been twenty minutes, it could have been an hour. He has no way to know, and with the way he’s bound, stripped naked with barbed wire wrapped around and ripping into his skin, he has no way to fight back.

So he’s forced to remain where he is, being drowned in a water bucket in a shower, burned all over with a fire poker heated by blowtorch, struggling not to inhale water as everything in him begs him to scream for relief, mercy...

His head is pulled up again, choking and gasping on air that feels simultaneously too thin and too thick for lungs that have been breathing in water. “Please, please...” he can hear how pathetic he sounds, tears mingling with the water that drips down his face, but he just wants everything to stop. Fuck, he hurts, his back is on fucking fire, his legs are on fire, his lungs are on fire, it’s a god damn miracle that flames haven’t engulfed his whole body at this point because that’s honestly what it feels like...

“You could stop this,” The voice in his ear reminds him, and he knows it belongs to the man with the overgrown mustache. “You know what we want to know.” 

And Sam almost cries, because he does. He does know what they want. They want to know where Colby is, how many of Sam’s house are left, what their defenses look like, if that pretty girl they’ve spotted is still there, what she would do to keep her friends safe...

The malicious chuckles that had come from the group around him... it had made Sam sick to his stomach.

“Fuck... fuck you...” Sam gasps, because these people won’t hurt his friends, won’t fucking _touch_ Devyn, because if there’s anyone he’s going to protect it’s her...

”It’s a pity you can’t _see_ our point...” The man muses, and Sam really, really, doesn’t like the emphasis he puts on that word. The knife is pressed against his throat again, and Sam meets the man’s angry, crazy eyes. He hears an increase in volume from the chuckles of the men around him.

They’re all men. Sam hadn’t seen a single woman among them, but he’d heard what had been said when Sam was asked about Devyn the first time. _The fucking monsters..._ It makes him even more sure that these guys will not lay a hand on Devyn. Or Colby, if he comes back. Sam knows what the marks on his body look like. Worries that these men will take one look at Colby and...

Treat him the same way.

That’s something only Sam is allowed to do.

Something that... he should really try to talk to Colby about if... if he ever sees him again...

Someone comes up behind Sam and wraps their hands into his hair, yanking his head back and straining his neck to the point of pain. The people around him have started chuckling again, malicious looks in their faces. _Uh oh..._ Sam pulls against the wire restraints, feeling like he really, really needs to get away because something very, very bad is about to happen.

But the wire holds him tight, and the hands in his hair don’t let him turn away as the main guy who’s been torturing him gets in his face. He strokes Sam’s cheek softly, and Sam tries to glare at him even though everything fucking hurts. “You’ve got such a nice face...” The man muses. There’s bits of dried blood in his beard. “Must have been very popular with the ladies in your day.”

The ugly faces surrounding him laugh. Sam glares at him, but worry is starting to eat a hole in his stomach. They’ve got something planned.

And then the man full on slaps him across the face. Stars burst in front of his eyes and Sam yells in shock. Holy shit, what the fuck? “I gave you a compliment,” The man snaps, but he’s still grinning that same sadistic grin, “What do you say when someone compliments you?” 

There’s blood in his mouth. Sam can taste the strong tang of iron against his tongue. He wants to shake his head, but the hands in his hair hold him immobile. “Fuck... fuck you,” He spits instead, and he can feel the blood dripping down his mouth.

And then he’s yelling out again as the hot poker is pressed against his perineum and burning everything on the way in. Sam shrieks, convulsing against the wire holding him and feeling the barbs rip into his skin. “Fuck, fuck...” He yelps, eyes squeezing closed to try to just fucking process the pain...

And something is poured on his back, he’s not sure what, but the burns across his back and thighs light up with new agony and he’s crying, gasping, wishing he could just pass the fuck out...

And then his head is shoved into the ice cold water again and Sam sucks in water before he’s able to register that he can’t do that. His lungs immediately rebel. They try to hack the water back up but there’s no air in his lungs to hack it out, its all water and he’s drowning, he’s actually fucking drowning this time and fuck, this is how he’s going to go...

And then there’s air again. There’s air again and Sam can’t even properly enjoy it because he’s too busy just trying to free up space in his lungs for it, hacking up water desperately...

”What do you say?” A voice growls in his ear again and it takes Sam a moment to even remember what they were talking about.

Sam has control of his head again and he shakes it, because he can’t find words right now even if he were going to say what they wanted him to. There’s still too much water in his lungs...

Someone slaps him again and Sam wants to yell in frustration. He can’t begin to do what they want him to do if they keep interrupting him mid regroup. He finally gets his eyes open and glares through tear filled eyes at the man with the mutton chops. 

“You’re not going to do what we tell you, hmm?” He asks, and has the balls to sound disappointed. 

Sam shakes his head, not trusting his voice when he’s still fighting just to get enough oxygen to not pass out.

The man clicks his tongue and sighs. “Ya know, we were going to be nice to you if you just worked with us...”

”This is nice?” Sam croaks, finally finding his voice.

Someone kicks him hard in the groin and Sam cries out in pain, his body trying to fold in on itself but held immobile by wire and hands that grip him tightly... God... he fucking hurts so bad...

The man shrugs, “We’ll just have to go with Plan B,” He says, and there’s a new, sadistic smile on his face. “That’s fine. I’ve always wanted to try Plan B.”

And that’s bad. Sam knows that as sure as the sky is blue. “What’s Plan B?” He asks with dread.

”Someone hold his head,” Mutton Chops says, reaching into his belt and pulling out a terrifying looking knife. 

Hands fist in his hair again, holding his head immobile as another wraps around his throat and jaw. “No no no, stop, stop, please,” Sam begs, because he knows that this is bad, not exactly what it will be but that it is very, very bad.

”You want to tell us what we want to know?” Mutton Chops asks.

But he can’t. He can’t tell them what they want to know because he won’t fuck over his friends. So he just glares at the man even as his heart slams in his chest. Mutton Chops clicks his tongue, but shrugs. “Alright, fun way then.” And Sam tries, he tries to fight even as everything on his body screams in agony, but it’s all in vain.

Because then there’s blinding pain coming from where the knife is digging into his face.

Sam isn’t able to hold back his scream this time. He feels pain from all over his body as his muscles spasm and cause his limbs to strain against the barbs that rip into his skin, the burning and ripping as the burns all over his body scream their protest at his movement, but it’s all eclipsed by the white hot, excruciating agony that digs into his eye socket.

He’s screaming something non-sensical, probably desperate pleas, or just nonsense noise as his brain is fighting to get a handle on pain like nothing he’s ever experienced. He can feel as the blade of the knife cuts through the delicate tissue around his left eye, scraping against the bone of his skull. It wiggles its way into his eye socket in the most violating stimulus he’s ever felt.

The blade is cutting, ripping, and he can almost feel something snapping, being cut and sliced and his vision is red, blood running freely from his face...

And then the vision on the left side of his face goes dark.

Sam knows what’s happened. Even in the delayed shock of the moment he knows what’s been done to him, what he’ll see if he’s able to get his remaining eye open, clear the blood from his vision...

They’ve cut out his eye...

His body is screaming at him, adrenaline and cortisol and every chemical his body can release are pumping through his veins as his body tries desperately to try to figure out what the fuck was just done to it, and Sam’s almost grateful for the hands still in his hair, because he knows that without that firm hold he’d already be on the ground as the shock starts to set in in earnest.

And then he’s let go, and his body just drops like a wet towel. He shrieks as the barbed wire digs deeper into his skin and the burns on his body contact the floor but there’s nothing he can do about it, and it’s really only a minor annoyance when compared to his face...

”Fuck, you’re bleeding a lot,” The voice sounds almost annoyed, and Sam would respond with something sarcastic if he could get anything past the throbbing, shrieking new hole in his face and the pathetic whimpers that are the only thing that’s getting out of his mouth. Something is pressed to his face and Sam screams again as the pressure awakens the pain anew. The fabric blacks out his remaining field of view, but he’s not sure if he could see anything anyway with the way pain is whiting out his vision.

He’s getting woozy, and the world is starting to fade in at the edges as his body starts to shut down and ragequit on the whole experience. The last thing Sam hears is a quiet conversation where he’s pretty sure something about his friends is mentioned, but the pain and shock and blood loss knock him out before he can really understand what’s going to happen...

OOO

Elton doesn’t come out of his room for the rest of the day. Colby doesn't blame him. He's not sure he'd come out either if their positions were reversed.

He spends the time worrying about Sam, mostly. Because yeah, he was ready to leave Sam, but he thought that would entail leaving him with Elton and Devyn and Aaron. Now... It would mean just leaving him with Devyn, and a slowly deteriorating Elton, which just sat wrong with him. 

They wouldn't... Fuck, Colby isn't sure they would survive on their own.

Or if they did survive... if that life would be anything worth living...

Bubba's the one to find him and bring it up.

"I didn't realize all your friends were so young," He says quietly. He and Colby are sitting on the couch, watching Devyn interact with the other girls. Kallie and Nadia had really taken a shining to Devyn, and Devyn... well that was the closest Colby'd seen to a smile from her in a long time. "How old is your Sam?"

"Twenty-one," Colby answers quietly, "Same age as me." 

Bubba whistles in shock. "Shit... and we used to give Nadia shit for bein' the baby."

"How old is she?"

"Twenty-six," Bubba says, "Kallie's twenty-nine, I'm thirty-six and Reggie's thirty-eight."

"Shit..." Colby murmurs. He hadn't realized how much of an age gap there was between them all. He'd grown up quick with the whole end of the world thing.

Bubba is quiet for a few moments, before he says, "You're thinkin' you can't leave them like this, aren't you?" 

Colby just nods, not surprised that Bubba’s picked up on his thoughts. The man seems more perceptive than anyone gives him credit for. "When it was four of them, then they'd probably be fine, but with just Sam and Devyn... if Sam comes back..." He shakes his head. "Elton will help them for as long as he can but... he's got what? Maybe two weeks before he starts to get bad?"

Bubba nods in agreement. "Somethin' like that..."

Colby runs a hand through his hair. "Devyn... God, she's like my little sister..."

"You probably wouldn't have to fight hard to convince us to have her along," Bubba says, shrugging. "I think Kallie's already just about adopted her." A smile tugs at Colby's lips, because that's true. He doesn't know Kallie super well, but the southern girl really does seem to like Devyn. The three girls haven’t separated all afternoon. Colby’s sure it’s nice for Devyn just to have some other female company. She’s been the only girl in the house since Kat died. "Sam, on the other hand..."

The momentary lightness in his heart drops again as he thinks about Sam. Sam, who Colby's spent the last few days essentially trash talking to his new friends, who already probably hate him... but who Colby could never leave alone. "He..." Colby sighs. "I couldn't leave him alone."

"I know," Bubba says quietly, only mildly surprising Colby with his assertion. "But that's gonna be a hard sell to Reggie and Kallie."

There’s something heavy in Colby’s gut again. "Fuck, I know..." Colby muttered, pulling his knees into his chest. "I just... I couldn't just leave him alone. He'll die and like... he's fucked up with me, I know that now but..." He stares at the girls without really seeing them. "But he doesn't deserve to die." 

"Not many folk do," Bubba says, but he leaves it at that.

"Sam was... he was my best friend," Colby says softly, "The person he was before... before he lost his girlfriend... you guys would have loved him. Losing her just... fucked him up."

"Explanation, not an excuse," Bubba says firmly, and Colby looks at the man. There are mixed emotions on his face; regret, sadness, understanding, worry... "It'll be somethin' we bring up if... if you get him back..."

"When I get him back," Colby corrects tightly. Because as much as Sam's fucked him up and over, Colby has to know what became of him and try to save him if he can. 

That would be a loose end Colby never forgave himself for.

And Bubba might be going to reply, but that's when Reggie comes in the front door with a hollared, "Hey y'all? I think y'all got a package..."

"What the fuck..." Colby mutters aloud, because how the fuck do they have a package?

Amazon stopped like six months ago.

Colby gets up and walks into the foyer, followed closely by Bubba. The girls seem to have noticed that something is going on, and they also wander over to the rest of the group. Even Elton seems to have heard the announcement, as Colby sees his tired and drawn face peak over the railing. 

Reggie holds it out to Colby. "It's addressed to 'Our Lovely Neighbors'..." And right away Colby's stomach is twisted up in knots, as the anxiety makes him faintly nauseous. Because there's no way that this is good.

The box is small, maybe nine inches long and five inches across. It's sealed with duct tape, and Colby pulls out the knife he keeps on his belt to slice it open.

And then he almost drops it.

Because what the actual fuck? 

Because among wraps of barbed wire that are stained red with what's probably blood, is a small plastic bag. And what's staring at him from inside the plastic bag makes his heartbeat slam in his ears and nausea roil in his stomach as fury and terror shoot through him. 

It's an eyeball. One with a bright blue iris. And he knows that eye. Would know it anywhere.

It's Sam's. 

And then Colby really does throw up. 

He feels really awful for making a mess in the foyer, but he thinks its understandable given the contents of the box and what they mean. Kallie takes the box from him, and he hears her swear vehemently at the contents. Reggie's the one who finally narrates what's in the box for everyone else assembled. 

Colby misses most of the initial reactions, but he hears various sounds of shock and horror. He's too busy bent over, his stomach trying to find something else to retch up, but it's all stomach acid at this point. He didn't have much in there to begin with and now it's all gone. 

There are tears dripping from his eyes, whether from emotion or the violence of his vomiting he's not sure, but he knows he has to blink back tears to look up when there's a hand on his shoulder. 

It's Elton, and he's looking at Colby with something fierce in his eyes.

"We'll get him back," Elton promises quietly. "I promise Colby, we'll get him back if it's the last thing I do."

And Colby really, really doesn't like the sound of that.

"There's a note." Everyone looks and Nadia's holding a small piece of paper. There are bloodstains on it, probably from the barbed wire, and as Nadia shows it to Colby, Colby feels his chest ice over...

_Noon. Tomorrow at the neighbors. All of you. Or he's dead._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit... that was a monster of a chapter.
> 
> So I had to do some math about when this is happening because I mentioned ages, so... its about March of 2018 in this story? Because the apocalypse had to have started while Elton still lived there for this story to work so I can push it to the outbreak happening in September-ish of 2017? And it's been about six months since so... March of 2018 it is, so that makes these characters a lot younger than I originally was picturing and screws up the whole Colby and his tattoos thing... Whoops lol
> 
> Have I mentioned how much I love working with Elton’s character? Because I love it. Got to take a much darker take on him for this piece and I feel bad because I love him but also... it had to happen.
> 
> That torture scene was intense as shit to write. First time I’ve written something that graphic in a long time. Is it bad that I'm still more comfortable writing graphic torture than graphic sex? God dammit American sensibilities...
> 
> Hope everyone’s enjoying this piece. The darkness is so much fun to write...
> 
> As always, let me know what you thought, and I’ll see you in the next one!


	5. Chapter 5

The shock of seeing Sam's eyeball in a box doesn't wear off for a few hours. It doesn’t fully wear off until the sun has gone down and Colby’s standing in Sam’s room for the third time in six months. He's not sure why he's here. In theory, this place should bring him pain, distress but... it's instead strangely comforting. If Colby can ignore the memories from two days ago, the fight that really started this whole thing... it's almost comforting to be here.

Of course, it helps that there's a marked difference between the room from two days ago to now. Sam must have cleaned, because the room no longer looks like the disaster zone it had been. It almost reminds him of being here... before. Before everything ended. Before he and Sam's relationship got so complicated. Back when they would just spend hours here, talking about their channel, their lives, their future... Be both bent over Sam's computer, editing clips for their duo channel and just... being happy.

Colby glances at the wall, where he sees the picture of Kat and Sam together still hanging there. It hurts his chest, to see them like that, both so alive and happy. Fuck... he almost wishes he hadn't seen Kat in her last days, seen her when the infection had fully taken hold. She had almost become like a sister to him, and to see her eyes roll at him, wide but unseeing... not recognizing him...

Fuck... that had hurt.

But he knew it had hurt Sam more. Because it was first time Sam had ever thrown him out of his room.

It had _broken_ Sam.

And when he had turned to Colby, had reached out to him like a drowning man clawing for salvation... how could Colby have said no? 

But it hadn't been healthy. And even if it had started mostly consensual... that had changed too.

Colby didn't like to think about that part. Hated to think that it had been anything but wanted and needed by both of them but... Elton had seen it before Colby, of course he had. 

Because Sam had turned something about both of them coping into something he _took_ from Colby. And Colby had thought he deserved it.

That was... that had been when it got bad.

If- when, Colby harshly corrects himself, they got Sam back... he'd talk to Sam about that. Because no matter what ended up happening, whether it was Sam joining him, Devyn and his new friends or...

Colby hated to think about leaving Devyn and Sam. But he’s slowly realizing that it’s something that he’ll have to consider for his own mental well being in the interest of being completely selfish.

But this, this thing with Sam, what they'd been doing... Couldn't continue.

He wouldn't do it.

Because he shouldn’t have to tolerate getting fucked in the ass to maintain a friendship.

He shifts and something catches his gaze. It’s another photo, laying on the floor just under the bed. _What the hell...?_

And then Colby goes to pick it up and his heart skips a few beats as something in his chest just fucking hurts. Because Colby knows this photo. Can remember exactly when it was taken, a few days after he and Sam had moved to LA. It’s both of them, grinning at the camera and just so, so excited to start their new lives here.

Colby swallows down emotions, looking at the photo. God, they look so young and hopeful. There’s no months of stress on their faces, no real fear of death.

They both thought they were immortal in that photo. Their social media career had just kicked off and they were so excited.

_They were going to change people. Change the world._

Colby doesn’t realize that tears are escaping his eyes until he feels one of them drip onto his hand.

”Fuck, Sam...” He murmurs to himself, “I miss you, bro.” Because even though he just saw Sam two days ago, it hadn’t really been Sam. It hadn’t been Sam in a long time.

He doesn’t even realize how long he stares at the photo until he hears an unexpected voice behind him. “Cole?”

”Fuck!” Colby starts and turns quickly to find Nadia behind him. “God, you scared me.”

”Sorry,” Nadia says, wincing. “We’ve been uh... looking for you.” And Colby’s going to ask ‘who’s “we”?’ But when he sees Kallie popping her head into the room as well his question is answered. 

_Fuck_... Colby’s been dreading this conversation too, but it appears to have found him. “What’s up?” He asks casually, but he can tell by the look Nadia gives him that he’s betrayed his own anxiety. 

“We should uh... talk about... things...” Kallie says awkwardly, “Cause uh... obviously this ain’t goin’ accordin’ to plan.” 

Colby nods, because he knows they’re right. “Okay...” He says quietly. “You guys want to chat in my room?” Nadia just nods solemnly. Colby takes a deep breath, subconsciously pocketing the photo of him and Sam. 

Nadia and Kallie back out of Sam’s room in front of him, and when he steps outside into the adjoining hallway between their two rooms, he sees Bubba and Reggie waiting for him. “This way,” He motions with his head and leads the group into his room.

OOO

When Sam comes to again everything hurts. His face is burning, aching, throbbing, and screaming at him. His arms won’t move, and when he tries to moving something his whole body lights up in fiery, ripping pain. He shouts, curling in on himself and trying to open his eyes to see something, anything, try to get a grasp of what the fuck is going on but...

Something is wrong. His eyes won’t open, and that makes everything immediately worse, because being blind and unable to see is one of his greatest fears, because he can tolerate it when it’s for the camera and he can pull the blindfold off at any moment, the minute he starts to freak out, but right now his arms won’t move, and everything hurts really, really, really badly and he can’t fucking see...

His first instinct is to panic, and so that’s what he does, calling out for the first person that Sam always called for in times of crisis. 

“Colby? Colby!” And his voice is weak, croaking out of a throat that feels raw and vocal cords that feel like they’ve had a cheese grater run over them. But what... what the fuck happened to him... 

“Hey, shut the fuck up!” A voice snaps and that’s what brings it all back.

Getting caught, bound, tortured...

”Oh fuck...” He whispers. “Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck...”

His fucking eye. They cut out his fucking eye. 

Did they take both of them? Was that why he couldn’t see? Had he missed that after he passed out? And now Sam’s really starting to panic, because oh fuck, he can’t be blind, he can’t be, how the fuck is he supposed to survive in this world if he can’t see and...

”Fuck!” He’s shocked out of his panicked spiral by a hard boot to his stomach. He curls in on himself, remembering that he’s still naked, and that there’s someone here in the room with him (wherever the fuck he is) and they can really do whatever they want to him because there’s no way for him to stop them...

”Did you hear what I said, you little shit?” The voice asks, and Sam shakes his head, trying to get into some semblance of a dignified position but he’s bound tight head to toe in barbed wire still and movement is incredibly painful on the existing burns all over his body. He doesn’t need to add to it by digging the wire in further.

”I said,” The voice repeats, “Who the fuck is Colby?”

”Fuck off,” Sam groans, because he’s not going to rat out Colby.

”Is that your boyfriend?” The voice asks, and there’s fingers grabbing into his hair and Sam shouts as the movement moves the congealed blood that’s coagulated around his face and causes his eye socket to erupt into screaming agony. 

“Fuck, fuck you,” Sam gasps, his body straining against its restraints out of desperation.

But of course, nothing gives.

”Betcha he likes taking it up the ass, doesn’t he?” The voice taunts, “When we get all your friends here tomorrow, maybe I’ll take a turn with him. The girl’s going to be spoken for and you know... a man has needs.”

Whte hot rage fills Sam. “Don’t fucking touch him,” He snarls, “I swear to God, if you fucking touch him...”

There’s a chuckle from the man holding him by the hair. “Jealous?” The man teases, “Well, tomorrow’s a long way away, and we have some time tonight.” The man grabs a fistful of Sam’s ass and Sam freezes as his whole body seizes up.

 _No_...

”Don’t... get away from me,” Sam snarls, convulsing against his restraints even as his body screams in pain. “Don’t you dare fucking...” 

And then there’s a hand over his mouth, and it’s a big hand that covers his nose too, and all of the sudden Sam can’t breathe... He seizes again, absolutely terrified, as his body is manhandled so that he’s face down on what feels like a tile floor. The barbs from the wire wrapped around his chest dig into his skin but most of the pain is drowned out by the fear of what’s going to be done to him

_and the fact that he can’t fucking breathe..._

_Shit, he’s going to pass out..._

He’s trying to communicate the fact that if this man doesn’t lift his hand Sam’s legitimately going to pass out, but the guy’s not paying attention to him, and any sound that Sam is making is being mistaken for generic noises of struggle. His lungs are burning, his heart is racing as his body just fucking _begs_ to be let to breathe...

And then the hand has been lifted and Sam sucks in a desperate breath, feeling the world slowly come back into focus. And when it does, he realizes something alarming.

There’s someone on top of him, a beer belly pressing into his back and a hand gripping into his hips. He hears the jingling of a belt and realizes what the man has in mind. He jolts with terror, but in his immobilized state there’s nothing he can do to stop... to stop...

”It’s a pity they had to cut your face up,” The voice muses, stroking his face and Sam cringes away the best that he can. “I like looking at a pretty face when I’m fucking someone...”

”Fuck, stop, stop, please,” Sam whispers, because he really, really, really doesn’t want this but the man is undoing his pants and Sam feels something hot and hard against his ass. “Fuck, please, please, please...” 

“Hey Jax!” Another voice comes from another corner of the room and both Sam and the man on top of him freeze. “Oh Jesus Christ, Jax, don’t be getting all rapey on the prisoner.”

”Oh fuck you, Eric,” The voice on top of Sam groans, “We were just having some fun...”

”I don’t think people are supposed to cry during sex Jax, unless that’s why your wife left you,” The other voice continues, and Sam can him moving towards them. “Put your dick away and take your shift on border patrol.”

”You’re no fucking fun.” But still the man, Jax, still climbs off Sam obligingly. Sam feels relief crash through him, and he’s almost glad for the fabric wrapped around his eyes... eye... because it soaks up the tears that he can feel welling there. Oh thank God...

He hears one set of footsteps leave the room, and Sam shifts a little bit, not having much pride left but still wanting to shift from his previous ass up position. “Uh... thank you...” Sam whispers, feeling like he should thank the newcomer for not allowing _that_ to happen.

”You’re fuckin’ helpless,” The voice says. “It isn’t right.”

Fuck, like Sam needs any reminder how helpless he is right now. “Still, you uh... you didn’t have to do that,” Sam says, “So uh... thank you.”

”You’re welcome,” The voice says, but says nothing else.

Which is probably for the better really. Sam takes a deep breath, focusing on his breathing. He’s never been one for small talk, and besides...

He has a lot more painful things to focus on controlling. 

OOO

The expression on Kallie’s face when Colby finally sits down with them makes him nervous. It’s tight, and she and Reggie keep sharing looks. Colby can feel his heart beating hard in his chest, and he figures, well... this is it. This is them telling him that they can’t help him with this and that he’s on his own.

“Cole...” Reggie starts, and Colby really doesn’t like the tone of his voice. “We uh...”

”You guys don’t have to stay,” Colby says quietly. “I promise, I uh... I get it. This is... this is way more than you signed up for. You guys... you guys don't have to help us, at all, but like... I can't leave him with them.”

”We ain’t leavin’,” Bubba cuts in, crossing his arms.

And Colby has a whole speech prepared, but with Bubba’s statement he’s officially caught off guard. “What?”

His new friends glance at each other as none of them speak. Finally, Reggie seems to take it upon himself to say something. “That... what we just saw... what they did to your friend...” Reggie says haltingly. “That ain’t right.” 

“Yeah, but... this isn’t your fight,” Colby insists, working his hands anxiously in his lap. “You guys have a road trip to get to and we... we’ll figure it out. This isn’t your fight.”

”It isn’t,” Nadia agrees, and she looks at Kallie, “But y’all need us.”

Kallie nods at her girlfriend before looking at Colby. ”We’re going to help,” Kallie says, shocking the hell out of Colby.

”I... why?” Colby’s completely baffled. He’s been fully expecting them to tell him that this wasn’t their fight, that they weren’t going to stick around to help Sam and Colby and their friends. Especially after everything that Colby had told them about Sam.

”Because y’all are just kids,” Kallie says quietly, and there’s pain in her eyes. “Sam... I still have reservations about, but...”

”He’s a twenty-one year old kid,” Reggie says, and Colby can tell that this is still a point of mild contention between them. “It don’t excuse what he’s done, but it explains a hell of a lot.”

”And you can’t leave without him,” Bubba says, resting a hand on Colby’s shoulder. “So we’re not going to let you do it alone because we _are_ getting you out of here, little brother.” 

Colby’s body is tight, because he knows what he has to remind them of. “I won’t leave him here,” He says, knowing that this might be the deal breaker.

Kallie winces, but Nadia nods, speaking. “And that’s why we’ve agreed that he can come with you and Devyn.”

Colby blinks, because suddenly nothing makes sense. “What?”

”If we’re stickin’ around to rescue this kid,” Bubba explains, "Then we’re taking him with us.”

”Ain’t no one fit to be alone after havin’ their damn eyeball cut out,” Reggie says and Nadia looks faintly green. Kallie pulls Nadia against her, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.

Colby can relate. It had taken him a long time to stop feeling nauseous, and that was even after Reggie had pulled the box from him. ”But...” Colby’s still protesting and he’s not sure why. Except... except that he does know why. “I’m... I’m not worth you guys getting hurt...” He finally says, speaking his real belief out loud.

”Cole, honey...” Kallie says softly.

And Nadia moves to kneel in front of him, and she’s gripping his hands with hers. “Cole, you are absolutely worthy of people loving you...” She says quietly. “We’re gonna work on that, okay? Once we’re gone from this place and get you out of here.”

Kallie nods firmly. “Put both you and Sam in couple’s therapy,” She smiles teasingly.

Colby huffs out a noise of amusement, “He’s not my boyfriend,” He says.

Kallie smiles a soft smile. “I know,” She says, “But it’s funny when you get all flustered over it.”

Colby laughs in embarrassment as a pang of nostalgia ricochets through him. “God, if you knew the sheer number of people who were convinced that Sam and I were dating back in the day...”

”You two musta been really close,” Reggie says, and Colby feels tears in his eyes unexpectedly.

”Yeah...” He says, “Yeah, we were...” And the next laugh is bitter, “Funny how we only started fucking after our friendship fell apart...”

”Cole...” Bubba says, and Colby can’t help it when the next laugh comes out as a sob. Nadia wraps arms around him and so does Kallie, and he feels the two larger hands of Bubba and Reggie touching his back as well.

Fuck... he’s so glad that he ran into these people...

OOO

Sam’s left alone in darkness for a long time. Everything hurts, but it’s a constant pain, so unbelievably, as long as he doesn’t move, nothing gets worse, and Sam can start to think through it.

Racing off had been stupid. He knew it then, was reminded even more of it now. Because Colby wasn’t here. Probably had never been. And now he’d left Devyn and Elton alone and they... 

He’s starting to realize that he’s probably not going to be rescued. It would be stupid for Elton and Devyn to try to come and get him. He doesn’t want Devyn anywhere near these people, terrified of what Jax and people like him would do to her. If they had any sense... the two of them would leave him here and get out.

Which honestly terrifies Sam. Because _fuck,_ he doesn’t want to stay with these people either because Eric may have stopped... that... for now, but someone like Eric may not always be there.

And Sam will just have to deal with whatever is done to him.

He’s halfway into the panic attack before he even really registers that it’s happening. His stomach is twisting, his chest is tight, absolutely nothing feels real. It doesn't help that most of his body extremities are numb, blood flow cut off by his position and the wire binding him, while the wraps around his face keep him in darkness. Fuck, he misses Colby, he misses him so much, and while he wouldn’t wish this on anyone he almost wishes that Colby was here with him, if he could have some sort of guarantee that Colby wouldn’t be harmed...

”Whoa, whoa, hey! Breathe, kid, breathe!” He hears Eric’s voice coming from far away, and it’s hard to make out what he’s saying through the blood rushing through his ears, the air he’s ripping in and out of his lungs. And then there are hands on him and Sam starts violently as his brain flashes back to Jax on top of him, not being able to breathe and terrified, absolutely terrified that he was going to...

Fuck, had he ever made Colby feel like that?

“Don’t touch me, don’t fucking touch me, please!” It’s out of his mouth before he can stop it.

”Shit, kid,” The hands fly off of him and he hears a murmur, “Listen, _I’m_ not going to hurt you, okay? My job is just to watch you and keep you alive, okay?”

Sam doesn’t like the emphasis he puts on the pronoun. Because it doesn’t rule out that someone else _won’t_ hurt him. And he can’t see and he can’t move and everything fucking hurts so bad...

”I need to see,” Sam whispers desperately, pleading through his gasps. “Fuck, please, I get that you can’t untie me or let me go but please just... let me see.” He’s not a fan of how desperate he sounds, because he knows he sounds desperate but he can’t... he needs to be able to see...

For a moment, there’s quiet, and Sam’s sure that Eric’s not going to do anything. His heart sinks and he swallows down the sob that wants to escape. _Okay... okay... he’ll just... deal..._

And then he hears movement. He jumps as he feels fingers on his face, fresh throbbing starting up in the wound. “I’m not sure I can move the dressing without your eye bleeding again. Took them a while to get the bleeding to stop.” His voice is quiet when he says, “You wouldn’t stop screaming...”

Sam’s a little surprised by the sympathy in the man’s voice. “I don’t care,” He says quickly, “I just... I need to see. Please?”

The fingers move to pick at the wrappings around his face. “You’ll probably start bleeding again.”

Sam cringes, because he remembers what pressure against the wound in his face felt like. “Fuck... fuck... I just...” He swallows back panic, because Eric is right. He can feel how thick the coagulation of blood on his face is and how much it’s soaked into the bandages wrapped around his head. “Okay...” And he swallows down a sob.

Eric even sounds regretful when he says, “I’m sorry, kid...” But his hands are still picking at the bandages. Sam hisses as one of the strips tightens around his eye socket. “Fuck, sorry...”

”S’fine,” Sam whispers, trying to calm the disappointment that wants to race through his body at the idea that he’s going to have to remain blind. He hates not being able to see, absolutely hates it. 

And then unexpectedly, Eric continues. “I’ll have to hold pressure after I take it off if I do,” Eric says, “Can you tolerate that?”

Hope seeps slowly though him. He nods, because he’ll tolerate anything if he can see.

”Okay, okay, uh...” Eric seems to be thinking. “Give me a moment. I’m going to get some fresh bandages.”

Sam cuts back the sarcastic reply that wants to come from his lips, because he’s tied up pretty fuckin’ immobile and he’s basically blind. Where the fuck is he going to go? But Eric’s the first one who’s been nice to him since this whole nightmare started so he’ll keep his mouth shut.

He hears a door open and close, hears footsteps walking rapidly away and Sam’s left alone again. He lets out a quiet whimper that’s been hiding in his lungs for a few minutes now, feeling as the sound wants to come out on a broken sob. “Fuck, fuck...” He breathes, trying to hold his body still so that it didn’t hurt him. The burns that cover his body throb lightly, not enough that Sam’s immediately worried about them, except for the ones between his legs, the ones that get set off every time he moves. 

But the most concerning thing to Sam and his body right now is obviously the giant hole in his face. It throbs every time he moves, and Sam’s more than a little worried about it.

What if it gets infected? Had the knife been clean? Had... and his heart stops.

Had the knife been used to kill zombies? Was Sam even now infected and he didn’t know?

”Oh fuck...” Sam whispers, “Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck...” Images of Kat crash across his vision, how she had been in the end, and all the days leading up to it, the way she had slowly lost her mind and everything that made her... her... “No, no, no, no, no,” Sam mutters to himself, “I can’t think about that right now. If I think about that I will absolutely lose my shit...” 

And Sam had gotten way too good at pushing things from his mind. So he shudders, but tries to push the idea from his head.

That’s when he hears footsteps returning to the room. He can hear plastic rustling and his heart rate shoots up in instinctive panic until he hears Eric’s voice again, “Easy kid, it’s just me.”

And he was suppose to push it down but before he can stop himself he's asking, ”The knife... the knife he used to cut out my eye... do you know if it was infected?”

There’s silence for a few moments and Sam waits in desperate darkness before there’s a quiet, “I don’t think so kid, but... I really don’t know...” 

Sam swallows down a hysterical noise that wants to come from his lungs. “It was small, so like, probably not good for killing zombies, right?”

“I don’t know, kid,” And he can hear the real regret in the guy’s voice. “I’m sorry. But I need to you try to calm down for this. The pain’s gonna make your heart rate shoot up enough and that's going to make the bleeding harder to stop.”

Sam nods, attempting to release the tension from his body. It’s not easy, and it’s all undone when Eric touches his face again as pain pulses through his head. “I have some water and some pills for you to take too,” He says quietly, “But I’m going to wait until we’re done with the dressing change to give them to you in case you vomit from pain, okay?”

Sam nods tightly, asking, “What are the pills?”

”Antibiotics and Tylenol,” Eric answers, and Sam hears him set a bag down. “Should help a little bit.”

”Antibiotics?”

”To keep your eye from getting infected,” Eric says, and Sam greatly appreciates Eric all of the sudden. Sam feels hands on his shoulders. “Okay, kid, I’m gonna move you so I can get to your head, okay? This is gonna suck.”

Sam shudders as he pictures moving, but says quietly, “Okay...”

”Deep breath...” Eric warns him, and then the hands on his shoulders are shifting him to sit up.

Sam stifles a cry as the movement puts weight on the burns on his backside and causes the barbs to dig painfully into his legs. His face throbs and Sam feels horribly lightheaded for a moment. He grits his teeth in an attempt to ground himself as he teeters dangerously on the edge of passing out again. The grounding works, and Sam feels the world come back into clarity after a few moments of not moving. “You gonna pass out on me?” Eric asks.

Sam hums a short negative, wary of moving his head too much right now. Eric makes a noise of acknowledgement and then Sam hears plastic rustling again. “So uh... you uh... you seem like a decent guy,” Sam says, kinda hoping that Eric will start talking because he knows how much this is about to suck.

Eric seems to know what he’s getting at. “How’d I fall in with these people?” Sam nods, and it’s not as bad as he was worrying, not sending his head spinning or eye throbbing too badly. Eric continues with a quiet, “Alright, I’m gonna start, okay?” 

“Okay...” Sam whispers, pressing his teeth together harder.

”So, it seemed like a good idea at the time,” Eric says, and he touches the bandages on Sam’s face, feeling for a seam. “You know, everything had just started getting really bad. I was working at LA Regional at the time and that was when the hospital had fallen into chaos and we kinda gave up on trying to contain the infected.” He’s found the seam, and he’s started unwrapping the gauze.

”What did you do... ow!” Sam choked down a yelp as the unwrapping pulled on the wound. 

“Sorry,” Eric murmurs, “I was a nurse. Probably why someone was interested in me. I was one of the last ones who stuck around after the doctors had thrown every antibiotic we had at the patients.” The bandage is sticking, adhered with congealed blood, and Sam lets out a noise of pain as the tugging angers the wound. “Sorry, sorry...”

”Keep talking,” Sam says through gritted teeth. Feeling has started to come back into his hands and he’s trying to focus on the pins and needles there more.

Eric obliges him. ”I was finally leaving the hospital, well, being chased out by some of my former patients,” Eric chuckles, “When some guys pulled up in a truck, oh shit, here comes the blood...” Sam groans loudly because oh yeah, he can feel that the bleeding’s started again because a massive scab over his empty socket just got dislodged and shit, that fucking hurt.

”Fuck, fuck fuck...”

Eric keeps talking and Sam tries to focus on the sound of his voice as the world starts to swim around him again. “Someone reached down from the truck and hauled me up. It ended up being some of the people who are in this group. Well, some of them anyway.” There’s a dark tone in Eric’s voice. “Shit, they put the first wrap over your eye, I’m gonna have to unwrap this whole thing.”

”I don’t care,” Sam hissed, even as spots danced behind his eyelids.

”Then you know that stopping the bleeding is going to suck,” Eric warns him.

”I don’t care.”

”Alright,” Eric sounds doubtful.

”I need to see,” Sam says firmly, because he’ll definitely lose his shit if he stays blind for much longer.

Eric sighs, and Sam hears it. “Okay, bite down on this.” And there’s a strip of something pressed between his teeth. Sam bites down on it, grateful for the help. “One... two... three.” Sam lets out a low, strangled cry as Eric undoes the last few wraps and then there’s white hot pain from his face again as Eric pulls off the last of the dressing. He immediately replaces the gauze over his injury with a new pad as he presses Sam’s head firmly between his hands to help hold pressure. Sam yells and he can’t stop it. Oh God, that hurts, that hurts so bad, like fire shooting through his skull. And even though his vision is unobscured again Sam keeps his eye screwed shut just in the desperate hope that he won’t pass out from pain.

Luckily, Eric seems to know how badly he’s hurting Sam. “How you doing, kid?”

”It’s Sam.” He says through his bite on the strap. Sam doesn’t know why that’s suddenly important, but it is.

”Okay, how you doing, Sam? Well enough to tell me your name I guess,” Eric sounds like he’s grinning a little.

”Fuckin’ hurts...” 

“Yeah, I thought it might.”

”Fuck...” Sam’s trying really, really hard not to pass out, even though his body is begging him to. “So how... how did you get here again?”

He hears a worried noise from Eric before the man continued. ”We, me and the people who grabbed me, ran into this group a few weeks later,” Eric says, ”And uh, their leader killed two of my group, disappeared with the women we had with us and I think they only kept me alive because of my medical background. Fuck, you just keep bleeding...“ He presses a new gauze pad on top of the blood soaked one he’s holding, causing a new spike of pain to race through Sam’s skull.

”Ow...” He groans, nausea erupting in his stomach.

”You wanted this,” Eric reminds him.

”I know...” Sam grumbles. Because he knows that but he still fucking hurts...

”So I just stuck with them,” Eric continues with his story. “Wasn’t much else going on or anyone else to join up with so I figured, hey, at least I got a people. And they needed me, so I was relatively safe.”

”Do they always kidnap and torture people?” Sam asks tightly. And he really shouldn’t have said that, because yeah, Eric’s helping him but he doesn’t know hardly anything else about the man. Pissing him off might not be the right move.

Luckily, Eric doesn’t seem offended. ”They seem to have a particular vendetta against your group,” Eric says evenly, and Sam feels like there’s more he’s not saying. But the pain has finally evened out to something that Sam can begin to adjust to, so he drops the strap from his mouth and chances trying to open his eye.

But it won’t open. It almost feels like his eye is glued shut. “Uh...” He starts in panic. “Eric, why won’t my eye open?”

Eric’s quiet for a moment, then he says, “Looks like uh... the blood dried and glued your eyelids together.”

”Oh...” Sam’s heart dropped, “Can you uh... please?”

Eric’s quiet for another moment, before he feels the man move and new pain shoots through his skull.

”Ow, ow, fuck...”

“I’m gonna use an alcohol swab, okay?” Eric says, “Might sting your eye a little bit.” 

“I don’t care.” And he doesn’t. If Sam gets to see then he doesn’t give a shit if it stings a little.

He hears a ripping noise, and then something cold wiping at his eyelid. He lets Eric wipe his eye for a moment, before the guy slowly tries to pry his eyelashes apart. 

It’s unexpectedly bright when he finally gets his eye open. But then, he supposes, anything would be bright after the total darkness he had been in. The man in front of him is looking at him, and Sam’s a little surprised by what he looks like. He had expected someone a little more... rugged, he supposed.

Eric looks like he was the guy who was super clean cut and professional before the apocalypse started. Even now, his brown hair isn’t wild or mussy, and his facial hair is groomed. He’s got a wide, open face with very few lines and honestly looked like the kid that probably would have been made fun of in high school. 

But here he is, probably having outlived anyone who bullied him, here with Sam.

”Everything working?” Eric asks, holding up his free hand, “How many fingers am I holding up?”

”Three,” Sam answers, and he’s just so fucking relieved that he can see again, even if he’s still tied up and captive.

”Good,” Eric says, and there’s a careful smile on his face. “Glad that one’s in working order.”

Sam hums an affirmative, trying to look around the room without moving his head. It feels more like an over-sized storage cabinet than a room, tile floors and no window on its four walls, blood all over the floor but... that’s probably mostly his. Eric changes out the upper gauze and Sam shudders at the spike of agony from the wound. “How bad is it?” He asks quietly. Eric hesitates, and Sam adds, “Don’t sugarcoat it.”

Eric sighs. ”Well, your eye’s gone, but you knew that.” Sam nods, and Eric looks to be thinking. “It's uh... a bit of a mess of a wound, 'cause of the way it was made? It’ll take a while to heal fully. Maybe a few months...”

Sam shudders, swallowing down the horror that he feels at knowing this, at this terrible thing that’s been done to him. “Why did they do it?” He asks, not sure he wants to know the answer.

Eric looks pained, but he answers anyway. “They wanted a message to send to your friends.”

And Sam’s immediately horrified because he knows what that means. “What the fuck?” He demands, “You mean, my friends got...” Nausea turns in his stomach, and it’s not helped by the spike of pain from Eric changing out the gauze again.

”Yup,” Eric confirms.

Sam’s stomach clenches at the thought of Elton or Devyn opening that ‘message’. ”That’s fucked up...” Sam says quietly.

Eric presses his lips together and doesn’t respond.

Finally, Sam asks the questions that’s been scaring him since they got him. “Do you know what they’re planning on doing with me?”

Eric doesn’t want to look at him. He can tell by the way the man is digging in his bag of supplies and avoiding Sam’s gaze. “Eric?” And he tries hard to keep his voice soft, non-threatening. 

_Come on, dude, help me out here..._

Eric still doesn’t speak, pulling out another length of bandage. “I think the bleeding’s under control again,” he says finally, and without letting up pressure on the already existing squares, he starts wrapping the bandage around Sam’s head.

The pressure is firm, as it’s meant to be Sam’s sure, but that’s still painful on the raw, open flesh. ”Eric... please?” Sam asks, letting out a small noise of pain as the dressing continues.

Eric wraps the gauze around his head slowly and carefully. He’s clearly thinking as he does so. Sam appreciates that Eric doesn’t cover his eye back up as he tapes down the edge of the gauze.

”I might have to put it back over your eye before tomorrow,” Eric says regretfully, “I know they want you blindfolded, but uh... I’ll do it so you don’t have to undo the whole thing to get it undone again afterwards.”

Sam’s heart sinks. “What’s tomorrow?” He asks. "Dude... please?"

Eric's quiet for a long moment, and Sam can see the indecision rippling over his face. When he finally speaks, his voice is low. "Most of this group wants your friends dead. And you're bait."

An icy cold feeling spreads through his chest. "No..." Sam breathes, because he's not stupid. And Sam knows what’s probably planned for them. "They're walking into a trap, aren't they?"

Eric doesn't confirm it, but the apology on his face tells Sam all he needs to know.

”You can’t... Eric, please,” Sam whispers, “They’ll... they’ll do awful things to them...” Devyn will be... well he knows what they’ll do to her. And Elton? Probably tortured like Sam has been until they got bored of him. Unless they killed him outright.

Eric looks away. “I’m sorry, Sam.”

”Eric... you have to help me...” Sam begs him, “I can’t... I can’t just know they’re going to suffer because of me! Please!”

”You should take the pills I brought,” Eric says, and reaches back into the bag. 

“Eric...”

”Sam, I don’t want to, but I will absolutely gag you if you don’t shut up.” And the harshness of his voice makes Sam clam up.

There’s a tense, awkward silence between them as Eric pours pills in his mouth and them helps him drink from a water bottle. The antibiotics are big, and hard to get down, but somehow Sam manages it.

The incentive of not dying from a preventable infection is great enough.

Sam watches Eric, grateful to the man for helping him get his sight back but now... now he doesn’t know what to say. The man is... antsy. Sam can tell, not knowing what to do with Sam either. He looks uncomfortable as Sam follows him with his gaze.

Eric laughs nervously. “This was a lot less awkward when you couldn’t watch me.”

Sam redirects his gaze immediately, not wanting Eric to have any reason to blindfold him again. “Sorry...” He says quietly.

”I... God dammit, Sam...” Eric says, and his voice is weary, “After everything you just went through to see I’m not going to blindfold you again unless I have to.”

”I... thank you,” Sam says, not having expected that.

”You...” Eric sighs, leaning against a wall and resting his arms on his knees. “You know, that was always my least favorite part about working hospitals. It was having to hurt people.”

Sam blinks at Eric, not knowing what he means. “But you were a nurse,” He says.

Eric nods, “Yeah,” He said, “But I worked on a unit where a lot of the patients were in pain. And I had a lot of really painful dressing changes to do.” Sam nods, as a lot of what Eric had done with him makes more sense. 

He shifts, his upright position starting to get painful on his ass. Fuck, he needs to move but he’s going to end up stabbing himself with some sort of wire in some sort of burn because there's no good way to do this with his hand bound behind him... He shifts, tucking his legs under him just a little and lighting up the burns on his lower body. “Ow, ow, fuck, fuck, fuck...” God he hurts, he fucking hurts, and the Tylenol’s maybe kicking in, because he feels like that should have fucked with his head more but even so it’s still a lot.

Eric’s hands are on his shoulders again. “Easy,” He says, “Deep breaths...”

”Everything just _fucking_ hurts,” Sam snaps, and he doesn’t mean to be harsh but he’s been in constant pain for so long that his patience for politeness is low. “Fuck, I’m sorry...”

”No offense taken,” Eric says quietly. “I know you’re in a lot of pain.”

Sam means for his next noise to come out as a harsh laugh but he’s not at all surprised when it comes out as a sob. “Just uh, you know, constant pain, my eye's been cut out, my friends are going to be killed coming after me, and I’ll probably be raped and tortured until I die and you know, that’s assuming that I’m not infected and that doesn’t get me first!”

Great, now he’s having a panic attack again.

”Sam...” Eric starts.

”Eric, I don’t... I don’t really want to talk about it, okay?” Sam‘s squeezing his remaining eye closed just trying to keep himself together and forget where he is and how much he hurts.

“Okay...” Eric says quietly and leaves it at that.

OOO

They’re all gathered up together in the main room. They’ve been planning for hours. Colby knows that they're walking into a trap tomorrow. He's sure that group wants all of them dead.

Luckily, they've got a secret weapon that their "neighbors" won't be anticipating.

"So we've got a plan?" Reggie asks, leaning forward with a grin on his face.

Elton nods, and Colby smiles a little, feeling hopeful for the first time in a while. "We got a plan."

Kallie grins too. "Oh, this is gonna be so much fun."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much to say for this chapter. Sorry Sam!
> 
> Next update on Friday!
> 
> As always, hope you guys enjoyed, and I'll see you in the next one!


	6. Chapter 6

A few, pain filled hours and a horribly embarrassing bathroom trip pass. Eric insists it’s no trouble, that he used to do it all the time for his patients, but Sam’s still mortified when Eric has him bend over a little bit so that Eric can wipe his ass. But he supposes it’s the least humiliating option of the two he has because his body doesn’t give a shit that he’s held captive. It still has needs.

That trip hurts. It hurts a lot. And he has to keep himself from panicking when Eric touches him in the places that Jax threatened to violate.

_Fuck, Colby, I’m so sorry..._

And then that’s over, and he’s curled up on the floor again, and somehow, unbelievably, Sam manages to fall asleep after Eric stops talking to him. Well... fall asleep or maybe just pass out. He's sure it had something to do with the mental and physical stress of the dressing change, subsequent realizations, and just existing in pain for the past day. When he does pass out, it's not exactly a sound sleep. He has nightmares. What about he can't remember, but needless to say... waking up again sucks.

He's not sure how long it's been exactly, but he's sure that it's been in excess of twenty-four hours since his hands were bound behind him and his ankles together. His shoulders are furious at the mistreatment, throbbing against their bindings, and the skin under the barbed wire feels raw, not just in the locations with the barbs. And that's not even including all the burns and of course...

The hole in his face.

He still hasn't adapted to the idea that even when the bandages come off he won't be able to see out of that side of his head. It's not real yet, that the bandages aren't just obscuring his vision but are in fact hiding something much more permanent.

Well, at least he's probably not going to live long enough to have to.

"Sam!" There's a harsh whisper in his ear.

Sam's eye flies open, turning as best he can to see Eric kneeling by him even as pain ricochets through his body. The man's face looks apologetic and Sam already knows what's about to come out of his mouth. "I have to..."

"I know..." Sam cuts him off, dread racing through his body. Eric's going to have to take his sight again. And then he'll be taken... somewhere he's sure.

Eric looks pained, but he nods. "Okay. I'm gonna have you sit up again, okay?"

"Okay..." Sam has to stifle a sob as Eric helps move him upright again. Fuck, everything hurts so badly... He can even feel as tears well in his remaining eye in a combination of pain and terrified emotion. Because it's not just that they're blinding him again, it's that he's being taken to be bait.

Bait to get his friends killed.

"I can untie your ankles at least," Eric says, sounding like he's trying to be positive.

"If I can even walk..." Sam comments tightly. His feet have been numb for a long time. He'd started his captivity trying to shift them so that bloodflow would get to them but passing out had kinda thwarted his plans on that. 

"We have some time," Eric says. "Sam, I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologize," Sam whispers, his heart beat slamming in his ears. "Not unless you can help get me out of here."

Eric has no response to that. Sam didn't think he would.

Eric unwraps the last two feet of the bandage, and his apologetic look is the last thing Sam sees before his vision is obscured again. A whimper of fear escapes Sam's mouth without his permission, and he hears Eric swear under his breath. But he doesn't apologize again. Sam's glad for that. He's not sure he would have been able to control the sob that would have come out if he tried to respond.

And then it's dark again, and Sam strains his ears to try to hear what Eric is doing. When he feels hands on his ankles he jumps a little bit, sending his head throbbing. "Just cutting the wire," Eric explains quietly.

"'Kay..."

He hears the sound of metal on metal, and then a snipping sound, and the wire around his ankles loosens. Sam groans because the rush of blood back to his feet is almost painful, burning down his legs into his toes. Eric sighs but doesn't say anything, just quietly manipulates Sam's ankles so as to pull off the wires. Sam tries to muffle the sounds of pain but he's only partially successful.

And then his ankles are free for the first time in what's probably a day and Sam moves his legs independently. Fuck... shit he never thought he would be so grateful for the ability to move his ankles...

"So... I did talk to some people about the knife being infected," Eric says quietly.

Sam's heart skips a beat in his chest. "Oh?" He asks.

"Yeah," He feels a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You're not infected, Sam. You don't have to worry about that."

The sheer force of the relief that crashes over him almost makes him dizzy. "How did you... how do you know?" He asks breathlessly.

"I told them I wanted to be sure I wasn't watching a zombie," Eric says, "And I was told that Cliff keeps that knife clean so that uh..." He shudders a little bit, "He doesn't have to worry about his uh... conquests going all cannibal on him if he wants to cut them up a little bit."

Sam shudders. On one hand he's super relieved. On the other, that simple anecdote tells Sam way more than he needed to know about what Devyn's (and possibly his) fate would be if they were kept here.

More torture. Wonderful.

"Thank you..." Sam murmurs, "For uh... finding that out for me." Because Eric didn't have to. No part of his job required him to look after Sam's mental well being. 

But he is so grateful he did.

"Don't worry about it..." Eric mutters, before he squeezes Sam's shoulder. "Alright, we're going to try to stand up, okay?" Sam hums an affirmative sound, even if he seriously doubts his ability to keep his feet under him. Eric's arm comes under his armpits, painfully tagging the burns on his ribs, and Eric lifts as Sam tries to put weight on his numb feet. He's partially successful, but it's massively unhelpful when his eye socket throbs from the sudden movement and sends everything spinning.

"Shit, shit, fuck..." Sam whispers. Everything is spinning and without his sight he has no way to orient himself. It also doesn't help that the movement has set every injury in his body to screaming.

"You're okay," Eric murmurs reassuringly. "We're gonna get this, okay?"

"It fucking hurts," Sam won't admit how close to a sob the words came out.

"You're gonna be okay," Eric promises soothingly.

"Please..." Sam doesn't even know what he's begging for. For the pain to stop? To be let go? To save his friends? For Colby? He just whimpers through the pain and tries desperately to get his unfeeling feet to obey him.

It takes several long, painful moments, but eventually his limbs obey him and Sam's standing on his own again. "Okay..." Eric says quietly. "You ready for this?"

It's a stupid question, and Sam thinks that Eric realizes that as soon as he says it. But Sam doesn't have the brain cells to spare on calling him on it. 

"Do I get clothes?" Sam asks, already knowing the answer.

"No..." Eric says regretfully and Sam shudders. Great. So they can add humiliation on top of the existing pain and helplessness.

He makes one last ditch effort to beg for his case. "Eric, please..." Sam pleads, absolutely terrified. "Help me."

There's quiet from the man holding him. "Eric..." Sam whispers, "Please."

Another pause, and then Eric says, "Let's go, Sam."

That definitely wasn't a sob that just tried to escape. "Okay..." Sam says, and lets himself be led blindly forward.

OOO

"Do you think they killed him?" Colby's been afraid to voice his fear, but now that they're walking over to "the neighbors" he can't help but voice it to Elton.

"I don't know, dude," Elton says quietly. He's favoring his bitten leg as he walks a little bit, and it reminds Colby of the harsh reality that will be facing them in a few weeks. Colby swallows harshly. He's not going to think about that right now.

Devyn's walking quietly behind them. She's wearing an oversized hoodie and sweatpants, covering as much of her skin as she can. Her face is tight with suppressed emotion. Colby winces. That conversation had sucked last night.

_It had been early on in the brainstorming process. ”I don’t want them anywhere near Devyn,” Colby says quietly._

_”Why?” Colby thinks Kallie picks up on the tone of his voice._

_”Because uh...” Colby doesn’t want to say it, doesn’t want to put words what he knows the group wants with Devyn. Because they told him explicitly while someone had a boot to his back and a gun to his head. Threatened to do it to him too. But Elton and the others didn’t know about that._

_“Did they tell you something when they tried to kidnap you?” Elton asks with a raised eyebrow. Colby looks at him with wide eyes. “Sam ratted you out.” He explains tightly._

_”I... god damn it...” Colby sighs, running a hand through his hair. He didn’t realize that Sam had figured it out. “Yeah, that’s uh...”_

_"They want me," Devyn says quietly to the room. Everyone turns to look at her. She shrugs. “I mean, it’s a group of men. I’m uh... I’m an attractive female,” She shrinks down a little bit. “It’s common sense, really.”_

_Elton looks at Colby for confirmation. Colby just nods silently._

_“Oh fuck that,” Reggie says angrily._

_“We could... we could trade me for Sam,” Devyn says and there’s an immediate reaction._

_"Absolutely not," Elton says, a sentiment echoed around the room. "We're coming up with a plan that gets all of us out of there, okay? No self sacrificing bullshit."_

_"Yeah, no self sacrificing bullshit," Colby throws the words back at Elton, watching the older guy wince._

_Kallie throws an arm over Devyn, hugging her close. "We ain't lettin' you get hurt, okay?" Kallie assures her. "We'll come up with something that gets everyone out."_

And they're pretty sure they have.

The neighbors' house comes into view around the corner. They'd set up their primary base in another large house fairly close to the trap house. The place has a gated front lawn, closed in by fence and shrub. The gate is open, and Colby can see that there's already a welcoming committee assembled for them. He mentally steels himself for this, because he knows that no matter what happens, this is not going to be fun.

The jeers start up as soon as they're in eyesight of the house. Colby tries to mostly tune them out, but he gets the gist of what they're saying, and he watches Devyn slowly sink further behind him and Elton. God, the things these guys are calling at her... Colby's not a vengeful person, but with what they're saying and what he already knows they've done to Sam, it makes him want to tear them all limb from limb.

Elton and Colby sandwich Devyn between them as they walk up to the gate. Elton puts a hand out, stopping the other two. The neighbors seem almost surprised for a moment, but then they regroup. There's about fifteen of them assembled, and as they wait, one of the men approaches them. He's actually fairly clean cut, but a man with overgrown mutton chops is following him, and Colby recognizes that guy.

He's one of the guys who tried to take Colby a few months ago. The one who had seen the bite marks on him and threatened to fuck him _"like the whore he was"_. The man recognizes him, his face splitting into a wide grin. "Well look at that!" He calls, "We thought you were dead, pretty boy! Hadn't seen you out for a while!"

Colby grits his teeth. He had hoped to never run into this guy again "Where is he?" He calls back.

Mutton Chop's grin gets impossibly wider. "You got my message!" He says gleefully, "Oh, did you enjoy it?"

"Where the fuck is our friend?" Elton calls out, louder than Colby had. 

The clean cut man in front of Mutton Chops is the one to respond. "Is this all of you?" He asks evenly, taking in the three of them.

Colby wraps a protective arm around Devyn. "Yeah," He says, trying to keep the pain out of his voice.

"You killed our other friend by shooting at him," Elton snapped back, not pulling any punches.

The clean cut guy shrugs. "So sorry," He says, without a hint of apology in his voice.

Colby feels anger burn down his throat. Luckily, Elton's the one who speaks. "We're not negotiating until we see that our friend is okay," Elton says tightly.

"You're not in a position to negotiate..."

"Alright," Clean Cut cuts off Mutton Chops unexpectedly. "Eric?" Colby hears muttering from the assembled people. People are moving around, and Colby hears a couple of cat calls in their direction, as well as a few straight up threatening come-ons, but he's mostly focused on where he can see the door opening to the house, and two people emerging.

And his heart stops, because he knows immediately who one of them is.

Sam's not wearing any clothing, so it makes it easy to see the blood that covers the upper half of his body. There's something wrapped around his torso, binding his hands behind his back, and Colby realizes with growing horror that it's barbed wire... the same kind they got in the box with Sam's eye... shit, that must have been Sam's blood...

And this is the first time he's been able to see the results of the damage done to Sam's face. For better or for worse most of the upper half of his face is obscured by this bandages that cover his eyes... well... the one he has left and the bloody hole in his face. Fuck... all of that blood must have come from when they cut out his eye.

Colby can see how uncomfortable Sam is in the way he walks, likely due to the blindness, exposure, and the pain from the wire and his face. As Sam gets closer, lead by the arm by a young, portly fellow, Colby can see the bright red and blistering burns that cover Sam everywhere the blood doesn't coat, and then some places it does. And that leads Colby to a horrible realization.

They fucking tortured him. 

Colby feels so many emotions download all at once; fear, fury, hurt, sympathy, pain, and a deep, deep desire for vengeance.

He's going to fucking kill them all.

"Sam!" He can't stop the call of his best friend's name from bursting from his lips.

Sam's whole fucking body language changes. "Colby?" Sam chokes out, and Colby knows what Sam's voice sounds like after a concert so he knows that Sam's been screaming. Screaming a lot.

He's going to kill them.

"I'm here Sam, I'm here..." Colby reassures his friend.

"Do you like what I did to his face?" Mutton Chops crows, and when Sam gets close enough for him to touch he presses fingers into the bloody part of the bandage. Sam shrieks, losing his footing at the burst of pain, the man gripping his arms taking his whole body weight when Sam's legs give out.

"Colby, ow..." Devyn says softly, and Colby looks at her, realizing that he's tightened his grip on her where his arm is thrown over her shoulder.

"Sorry," He whispers back, loosening his grip.

"On your knees," Mutton Chops snarls at Sam. He hits Sam hard on the back with his hand and Sam's legs give out again as he yells in agony. Instead of catching him, this time the guy who's been holding him up just helps him to the ground. Colby watches Sam kneel naked on the concrete with rage coiling viciously in his gut.

The fucking monsters... 

Mutton Chops kneels next to him and fists a hand in Sam's hair, craning his neck back and pressing a knife to it. Colby hears the whimper that escapes Sam's throat at the pressure of the knife and he consciously restrains himself from squeezing Devyn's shoulder again.

"What do you want with us?" Elton asks, and Colby relieved to hear that he's not the only one having troubles controlling how furious he is with these people for hurting Sam.

"Colby, it's a trap," Sam yells suddenly, "You gotta get out, it's a-" His voice is cut off on a scream as Mutton Chops drags the knife across Sam's chest, slicing a pretty good sized gash in the skin.

"Shut the fuck up you little shit!" The man snarls, pressing a hand over Sam's mouth before he turns back to Colby and Elton and Devyn. "You leave now and he's dead." He presses the knife back into Sam's throat and Colby sees a red line appear. The gash across his chest wells up and spills over, pouring new blood over the old, dried blood.

"What do you want from us?" Elton repeats, but his voice is calmer as he tries to deescalate the situation. He glances at the watch on his wrist and glances behind them quickly.

"Well, let's start with the simple things," Clean Cut says calmly, like all of that hadn't just happened. "We want the girl." His eyes land on Devyn, and Colby feels her shudder under his gaze. He holds a hand out to her, "Come here, Princess." And Colby hates the tone of his voice.

"Then we want Sam," Colby says tightly, not taking his eyes off of their friend.

"What makes you think you're in any position to make demands?" Clean Cut asks, cocking an eyebrow at Colby. He looks at Devyn, "Come here, now, Princess."

That's when Colby hears the distant sound of engines. He glances behind them with a faint grin as everyone around him is confused because car engines aren't exactly a common sound. But he stifles the grin, pretending instead to be just as confused at anyone else. "What the fuck?" Elton demands.

And then the beautiful sight of Bubba's jeep and Kallie's truck come around the corner, headed full speed towards the neighbors' house followed by the sound of gunfire. The confusion turns to panic as people start scattering. Clean Cut yells for people to stand their ground but no one seems to care what he says, more worried about saving their own skin. Colby knows that they're just shooting into the sky, but their neighbors don't. Elton pulls Devyn behind him as Colby tears towards Sam, punching an unexpecting Mutton Chops in the face.

Hard.

The man shouts, falling back from Sam and Colby's able to grab Sam's arm. "Sorry, we gotta go," He hisses in explanation, trying to haul Sam to his feet.

"Colby...?"

"No time to explain, backup's here." But Colby's having a hard time with Sam, because Sam goes to stand up but he's so unstable that Colby doesn't make it very far before Sam's stumbling against him and to the ground with a yell of pain. "Sam, come on..."

"Let me help," The portly man is there again, lifting Sam's other side and helping Colby.

"Get the fuck away from him," Colby snarls but Sam interrupts.

"No, he helped me. His name is Eric," Sam explains through gasping breaths, "He's okay."

And despite everything, Colby trusts Sam, so he nods at Eric, accepting his help. "Okay, we gotta get to the truck before they realize what's going on."

Colby hears the start of more gunfire as they run for the truck and know that Bubba and Reggie must have Elton and Devyn and are shooting cover fire. At least, that was the plan and Colby hopes that it hasn't derailed that badly that someone else is shooting. Sam leans heavily against him and Eric as they finally make it up to the bed of the truck.

Colby takes one look at Sam and his bound hands and apologizes. "Bro, I'm so sorry," And Eric seems to know what he's doing, because in unison they both heft Sam into the back of the truck. Sam shrieks in pain but Colby can't really focus on it because he's scrabbling up himself and pulling the trunk gate up after Eric. "Go! Go! Go!" He yells to Kallie in the front.

Colby doesn't even hear their responses, but the truck starts moving and Colby yelps as the acceleration knocks him off his knees and onto his back. Colby hears another pained yell from Sam and mentally apologizes, but then they're moving and weaving and Colby needs to focus more on not falling out of the vehicle.

Fortunately, the weaving evens out soon and Colby can finally make his way over to Sam and pull him against his body. He hears a pained noise from Sam and pauses, pushing Sam back up to see the menagerie of first and second degree burns that cover Sam's back. "Oh fuck, Sam, I'm so sorry..." Colby whispers.

"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay..." The breathless way Sam repeats the phrase immediately makes Colby worry.

"Sam..."

"Can you... the blindfold... please?" Sam whimpers, "Fuck, please..."

"Let me..." Eric leans over and Colby instinctively pulls Sam back away from him.

“You stay the fuck away from him...” Colby growls. 

“Is that Eric?” Sam asks.

Colby looks at the man and he nods quickly. “Yeah, it’s me, Sam.” Eric says.

"He's okay," Sam assures Colby, his voice thin and breathy. "He can... he knows how to undo it..."

Colby nods tightly at Eric, “Okay, fine. Help him.” Colby watches Eric warily as the man reaches for Sam's head. He undoes the tape holding the end of the bandage down, and unwraps the last little bit of the wrapping until Colby sees Sam's remaining eye emerge. Sam finds Colby's eyes with his, and it's wide and glassy. But he seems to immediately lose some of the tension in his body as he sees his friend.

"Colby..."

"Hey Sam..." Colby says softly.

"Colby..." Sam whispers, and then his eye is tearing up, "Colby, I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for everything. I've been a fucking asshole and I'm so, so sorry..." The truck hits a bump and Sam cries out in pain, eye screwing shut.

"You..." Colby's heart is slamming in his chest, because this is Sam finally... finally apologizing. And it's not just Zombie Sam he holds against him, but actual Sam... the best friend Colby thought he had lost to the apocalypse. "We'll talk about this later, okay? After we get where we're going. Where it's safe." He looks at Sam's wrists, worn red and bloody by the wire restraints, the unhealthy purple of his hands. "And we'll get you untied too, okay?"

"Okay..." Sam says softly, resting the healthy side of his face against Colby's chest. Colby blinks for a few moments, because is Sam _snuggling_ him? What the fuck did he miss?

He hesitates for a moment, before wrapping an arm around Sam's shoulders, trying not to put pressure on the burns that litter his back. Colby hears a faint hum from Sam and lets himself relax, trying to even out his breathing, because they're safe.

They have Sam, and they're safe.

They drive for a while, until they're well into the mountains of LA. They had known that it wouldn't be safe to go back to the trap house after they pulled this rescue, knowing it would be the first place the neighbors looked for them. So instead they had packed up, loading their few belongings into their vehicles and taking off to one of the abandoned houses Colby had scoped out months ago.

Hopefully, no one will know to follow them here.

"Sam?" Colby speaks his friend's name quietly. Sam had actually dozed off on the drive over. Colby doesn't want to think about how exhausted Sam has to be to sleep through the drive with the amount of pain that Colby's sure he's in.

Sam jumps with a muffled cry, eye moving desperately to find Colby before relaxing against him again. "Where are we?" He asks quietly.

"Somewhere safe," Colby assures him, watching as his friends start hopping out of their vehicles and knifing the few Z's that wandered up to the sound of engines. "Stay here, I'm gonna find some wire cutters, okay?" And he starts to get up.

"No! Don't..." There's panic on Sam's face and Colby freezes. "I mean... uh..."

"You're safe, dude," Colby promises, and it’s fucking weird to see Sam being so vulnerable with him again after the past few months. "I promise. I'll be right back. I just gotta find something to cut the wire with to get your hands free, okay?"

"And medical supplies, if you can?" Eric asks, startling both Sam and Colby. Colby looks at the man trying to make himself small in the back of the truck. "We should probably clean and dress his wounds," The man says hesitantly.

Colby nods. "Okay." He's still not a huge fan of this guy being _anywhere_ near Sam, but Sam seems to trust him, so Colby will play nice for now. 

Besides, Eric is seriously outnumbered and probably won't try anything even if he wanted to.

So Colby gently extricates himself from Sam and hops out of the back of the truck, finding Kallie and Nadia already moving towards him. "Do you have a..." But Nadia's already anticipated his question, handing him a wire cutter with a comforting smile. "Thank you..." Colby breathes, picking up the scissors. "And the first aid kit?"

"Bubba's got it," Kallie's looking at Sam, and there's mixed emotions on her face. Pity and worry... but also wariness. Colby sighs, because it's clear that Kallie doesn't trust Sam yet.

Not that he can really blame her. _He's_ not entirely sure where he's at with Sam. Because Sam's already broken a lot of the rules that the two of them had evolved to keep the peace between them these past few months. So what... where did they stand? Colby didn't know.

"What's Bubba got?" Bubba is wandering over to take in the truck.

"The first aid kit," Nadia says.

"Oh! I do got it!" And Bubba turns on his heel and walks back to the jeep.

Colby hefts the wire cutters in his hand and climbs carefully back into the truck to unbind Sam. That's when Kallie gets a look at who else is in the truck with Sam and Colby. "Who the fuck are you?" Kallie asks harshly.

"He uh... he helped me, when I was there," Sam says hesitantly, but he recoils a little bit at the look she sends _him_.

"Watch yourself," She warns him. "I still don't trust you after how you treated Cole."

Colby winces at her words, but Sam looks devastated. "I..." Sam starts, but closes his mouth again.

"We'll talk about it more later," Colby promises Sam, reaching for his wrists with the wire cutters. Sam nods slowly, making a soft noise of pain as Colby wiggles the blades of the scissors between Sam's raw skin and the wire. "Sorry..."

"Just get it off," Sam whispers back, and Colby snips the wire, doing his best to cut enough of them that he doesn't have to hurt Sam more by unwinding it. Sam hisses as the wire clears his skin, but that's all the reaction he gives.

Sam doesn't move his hands right away once they're unbound, and Colby's a little surprised when Eric climbs over. "Okay, one at a time, slowly," He instructs Sam, who nods, and lets Eric move his right arm forward.

Colby hates the pained noise that comes from Sam's mouth at the movement, and it occurs to him that Sam's hands have probably been bound for a long time. "How long did they have him tied?" Colby asks Eric.

Eric winces, letting Sam's right arm sit in his lap as he goes to move the left. "Probably about thirty-six hours?"

"Fuck..." Colby breathes, cringing again at the noise that Sam makes. He may have mixed feelings about Sam right now but part of him is still hardwired to hate the sound of Sam in pain.

"You should cover him up," Colby hears Devyn's voice, and he turns to see that Devyn has made her way over with a soft looking blanket in her arms. Colby cringes, all but having forgotten that Sam's still naked and very likely to go into shock, so he accepts the blanket and wraps it around Sam. Sam makes a soft noise of pleasure, looking up at Colby with an expression that Colby hasn't seen in months.

Sam... Sam is back.

And Colby doesn't know what to do with that.

Bubba brings over the first aid kit and Eric gratefully accepts it. He cracks it open and starts digging through the contents. "I should probably clean your burns first," Eric warns Sam, who shudders. 

"Okay..." He agrees reluctantly. "We don't have to do my eye today, right?" And Colby hates the fear and dread in Sam's voice.

Eric grimaces. "We can probably do it tomorrow?" He looks at the kit, wincing, "We're gonna need more gauze before we do it anyway..." He looks at the assembled people. "And antibiotics? If you have them?"

Bubba nods. "We can go on a supply run later today or tomorrow."

"Good," Eric says, he looks at Sam again, who looks at him with some sort of dread. "You ready?"

"No..." Sam whispers, but he nods his consent anyway.

Reggie and Elton have already started setting up the tents. Colby looks at Sam, not wanting to watch Sam in pain more than he has to. But that's not the full truth. He's also starting to find that he needs a moment to figure out how he feels about Sam now that the adrenaline rush of the rescue is over. "You gonna be good if I go and help them set up?"

Sam pauses for a moment, and Colby can see in his eye that he really doesn't want Colby to go anywhere. But he nods reluctantly. "You can... you can go."

"I'll come back, okay?" Colby promises. "And we'll talk, okay?"

"Okay..." Sam says, and he looks at Eric. "Okay, let's... let's do this then."

Eric nods, and pulls out some supplies. Colby hears the soft noise of fear Sam makes, but he forces himself to walk away. He has Sam back. Sam is safe. Injured and broken... but safe.

And Colby doesn't know what to do with him.

So he just comes up to Elton and Reggie and asks them how he can help set up.

OOO

"That's the Colby you were calling for?" Eric asks him once everyone's out of earshot.

Sam nods, watching Colby's form retreat. Colby's here, Colby's alive, but... he's not _here_ , with Sam. 

Not that Sam can blame him, he supposes. Their relationship isn't exactly simple anymore.

"Is he your boyfriend?" Eric asks, and there's no judgement in his voice, just an open curiosity.

"No..." Sam says, still watching after Colby as he starts helping Elton with the tents. "He's uh... well, he was my best friend."

"You two had a falling out?" Eric asks, and Sam hisses as the man starts running something over the wounds on his back.

"I uh..." Sam swallows, not just to control the pain but also to regroup. "I fucked up. I took advantage of him and uh... did some things I really shouldn't have. Things he didn't deserve."

"I see..." Eric doesn't continue, and there's silence between them for a few moments other than the occasional noise of pain from Sam. "How are your shoulders feeling?" Eric asks.

"They fucking hurt," Sam says tightly. He hasn't tried to move them too much since Colby cut the wires. His muscles scream in protest every time he even shifts them. It's like the way his jaw felt after getting his wisdom teeth out... only much worse.

"And your eye?" Eric asks and Sam groans in pain at the way Eric is rubbing over the open burns.

"It fucking hurts...” Some high pitched noise of pain escapes him. “What the fuck are you doing?"

"Cleaning them and putting antibiotic ointment on them," Eric says, continuing with whatever horribly painful thing he’s doing. "I'm sorry, I wish I had something stronger to give you so you wouldn't feel it as much."

"It's fine..." Sam chokes out. He takes a deep breath, struggling to hold in the sounds that want to come out of his mouth. His efforts are thwarted however when he can't hold back the shout of panic as Eric reaches for the burn on his lower back. It's practically on his tailbone, and he gets a vivid flashback to being unable to move, weight bearing down on his body as something hot and hard goes to press into him...

"Colby!" It’s the first name to pop into his head. 

"Sam!" Eric's in his face and Sam jolts again, his hands coming down to push his body away and that's a mistake, because now not only are the burns stinging but his shoulders are screaming on top of the deep, psychological panic that's ripping through him.

And then there's a hand on his shoulder, a hand that Sam's not expecting, and Sam jumps again, turning his head quickly to see what's going on and that's a mistake because his head goes spinning again and _oh God, that hurts_...

"Sam, Sam, hey!" That's Colby's voice. That's Colby's voice and Sam latches desperately onto the hand on his shoulder, knowing that it's Colby and desperately needing him to ground him in that moment.

"Colby, I'm so sorry..." Sam breathes, feeling the words thick in his throat. Because now that it's close to the surface it's all he can think of to say. "I'm so sorry if you ever thought that I raped you."

There's a tense quiet for a moment, and Sam finally gets himself positioned so that he can look at Colby. Colby's looking at him with something close to shock, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. When he finally meets Sam's eyes he looks away, and a little feeling of terrified sadness trickles through Sam.

Because Colby hasn't denied it. Hasn't insisted that Sam didn't rape him.

And Sam feels his heart sink down into his stomach and freeze over there, as there's an inky feeling of ice climbing up his insides. "Colby..."

"I think you two need to talk..." Eric doesn't wait for a response, hopping out of the truck and walking quickly away from them. Sam barely pays him any attention. Instead, all of his focus is on Colby, his best friend, his...

The guy he'd spent the last few months taking advantage of.

"Colby..." Sam starts again, reaching for Colby, ignoring the screaming of his shoulders. "Colby, did I... was I raping you?"

Colby's face is dark and he shies away from Sam's touch. God, Sam could be sick. Colby's fidgeting with his fingers, thoughts passing over his face, before he says, "I uh... Well, I never said no, until the end..." And Sam lets himself be hopeful for just a moment before Colby continues, "But uh... I guess I never knew if I actually did say no if you'd uh... stop."

Sam swallows, feeling like a black hole has opened up in his stomach. "And then..." Colby continues, "And then I did tell you to stop and..."

"I threw you out..." Sam say quietly, and Colby nods. 

"Yeah..." He says.

And Sam remembers the classes on consent that they'd had in high school, always preaching that the absence of a no did not mean yes. And as Sam starts to look back, he can see all the nonverbal no's that he had missed at the time, the times when Colby really didn't want it but Sam... Sam took it anyway.

Fucked him. Took pleasure from him.

Left only pain behind.

"I uh..." Sam fidgets, "I fucked up, Colby. I really fucked up."

Colby just nods. "Yeah..." He agrees. And Sam wants to be mad at Colby for agreeing with him, because Colby's supposed to make him feel better but... that's not right either. Because this time, it's entirely Sam's fault.

Because he's been using and abusing Colby. For months.

He realizes that now.

"Why didn't you stop me?" Sam asks quietly. "I was... I was being a fucking asshole... why didn't you stop me sooner?" And he tries to keep the accusatory tone out of his voice but he can tell from the look on Colby's face that he didn't quite manage it.

But Colby doesn't get mad. It takes a lot to anger Colby, Sam knows that, but it would almost be easier if Colby was angry at him. He can handle anger. This quiet hurt... that's so much worse. “I tried to tell you before,” He says softly, “The other day but uh...”

”I wasn’t listening...” Sam says sadly. Because he hadn’t been. He hadn’t been ready for Colby to try to talk about this. He was still dealing with almost losing Colby on that supply run, and had resorted to the way he had been dealing with those emotions.

Fucking Colby until he was crying.

Because that was easier than admitting how terrified he’d been that he’d lose the last really good thing in his life.

"So... There were... two main reasons, really..." Colby says, and he's leaned against the wall of the trunk. His voice is quiet. "Well, one of them has two parts?" Sam nods for him to continue. "At first... I needed it too..." Colby explains, and Sam watches him. "I needed the pain because... because it made me feel human again, and... I needed you..." He's still not looking at Sam. "And after... after Kat..." He stumbles over her name, and Sam feels a hot burst of pain spear through his chest. "I never thought you'd talk to me again, and... if this... this was how I could feel like you still needed me... then..." He sighs, leaning his head back, "Then there was a lot I was willing to put up with. Because I loved you and you were hurting and... I thought it was how I could help because you didn't... otherwise you wouldn't talk to me."

Sam nods, looking at his bare feet. They're a little cut up, and he's just now noticed it. Colby's reasons... make painful sense. In the aftermath of Kat's death, he 100% blamed Colby. Blamed him for her death. Took out the pain of her death on him. "It was... easier..." Sam says, "To uh... to hurt you, than to try to actually deal with what I was feeling. And uh...” His voice gets quiet. “I’m terrified to lose you, dude. And I’ve... I’ve been trying to push you away because... then I won’t feel like I did when I lost Kat.”

Colby nods faintly. "I figured that out later..." He says, and Sam nods, ignoring the pain the movement causes him, because of course he did. Colby knows him better than he knows himself. "But at the time I uh..." Something like a smile tugs at his lips but it's a dark one, not truly fit to be called a smile. "I thought I deserved it?" His voice cants up at the end like he's asking a question. Sam looks at him in confusion. Colby's face twitches, but he shrugs, "I dunno, man. There had to be a reason you were hurting me. I must have deserved it."

"You didn't deserve any of that," Sam says firmly, his heart aching for Colby.

"I know that now..." Colby says, "Even though it took running into some new friends and..." His voice trailed off.

And this... Sam has been wondering this. "Colby... where were you... who are these people?"

Colby isn't looking at him. "I uh... I met them while I was out that day... the day after..." He shakes his head and doesn't finish the sentence but Sam knows what he means.

_The day after Sam kicked him out._

"I didn't come back that night because uh... well... I spent the night with them. And the next day and night..." Colby relaxes one leg but pulls the other up to his chest. "And I came back to the house the next morning because uh..." He trails off again. There's a look of guilt on his face.

There's a dark, dark fear in Sam's chest, because he's scared. Scared of what Colby might say next because it all makes horrible, horrible sense in his head. He finally kicks Colby out when Colby tries to talk about what they are, Colby's gone for days with new people, these new people who have some sort of hostility towards him. And because he knows Colby. He knows him all too well.

"You were going to leave me." It's not a question.

Colby finally looks up at him. There's barely controlled emotions on his face. "Sam... I..."

But he doesn't deny it.

Sam repeat his question with a quiet dread in his heart. "You were going to leave me, weren't you?"

Colby swallows, eyes sad, but he nods all the same.

And it's like all of Sam's worst fears rolled into one awful scenario. Colby was... Colby had been about to leave him. The one person who Sam would have sworn up and down would have his back... and he's been planning on leaving him.

”Why?” He asks, and he’s not expecting the lump in his throat that he trips over.

"Sam, I'm..." Colby starts like he's going to apologize but he cuts himself off. "That day... when everything happened... I was..." He pauses for a few moments, before continuing quietly, "I was ready to die. When those Z's had me pinned and were about to eat me... I was okay with it.” And that doesn’t surprise Sam, because he knew that. He knew Colby had been close to some sort of edge for a while now. He just hadn’t done enough about it. 

If anything... he had probably made it worse.

“And when you saved me...” Colby continues, “I didn't know what to do because... I was ready to die." And Sam's warring within himself, wanting to hear what Colby has to say but also hearing a voice in his head that's reminding him that Colby was going to leave him. The one person Sam thought he could count on.

 _Colby was going to leave him_.

"And then I met these people... Kallie, Nadia, Reggie, and Bubba and they... some of the time I spent with them was the first time I hadn't been ready to die in... months, Sam, months!" He's talking with his hands, "Because that thing, what we were doing, it wasn't sustainable, or healthy, or... or... and even if it started as something we both needed it turned into something that was absolutely destructive for me because there would be days when I didn't want it, didn't want you to fuck me but I let you because I was so scared that you would leave me if I _didn't_ let you, because you were the last thing that kept me from just wandering out into nothing because I thought that you _needed_ me..." Colby's voice breaks on a sob.

"And I love you, I love you so much, Sam, but being with them, living with them is the first time I haven't wanted to die in months," There are tears in Colby's eyes. "Because... because there's more to living than surviving Sam. That's what we've been doing and fuck, I can't do it anymore!" Colby seems surprised at the volume of his voice. Sam is too, and he catches a few concerned glances at them out of the corner of his eye. But none of them come over, and Sam looks back at Colby.

Colby seems to have composed himself a little bit, even if his hands still fidget in his lap. "So now... now I don't know what to do, I guess," Colby says quietly, a stark difference from his volume earlier. "Because I can't... I can't leave you and Devyn alone. But... I don't know how to _be_ around you anymore. You know?"

"I don't..." Sam shakes his head slowly, wary of the deep wound still in his face and in his heart. "I don't know what to say..."

There’s an awkward silence between them. Sam’s just trying to absorb the mountain of emotions that Colby’s apparently been sitting on for _months..._ He catches himself thinking that Colby should have told him, but quickly reminds himself that Colby tried to.

Sam just didn’t want to listen.

Maybe... maybe Colby leaving him would have been what he deserved. 

Sam stays quiet and neither of them say anything for a few moments. Colby is the one to break the silence. "I uh... I only would have left you if I thought you would be safe, but..." Colby says, looking out at his friends. "With Aaron gone and Elton..." He trails off, his face contorting.

And that’s definitely not good. "What's wrong with Elton?" Sam asks, and he didn't think it was possible to feel worse but the horrible lump that's just grown in his gut proves him wrong.

Colby pauses, a look of pain coming over his face. "Elton got bit," He says quietly.

And that's all Sam needs to know.

"Fuck...” Sam breathes, looking at Elton, helping Reggie assemble a tent out under a tree. And he looks at him with a new mindset, a terrible knowledge that this is as good as he’s ever going to see Elton again. Because Elton... Elton’s just going to deteriorate from here...

Like Kat did...

“Colby..." And Sam wants to reach to Colby for comfort but he knows that Colby was going to betray him, was going to abandon him, and now... now he doesn't know the rules for where they stand.

Because now both of them have betrayed the other. 

Well... At least they're even there.

"I know..." Colby says, and Sam knows somehow that he knows what Sam's thinking. Because despite everything that they've done to each other, Sam's still known Colby for six years. And that intimate of knowledge of someone doesn't just fade. 

"Right now..." Colby says, and there’s a strange resignation in his voice, "Right now, our plan is just to travel with these people, because I don't think that going back to the trap house is safe. We uh... we packed up and grabbed some clothes for you so... we're leaving LA." Sam nods blankly, not looking at Colby. "Elton has some places he wants to visit before he... so we're gonna drive there, I think. Kinda road trip it until uh..." He doesn't have to finish his sentence. "Then uh... you, me, Devyn and I guess maybe this new guy keep going with the others. We travel and keep moving and just like... live life, you know?" He chuckles faintly.

"Just like old times?" Sam asks faintly.

Colby nods, a faint smile on his face. "Yeah... minus the cops." Sam huffs out a laugh despite himself.

"Minus the cops," Sam repeats in agreement, some sort of empty amusement in his chest.

Colby looks out at the group, where they've gotten tents set up and Reggie's poking at a campfire. "I uh... I grabbed you something from the house..." He says quietly. "I didn't think anyone else would have grabbed it, so..." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a folded up piece of paper. He hesitates for a moment, but then passes it to Sam.

Sam knows what it is the moment he touches it. The dimensions and weight are familiar in his hands. He knows that if he opens it, he'll find the picture of him and Kat together. The last photo of her that he has. Unexpectedly, there's tears in his eyes. "Colby..."

"I know... I know we're not okay, right now..." Colby says, and Sam can hear the emotions behind his voice too. "But uh... I really hope that we can be. 'Cause I..." He blinks, and Sam sees tears, "I still love you, dude. Even after everything. I won't do what we were doing, but... I fucking miss you."

"I love you too," Sam says back, not even having to fake the emotions in his voice. He reaches out for Colby's hand, and Colby takes it. He squeezes it gently. There's still some numb patches on Sam's hand, but Colby's still feels warm and reassuring in his. "We uh... we're gonna be okay, right?"

Colby looks at their joined hands for a long moment, before he nods. "Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna be okay, I think." He looks up at Sam. "If we work on it... we’ll be okay."

Because it was them. Sam and Colby.

And it would always been Sam and Colby against the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t expect the direction this chapter took. I’d kinda pictured getting to “the conversation” next chapter but then it just happened and uh... 8269 words later...
> 
> But I’m okay with it. 
> 
> One more chapter out of this piece. A... well appropriate epilogue. I’ll try to get it up on Monday but it will definitely be out by next Friday.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed! And as always, let me know what you think because reviews make my day, and I’ll see you in the next one!


	7. Chapter 7

The first time they all have breakfast together it’s awkward.

Unlike the easy camaraderie that Colby had found with them two days ago the awkwardness the new parties bring leaves a stilted energy in the air. Everyone glances around at each other warily, not sure what to say.

Shockingly, Kallie’s the one to break the silence. “Nadia and I once killed a zombie with a steam roller,” She offers.

There’s an almost disbelieving silence for a few moments, as everyone looks at Kallie. She turns red, shrugging and saying, “Head popped right off the top? Funny uh... funny way to kill them...” Her voice trails off.

There's another few moments of silence before someone else speaks. “Don’t have any uh... funny killing stories but uh... You ever seen a zombie on drugs?” Eric asks, picking up on the conversation. 

“No?” Reggie says, eying Eric suspiciously. The southerners had not been pleased to find out they had picked up another person during the rescue.

Eric laughs nervously, “Yeah, uh... when I was still working at the hospital, we were throwing every drug we had at them and uh... they’re actually pretty funny when they can’t walk straight.”

”Huh...” Bubba muses, “Didn’t know they could get stoned.”

”Yeah,” Eric nods, seeming relieved that someone’s responding. “They burn through it pretty quick because of the heightened metabolism and all but uh... its a pretty funny temporary thing...”

”Heightened metabolism?” Nadia asks, looking like now she’s interested.

”Yeah, because the prion infection basically triggers the fight-or-flight response...”

”What the fuck is a prion?”

Eric pauses, looking around the group because now every eye is on him. Even Devyn is looking at him past her over-sized hoodie. He grins faintly, “Okay, so, the infection is basically a mutated Mad Cow Disease...”

The first time Colby sees the full extent of the wound on Sam’s face he almost throws up again.

They’re well south of LA now, a couple of hundred miles and about two days later. Eric’s decided that he needs to take a look at how the wound is healing, and despite Sam and Colby’s relationship being rocky at best right now Colby feels like he should be here for this.

Despite their relationship being strained, it’s still heartbreaking to watch. Colby watches Sam’s face twist in agony as Eric slowly unwraps the wound, having to tug at it just a little bit to free the wraps from the blood congealed under it. Sam’s remaining eye is pressed tightly closed, and Colby’s heart tears just a little bit at the broken noise that’s pulled from Sam’s lungs.

”Colby...” he hears the quiet whimper, and watches Sam’s hand almost reach out for him.

He’s moved closer and is wrapping Sam’s hand up in his before he really registers what he’s doing. He catches the surprise on Sam’s face. Surprise but also... gratitude. Sam grips his hand tightly and meets his eyes, and he sees one appreciative look before Sam’s face contorts in pain again and Eric pulls the dressing off.

And Colby is struck absolutely speechless at the wound he sees.

Eric’s peering at it like it’s just a simple scratch and it’s anything but. The wound Colby sees is red, raw, bleeding, the insides ragged and obviously made by someone not taking care to conserve flesh. He can almost see the flaps of skin where a knife sliced in, digging and ripping and...

”Breathe, Colby,” He hears Eric’s voice voice through the nausea that’s trying to rise from his stomach. “Look away and breathe, okay?” Colby swallows harshly at the bile that’s risen to the back of his throat, ripping his gaze from the fucking monstrosity carved into Sam’s face and staring at the blanket Eric’s laid down. And it’s a little bit better, but he still can see the image etched into the back of his eyelids when he closes his eyes.

Fuck, it’s bad. The damage spans from not just where the eye would have been but up to Sam’s eyebrow and down to his cheekbone. It isn’t as deep there but... fuck, Sam...

”It looks bad, huh?” He hears Sam’s voice, quiet and resigned. Colby just nods, still swallowing back nausea.

”I wonder if it wouldn’t be better to clear out some of the flaps of skin...” Eric muses, and Colby doesn’t know how the man can just stare at that mess without wanting to retch.

”That would involve cutting more, right?” Sam asks, dread in his voice. Eric’s quiet for a moment, but he nods. Sam shudders, letting out a soft cry as Eric dabs at the wound, cleaning up the blood that’s welled up. “Fuck, not for now, okay? It was bad enough the first time...”

And that’s when something horrifying dawns on Colby and he can’t believe it didn’t occur to him before. “Sam, were you awake when they did that?”

Sam’s hand tightens in Colby’s. Remembered trauma passes over his face as his eye closes briefly. When it opens again, he just looks at Colby and murmurs, “Yeah.”

The wave of hatred that crashes through Colby at his words is so intense he gasps. “That’s... that’s fucked up,” He whispers, unable to come up with anything else to say. Because he doesn’t want to imagine anyone doing that to Sam, doesn’t want to imagine Sam having been awake for that. Because of _course_ he had been, it makes sense in retrospect but...

It makes him wish he had killed each and every one of them as painfully as possible. “Eric, you weren’t there for that, right?” He asks tightly, because he might have to hurt the man if he was.

Eric grimaces. “I was not,” He says. “They just put me in charge of making sure he didn’t die afterwards.”

Colby nods, still not liking it one bit. “What else did they do to you?” He asks, looking at Sam.

Sam cringes, looking away. His whole body language changes, tightening up and closing in. “Can we talk about this when I’m not in a lot of pain?” He asks, “Please?”

Colby grimaces, but nods. “Okay...” He says.

Eric pulls out a syringe full of clear liquid. “Alright, well... I’m gonna clean out what we got then, okay?”

Sam makes a quiet noise of despair. “Okay...” He whispers, squeezing his remaining eye shut. Colby squeezes his hand and Sam squeezes back.

And Colby knows that the noises that Sam makes as the cleaning continues will haunt his dreams forever. 

He doesn’t ask about the rest of Sam’s captivity that day.

The first time Colby gets an idea of what was done to Sam is also the first time they sleep together.

Sam finds Colby as they’re all headed to bed. Colby’s forgone sleeping in the truck bed with Nadia and Kallie for his own tent, curled up with his blanket and pillows. He’s just thinking about nodding off when he hears a voice at the entrance to his tent. “Colby?”

”Come in, Sam,” Colby says, casting a wary look at the entrance. Sam pokes his head in first, before stepping inside. His movements are tentative, and he keeps casting looks at Colby. Eric had figured out a tape and eyepatch situation that didn’t cover nearly as much of his face. It almost makes him look like some kind of pirate.

Things between him and Sam the past few days... have been interesting. They’ve been mostly avoiding each other, as much as they’re able given their tight quarters. Colby knows Sam’s still dealing with the betrayal of Colby leaving, and Colby’s still trying to figure out where the fuck they stand. Because now they’re both avoiding each other.

Because he knows that Sam loves him now, for certain, that the coldness had been a maladaptive coping mechanism.

But it doesn’t change that it happened.

“What’s up, dude?” Colby asks quietly, mindful of the hour of the night.

”Can I uh...” Sam hesitates, kneeling at the entrance.

A darkness twists in Colby’s gut. ”I won’t have sex with you,” Colby says firmly, not wanting to leave any room for negotiation.

A pained look comes over Sam’s face. “I didn’t... I wasn’t planning on that...” He says, “I uh...” He looks at the ground, “Some shit’s just uh... closer to the surface right now and I don’t really want to sleep alone.”

Colby blinks at him for a few moments, not having expected that answer. “Oh...” He says.

Sam’s looking like he regrets ever stepping into Colby’s tent. “You know what, never mind,” He goes to back out but Colby reaches out for him without thinking about it.

Sam looks just as surprised as Colby feels at his movement. “You can uh... you can stay,” Colby says, “But if you try to start anything...”

He can tell Sam knows what he means. “Okay,” Sam agrees, and there’s a look of relief on his face. He looks awkward for a moment, and Colby pulls him down into the blankets.

They start on opposite sides of the tent, but before Colby falls asleep, he feels Sam scoot over so that his back presses against Colby’s. Colby stiffens for a moment, half expecting Sam to try something, before he hears a snore from Sam. Colby grins faintly.

Some things never change.

That is, until he feels Sam flail against him in the middle of the night with a gasp of, “Get the fuck off of me!” 

Colby’s immediately on edge, looking around to see what woke him, because he’d felt sudden movement, heard a muffled cry. He’s looking around the tent, looking for a threat, for any sign that they’re in danger.

What he sees instead, is Sam, gasping and pushing himself to the opposite side of the tent as Colby, eye wide on him. “Sam?” Colby asks, “You good, dude?”

Sam gasps in a couple more breaths, looking around wildly until his eye lands on Colby. The tension leaves his body, eye closing in a slow blink before his breaths slowly even out. He presses his hands into his hair, gripping the strands and squeezing. “Fuck... fuck...” Sam breathes, staring at the ground.

”Sam?” Colby asks, canting his voice so that Sam can hear the question in it.

Sam breathes for a few more seconds, before looking at Colby again. “Sorry for waking you,” He says.

And Colby’s caught between two mindsets. The one that wants him to accept Sam’s apology and go back to sleep, and the one that’s demanding to know what’s up with Sam. “Nightmares?” He asks instead, yawning even as he waits for an answer.

Sam nods, “Yeah,” He says shortly.

”What about?” Colby asks.

Sam shakes his head, “I don’t really want to talk about it,” He says. And Colby afraid he might have an idea, so he doesn’t push him, just letting Sam settle back into the blankets on the other side of the tent.

It’s the first time Sam wakes up from nightmares about what was done to him.

But it’s not the last.

The first time Colby sees Devyn smile again she’s doing target practice with Kallie and Nadia.

They’ve been doing this a lot as they’ve traveled, Reggie and Kallie insisting everyone at least know how to shoot a gun. But Devyn’s been the most consistent, and Kallie’s spent hours with her, picking out things to aim at. She’s gotten pretty proficient now, not only at the other firearms that they have on board, but mostly with her own rifle that she’s managed to pick up more ammo for as they’ve traveled.

It’s good to see Devyn care about something again. From what Colby understood, she had been at about the same place as Colby for the past few months, not really caring if she lived or died.

Colby’s not there anymore. It’s good to see Devyn getting out of there too.

She’s lined up with Kallie and Nadia, shooting at Z’s across the Rio Grande. Colby can’t hear what they’re saying, but Colby knows she’s coaching Devyn through a shot. They’re aiming at a Z on the other bank, and with a loud crack, the Z crumples.

Kallie whoops, punching the air and Colby sees Devyn lower the gun. When Nadia hugs her, Colby can see a proud grin on Devyn’s face. He smiles too, knowing that it’s a big step for her.

Eric's watching them, and Colby watches as he compliments her, the grin on her face growing bashful.

Colby’s glad that she’s doing better. It seems getting out of the trap house was what they all needed.

When he looks over at Sam, sitting quietly pressed into his side, hands twisted up together, there’s a smile on Sam’s face too.

The first time Colby really remembers that Elton’s been bit is about a week after they leave California. 

They’re traveling down the eastern coast of Mexico, headed for lazily for Chichen Itza, and Colby catches Elton staring at him, a look on his face that’s a combination of anger, frustration, and fear.

”What’s up, dude?” Colby asks him.

Elton’s quiet for another few seconds, and then realization and more bitterness come over his face. “Don’t worry about it, Colby,” He says, looking away.

But his voice is thick, so Colby’s not going to let that go so easily. “What happened?” He asked tightly.

Elton sighs, looking back at Colby, and Colby can almost see tears in his eyes. “I uh... for a moment there I forgot your name...” He says faintly.

Colby’s chest hurts, and it has nothing to do with any sort of physical pain. “Like... but that doesn’t mean...”

”It was the first thing to go with Kat...” Elton says, gritting his teeth. He looks away from Colby, looking down at the sand at his feet. “I uh... I’m gonna go for a walk, okay?”

”Elton...” Colby says sadly, but there’s nothing else he can say. “Just... come back,” He says, feeling an odd sense of deja vu at the words. Elton just nods, before he stand up and walks off.

It’s not the last thing that hurts Colby that day, because it’s also the first time that Colby learns what was almost done to Sam.

They’re curled up against a tree, Colby's arm around Sam's shoulders, Colby having just told Sam about his experience with Elton. Their relationship still isn’t healthy, Colby’s sure, but Sam hasn’t tried anything with Colby and he’ll admit... the physical contact is nice.

He hopes they're moving towards somewhere healthier.

Maybe Sam feels the comfort too, because it would explain what happens next. ”They tortured me,” Sam says quietly, pretty much out of nowhere.

Colby blinks at him for a moment. “What?”

Sam's staring at the ground. ”The neighbors, when they had me,” Sam clarifies, “But uh... I think you knew that, right?”

And then it clicks and Colby nods sadly. “Yeah... the uh... the burns and uh... barbed wire kinda gave it away...” And that wasn’t even mentioning the whole missing eye thing.

”They tried to drown me too,” Sam offers, a tight, artificial cheeriness in his voice. “Fuckin’... waterboarded me.”

”Sam...” Colby murmurs, a pulse of anger at the people who had mistreated his friend moving through him.

“And uh..." Sam pauses for a moment before he continues, "So... One of them tried to rape me,” Sam says, and everything in Colby’s mind grinds to a halt.

Because it all makes terrible sense. “Sam, I’m so sorry,” Colby says, almost afraid to keep touching Sam because shit, what if Sam had some sort of trigger with physical contact...

”It’s fine, Eric stopped him, I just...” Sam's tone feels all too light for the topic they’re discussing, “Just uh... made me realize what I put you through.” That’s when some of the darkness leaks back through.

”Sam...” Colby says, because it’s really not the same thing at all. Sam would have been tied up, helpless to resist and in excruciating pain as someone held him down...

But then, Colby hadn’t really been able to fight either. His restraints had just been mental instead of physical.

And for the first time in a long time, Colby feels the urge to reach for Sam's face and kiss him. The desire is almost jarring at first, because Colby’s not sure _when_ the last time he actually wanted to kiss Sam was. It’s been at least a few months, maybe closer to when they started the whole friends with benefits thing.

But he quells it, because he and Sam are still way too complicated for anything physical to get involved again. “You want a hug?” Colby asks.

Sam nods, moving closer so that Colby can wrap arms around him.

And the little broken pieces stitch themselves back together just a little bit.

The first time they see the pyramid Colby can see the reason why Chichen Itza is considered a wonder of the world.

Well, why it _was_. When that was still a thing that people worried about. It’s even cooler to consider how long the structure has been here, from about 900 AD as the signs that litter the area explain. Colby finds some solace in the fact that this structure remained, even after the Mayan world had ended.

Left some hope for his own world and its ending.

”That is one thing I do not miss about the world before the apocalypse,” Kallie groans, flopping down on the top of the pyramid. “All the _goddamn_ stairs.”

”You could have gone to the gym with me,” Nadia points out.

”Fuck that shit...” 

“At least the view is worth it?” Bubba shrugs, grinning faintly out at the vista. “And hell, we get to camp out at the top of a fuckin’ pyramid. How many people get to say that?”

Colby nods, his gaze following Sam, who’s slowly making his way up the stairs still, followed closely by Eric and Devyn. Eric’s making him take the stairs slowly, and judging by the tightness on his face that was a good idea.

”Camping at the top of Chichen Itza,” Colby hears Elton’s voice, and he turns to see his friend surveying the top ground in front of them, “Now that’s pretty cool.” He looks at Colby, and there’s a certain glassiness in his eyes that has nothing to do with emotions.

It's two weeks after they left LA. Elton’s... it hurts Colby to look at him sometimes. He’s... he still _mostly_ there, and there are days when Colby could forget that he had been bit, that even now there’s a tiny protein turning his brain into Swiss cheese. But it... it’s getting worse.

Elton forgot who Colby was again yesterday. And he’s having a harder time remembering their newest friends.

Elton’s deteriorating.

”Talk about shit you couldn’t do before the apocalypse,” Reggie grins, clapping Elton on the shoulder. The two of them had become fast friends, both older brothers and adventurers by nature. Reggie had heard someone call Elton “Uncle” one time and laughed.

_”Does that make me Great Uncle Reggie then?”_

That hadn’t stuck long, but Colby knows it’s been nice for Elton to not be the oldest for once, to not default be the guy in charge. Reggie had kinda stepped into that role, and Elton... Elton let him.

_”Just uh... just glad that someone’s gonna take care of them... when I’m gone.”_

Colby had needed some alone time after that.

Reggie throws down the packed up tent he’d carried up the structure. “Alrighty, I’ll get started setting up camp. Elton, you want to help?”

But Elton shakes his head. “I uh... I think I’m going to walk around for a little bit, okay?” And there’s a strange tone in his voice. It gives Colby a hollow feeling in his gut. Because that... that almost sounds like... And then Sam’s coming up behind him and Colby’s distracted.

”I think it’s bleeding again...” Sam mutters, pressing the wad of gauze against his face himself. “Fucking fuck, when will this thing heal?”

”It is doing a lot better,” Eric offers, shrugging through his rapid breaths. Getting up the pyramid had caused blood to rush into Eric’s cheeks, sweat beading on his forehead. Not that any of them are much better, except maybe Nadia. “It’s uh... just a messed up wound.”

Sam groans, and Colby watches the wince travel across his face. “I know, I was there for it.” And Colby winces internally.

”You wanting new gauze?” Eric asks.

”I’m good,” Sam waves him off, cringing.

Colby watches Elton head on down the other side of the pyramid to the ruins scattered around. There’s something heartbreaking pulling at his chest, some sort of knowledge that he isn’t willing to acknowledge yet.

Because Reggie’s calling on Cole to help get them set up, and he’s gonna go help.

Because he knows it’s the last time Elton will see something like this.

The sunset is beautiful on the day Elton dies.

There’s not a cloud in the sky, and the ephemeral pinks and purples paint the horizon like some Picasso in the sky. The golden light shines over the jungle they trekked to get up here and it’s strangely peaceful. Peaceful and beautiful and untouched by the end of the world.

Elton surveys it all with a soft smile. He looks so young, standing there at the top of the pyramid. The wind's blowing his hair back, and there's an air of contentment and peace in the air. He’d come back from his walk around the ruins about an hour ago and had quietly eaten the dinner they had prepared. There had been an almost serenity to him and Colby knows what’s happened.

Colby knows it’s coming even before Elton says it. "Okay," Elton says softly. "Okay." He turns to Colby. 

The whole group has eyes on him. He smiles at them, and it’s actually a smile, not the twisted grimace he’s been wearing for two weeks, since he’d gotten bitten. No. It’s a peaceful smile, and Colby feels it in his chest when Elton nods at him. "Okay. I'm ready."

And Colby knows he is.

The last conversations are the hardest.

Elton may be at peace with what he’s chosen, but it’s still raw and painful for everyone else. “Elton...” Colby starts, but he really has no idea what to say to his friend. He just hugs Elton tightly blinking back the tears in his eyes.

Elton’s arms come up around him, and he hears Elton whisper, “It’s gonna be okay, Colby.”

”Elton... just...” Colby swallows, fighting back the tears in his throat. “Thank you. For keeping me alive.”

And they both know that he doesn’t just mean because of the apocalypse.

"Stay that way, okay?" Elton reminds him. "And just..." He squeezes Colby's shoulders. "Remember that you deserve to be happy, okay?"

Colby nods, knowing that if he tries to speak again he'll just start crying.

And Elton continues making his goodbyes. The ones with Eric, Kallie, Bubba, Reggie, and Nadia are sweet but brief, and Elton moves onto Devyn. They hug, and Colby hears quiet words that he can't make out passed between them, but when Elton pulls away Devyn's smiling a watery smile.

And then he comes to Sam.

For a moment, it appears neither of them know what to say, staring at each other with emotions close to the surface.

Sam's the first one to speak. "Elton... I'm so sorry for being a jackass..." And his voice breaks on the last word, and Elton wraps tight arms around him. Sam cries as he hugs Elton tightly, and Colby can hear apology after apology fall from his lips. Elton lets him cry it out, as Nadia and Kallie go to wrap an arm around Devyn.

"Look, Sam, just..." Elton says, once Sam's words have finally failed him. "Take care of Colby, and... take care of yourself, okay? The last six months... they aren't what I'll remember about you, okay?" Sam nods brokenly, not seeming like he wants to let go of Elton.

Because he knows what comes next if he does.

That's why Colby comes forward, walking over to Sam and touching his shoulders gently.

Because he can feel it in the air.

Elton's ready to die. And there will be plenty of time for crying later once Elton's laid to rest.

Sam pulls back from Elton reluctantly and immediately rewraps himself around Colby, much to Colby's surprise. Elton looks at him, and nods his support. Colby wraps arms around Sam, and nods back.

They've got this.

Reggie comes back up to Elton, a gun held in his hand. "You ready for this?"

Elton nods. "Yeah," He says. "I think I am."

And the sun sets over the mountains on the day that Elton dies.

They bury Elton at the base of Chichen Itza. Colby thinks its fitting. Of all the places that Elton could have ended up, buried at the base of a wonder of the world, a lasting reminder of a civilization long gone... it feels oddly poetic. It's what he would have wanted even if the world hadn’t ended.

It hurts, it hurts terribly that he's gone, like a ripping, sucking pain in his chest, and Colby knows it will be a long time before he's really over it.

But now it's done. Elton's journey is over.

And now Colby can really begin to find closure in that knowledge.

He's out late that night, way later than the rest of the travelers, the rest of whom retire early, physically and emotionally exhausted from the day. 

Colby catches Devyn sneaking into Eric's tent, and he smiles. He's not exactly sure what they are, but they seem happy. It's the most at peace he's seen Devyn in a long time. 

Sam finds Colby at the top of the steps with his arms wrapped around his knees, staring up at the stars. Colby feels like he can see whole galaxies, whole worlds out there, ones that have to be similar to his own.

Worlds that haven't fallen to shit.

But then, maybe there are worlds that have fallen apart only to rise again. Colby's never been a big history person, but it seems like something that he vaguely remembers from history class.

For all the death in the world there had to be life to balance it out. Life that could be found... everywhere. If one knew where to look.

Sam settles next to him, their shoulders pressing together. Their relationship had a long way to go until it was healed again, but they were working on it, and things had gotten better.

They were finding new life in the death of their old lives.

Sam looks at him, and Colby could kiss him right now, could press against his chest and kiss him into the ground of the pyramid, of the center of the world the Mayans never thought would end, and could even picture going further, dipping back into some of what they had before.

But there's no rush, and Colby isn't in any hurry to die anymore. So he just wraps an arm around Sam's shoulders, and watches the stars rise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I can't say I expected that ending, but that's where the characters wanted it to go so that's where we'll leave it.
> 
> I don't currently plan on there being more of the Dead and Gone 'Verse. I may yet be proven wrong but in the mean time, consider this the end of it.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read and enjoyed, and a special thank you to all those who reviewed. You guys made my day better every time you did.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you in the next one!  
> Nova


End file.
